Mom's Obituary, Photos and Stuff...

I wanted to thank everyone for their support and friendship during the past week since my mom passed away...as I mentioned, I was with her at the end and her passing was very quiet and peaceful.



I'm back in Chicago now, and thought I'd share her obituary and some pictures that I've always found comfort in.



This is the obituary that ran in the area newspapers.

It was slightly edited from what I wrote for them, but they got the gist of it:



This picture was always my favorite one of Mom and me.

It was taken in 1997, about two months after I'd moved here:



She'd just turned 50 about two weeks before, and I remember thinking that she didn't look anywhere near it. (And yes, I know, I had more hair then.

So what? Shut up!)

The next one was taken not long after that. My aunt Teri was in town (she's in the green shirt), visiting from Louisiana, where she'd recently moved.

I couldn't get down there, because it was short notice, but Mom gave me a copy of the photo:



My uncle Jim (mom's brother) is on the top left, and my aunt Fay, whom I've mentioned here before, is on the top row, second from the right. They still pretty much look like that. The rest of the family has changed somewhat (mostly because lots of them are kids, and they've grown up!).



We got lots of really nice floral tributes, including this really gorgeous one from The Joans:



I brought it home with me...it survived a three-hour car ride and I gave it some water when I got here. The lighting isn't the greatest, unfortunately, but you can see what a nice job our local florist did.

The local funeral home, Weber-Hurd, has an online guest book where friends can send messages to the family of the deceased. There were quite a few really nice messages when we looked at it over the last few days.

There was also this one, located at the top:



Aunt Fay got to watch the steam pour out of my ears when I read the third sentence: "Sorry to see there's no Catholic mass or funeral."

WTF, Bonnie Stroot?!

Allow me to explain something, Bonnie: there was no Catholic mass because Mom didn't want one. She didn't even want a visitation, really, but we had one because we thought it would be nice to have a place where her friends and family who don't see each other often could gather and share their memories. I notice that you weren't there, Bonnie Stroot, although you seem to have had time to write a snooty message.

I shouldn't be too hard on Bonnie Stroot. She's a good Catholic (apparently), and it's important to her that other people be good Catholics, too. In fact, she's such a good Catholic that before she married Dr. Stroot, he had his first marriage annulled. Which, I suppose, means that his four children from that marriage (and with whom I went to grade school) were then illegitimate. And also that her first marriage to one of my dad's best friends, and which produced a lovely daughter who was also in my class, didn't happen.

But when one wants to marry a rich chiropractor, such trifles fall by the wayside. So you go ahead and pray, Bonnie. Pray for enlightenment. My mother had already found hers, and practiced it daily. I hope you can understand that.

And if not, who the hell cares? Go suck an egg, Bonnie Kruger Seidlarz Stroot.

(Authors note: Bonnie K-S-S is not on MySpace, so I shall share these sentiments in a respectfully worded thank-you note, provided by the funeral home.)

Most of all, I've been very glad to spend time with my family this week. They all came together and remembered my mom the way she should be remembered. And for that, I love and cherish them...I'm proud that she was my mom.

Peace out!

Gone

I've been scarce for a few days, but wanted to check in and say hi...

I also wanted to share some news--many of you know that my mom has been ill for quite a while with metastatic breast cancer.

I wanted to let everyone know that Mom passed away last night just before midnight. Her last few days were very peaceful and I had spent much of the past week visiting her for Mother's Day and the next few days. I'm very glad I did, because it was the last time I saw her conscious. I returned to work Thursday and Friday got the call from my Aunt Fay that Mom was not expected to make it past the weekend.

I got to Chillicothe (IL) around 6:00 and spent the next few days at her bedside...she was receiving regular doses of morphine and Ativan and her passing was very peaceful.

The nurses at the home were very kind to me and my family, bringing me meals on a tray and making sure we had fresh coffee and water the entire time. They had grown to love Mom during the nine months that she spent there, and they shed lots of tears last night along with us. But we're very relieved she didn't suffer any more and we're grateful to be together right now.

Her visitation is Wednesday night at Weber-Hurd Funeral Home in Chillicothe, and I'll be heading back to Chicago to face my demonic cat (who pissed on my dry-cleaning pile by way of a bon voyage present) on Thursday.

I'll be on and off until then, but will post her obituary and some pictures later this week.

Love to all,

Aaron

P.S. Get the niceness while you can. On Friday, the bitch is back. ;-)

Sometimes You Just Need a Good Laugh. (I Know I Do.)

I found this clip when I was looking at Alexandra Billings' blog today...it was one of the clips that scrolled across the bottom of the one I was watching (also from Carol Burnett). I love it when Vicki Lawrence, dressed as Mama, breaks the other actors up:

The Tagless Meme

Since it's been a crazy week, I had no chance to scavenge the advice columns this week..."Advice Is Now a Habit" will return next Friday at its regularly scheduled time. The role of Aaron will be played by Donal Logue. In the meantime, I share with you the following meme. Nobody gets "tagged" in this one, so nobody has to answer these impertinent questions if they don't wish to...

Happy Friday!

The way to win your heart?
Draw the correct number.

When was the last time you really laughed?
I don't know--when's the last time Oprah wore something sleeveless and yellow?

Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
No, but I've taken it out for a samba once or twice.

What are you like when you're drunk?
Are you implying that I imbibe? How dare you!

Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
I like fresh-squeezed best.

Who knows a big secret about you?
There are no big secrets about me anymore, thanks to you, blabbermouth.

How long is your hair?
Three and a half hours.

Do you like Batman?
Yes, but I'm not ready for a long-term commitment yet.

Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
Julie, the friendly Time-Life operator.

Do you like anyone now?
Stacy's Mom (she's really got it goin' on).

When was the last time you sang out loud?
When Donald Rumsfeld resigned.

What did you have for breakfast?
A banana. And a poodle.

Is your birthday on a holiday?
No, but it oughtta be!

Can you cook?
Yeah, especially books.

Did you have a nap today?
Are you asking about my drinking again?? God, get a life already!

What was the reason you got in trouble last?
I did a dance on Mommy's plants, climbed a tree and tore my pants, filled Dad's sugar bowl with ants, somebody snitched on me.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
I prefer culottes.

When is your birthday?
June 19, 1638.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
This is a shirt? I thought it was a culotte.

Do you have any regrets?
Yes! I'm so sorry I ever brought the whole thing up!

Do you use an alarm clock?
As what?

Where was your profile picture taken?
Nobody took it, I still have it.

Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
How sharp her teeth are.

What color is your favorite shoe?
Elizabeth Shue. She's sort of person-colored.

Who would you like to see right now?
A psychiatrist. Or Ed McMahon, bringing me my check.

Are you a social or antisocial person?
I'm sort of social, but more economic.

Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yes...they're still chained up in my basement.

Do you have a tan?
A tan what?

Would you rather sleep in the bed with someone, or alone?
Are those my only two choices? Geez, how rigid...

What school do you go to?
Miss Portia Porter's Finishing School. We're learning elocution today...

Last person you laid in bed with?
Agnes Moorehead.

Ever had braces?
Yes, and sometimes I still miss my overbite...

Are you afraid of the dark?
Why, is he outside? Quick, hide the Vaseline!

Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
I ride the L. Every day is a mosh pit.

What's your favorite song?
Anything but "Chiquitita."

Who's your last text message from?
I haven't received it yet.

What's your favorite commercial at the moment?
We're supposed to pay attention to those damned things??

Do you always wear your seat belt?
Well, not when I'm walking, for Chrissakes!

Do you like bananas?
I had one for breakfast, didn't I? Don't you ever read?

What do you wear to bed?
Red pasties and cuban heeled slippers.

Who was the last person to disappoint you?
Beaver Cleaver, when he decided to hide Larry Mondello in his bedroom. Boy, you think you know someone...

Do you trust people?
Only if they're under 30.

What's your sign?
"Closed for repairs."

Is there someone you want to fight?
Only if it's a cockfight. (I could easily take a rooster down.)

Do you know what you want to do with your life?
I was thinking about doing it in Danish Modern. Whaddya think?

Matching Witz With the Best of 'Em

One of my old bosses got me turned onto Andy Borowitz, a humorist who may be best known as the creator of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air." That's by far not his best work, though. He's also a brilliant news satirist in the vein of Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, only he came first. He regularly appears in New York at venues such as Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction and other clubs.

His daily report always consists of a bogus news item that's spun off of a legitimate top story of the day. One of his trademarks is to use stock character names and insert them into whatever position his expert source happens to be. It's kind of like Roseanne Roseannadanna and her "Richard Fader."

In today's installment, he takes aim at Hillary and the desperate "never say die/just call it a deep coma" tenacity with which she hangs onto her campaign. He even gets a few jabs in at former Arkansas Governor Mike "We Don't Heart" Huckabee.

The Working Man's Fairweather Friend

Don't be fooled. Just don't.

You See? Fascists and Communists Can Get Along

A Chinese concert at the Vatican might signal warming relations. Oh, if only the Russia had learned to do this during the Weimar era. We could have been spared that messy war...

Ready or Not...

I went down to Chillicothe again Saturday to visit with Mom. I've been going every three weeks, as I may have mentioned before, but this week, things took a significant downward turn.

I talked to her a few times this week (when they managed to get her up in her chair) and she absolutely made no sense at all. She thought she was on a boat. She was heading to the bowling alley. She'd won some raffle drawing and wondered if she got a prize. My aunt had called me earlier in the week and told me what Mom was doing, and we laughed a little at her imagination. But I was really glad that I was going down, because I sensed that time is getting very, very short now. Aunt Fay told me on Friday that Karen, mom's nurse, wanted me to be prepared when I saw Mom and noticed the change.

When I went in Saturday morning, Karen walked with me down towards Mom's room and filled me in again. Mom doesn't know what she's saying or what's really going on. Karen said that she'd been very surprised if Mom makes it until the end of the month. After seeing her this weekend, I'd say it could be even sooner.

Mom was in bed when I got there, but she recognized me and we hugged and kissed each other several times. I held her hand a bit and there's absolutely no grip at all. Her speech is very slurred, both from the medicine and the cancer in her brain. She did get up in her wheelchair for lunch (tenderloin and cheese fries) and ate a few bites, but not all of it (I didn't really blame her--I wouldn't have either!). Her TV set was on and tuned to ABC Family, so we watched the recent "Nancy Drew" movie (surprisingly good, at least after the annoying first few spoiled-rich-girl minutes), another of those damned ice skating movies they're always showing, and several episodes of "Grounded For Life" (pretty good show, actually--I'd never watched it. Oh well, too late now). Mom couldn't really follow any of it, although she'd make comments from time to time that sort of segued off what was happening on screen and bounced into whatever was going on in her mind.

Mostly, she remembered roller skating and climbing trees with her cousin Pat, and her father bringing her a pig home (she's mixed up on that: her aunt and uncle lived on a farm near Joliet, she spent summers there, and they had the pig). Mentally, I'd say she was around eight years old. She remembers nothing about being an adult at all. Karen said, "I'm not sure where she is, but it's a really happy place."

As I listened to Mom talk, I realized that this is what heaven is: it's the happy place we all long for that waits for us when we cross over. It's a place we make for ourselves. And that's what made me realize how close she is. I thought "I'm finally ready when the time comes." I never, ever thought I would be.

I realized that I had to come back to Chicago and work this week, get some things done before I'm out for a week when the inevitable happens...right now, I'm planning to go back next Monday and spend a few days. Aunt Fay said she'll call if anything happens, and of course, I'll go right back if that's the case (that's the beauty of only being two and half hours away).

Once, it would have been unthinkable to me not to be at her bedside when she passed away...but since I can't live in the home with her, I realized there's a real possibility I may not be there. And I'm finally OK with that. I got to tell Mom the things I wanted to tell her this weekend, and that I needed her to know. I've told her how much she means to me and that we'll always be a part of each other and will always visit each other. I walked out of there yesterday afternoon knowing there was a real possibility that I had just seen her for the last time. I can finally accept that, although I don't like it...

On a final note, there were a few gems of conversation this weekend when something distracted her and found its way into her speech. This was my favorite, and I'll leave you with it:

"They don't have very many midgets around here. So they can't really say 'Go Midgets'."