Bust-Gut Mountain

Well, the barrage of "Brokeback Mountain" jokes is in full avalanche now...having seen frazzled political pundits like Don Anus--I mean, Imus--on Fox News cracking a few quick puns while Bill O'Reilly squeals with delight (or maybe it's fear, when he sees the Jimmy Dean people coming), the gay community (a contradiction in terms if ever I heard one) has decided it won't be outdone, and since it's our subject matter, after all, we should be the ones telling the jokes! Antique shops and furniture stores will never be quiet again...

So let's go ahead and get it out of our systems, shall we? Here's the latest one. It's been making the rounds of gay e-mail lists all over. And it's oh-so-fresh. A real thigh-slapper, by Jove:

Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists
WEEK ONE
* Beans
* Bacon
* Coffee
* Whiskey
WEEK TWO
* Beans
* Ham
* Coffee
* Whiskey
WEEK THREE
* Beans al fresca
* Thin-sliced Bacon
* Hazelnut Coffee
* Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin
* K-Y gel
WEEK FOUR
* Beans en salade
* Pancetta
* Coffee (espresso grind)
* 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay
* 2 tubes K-Y gel
WEEK FIVE
* Fresh Fava beans
* Jasmine rice
* Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced
* Medallions of veal
* Porcini mushrooms
* 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream
* 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long
* 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve)
* 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide
WEEK SIX
* Yukon Gold potatoes
* Heavy whipping cream
* Asparagus (very thin)
* Organic Eggs
* Spanish Lemons
* Gruyere cheese (well aged)
* Crushed Walnuts
* Arugula
* Clarified Butter
* Extra Virgin Olive oil
* Pure Balsamic vinegar
* 6 yards white silk organdy
* 6 yards pale ivory taffeta
* 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve
* Large tin Crisco

There. I've done my duty. Hilarious, isn't it? Try to compose yourself. Oops, careful--don't urinate on the floor! I just washed it. Here's a tissue. Mop your brow, for God's sake.