Friday, February 18, 2011

Aaron's Rotten Advice: February 18, 2011 ("More Short, Less Sweet") Edition

DEAR AMY: I'm a 27-year-old, well-educated man with a good job and plans for an even better future.

I have many friends and a pretty good life. I'm single, and it doesn't bother me at all, though I don't plan on being single forever. However, the fact that I'm single bothers my mother.

I generally have a good relationship with her, and during my weekly calls home, I mention my friends, their kids, etc. My mother, seeking to be helpful, sends baby clothes for me to give to my friends. I hate doing this.

First of all, I'm perfectly capable of giving gifts to my friends on my own. But she has started sending this clothing to me unsolicited, without any mention of anyone having a new baby. This is obviously a not-so-subtle (and extraordinarily annoying) hint that she wants me to have kids.

What is the best way to tell her to stop spending her time and money sending me this stuff? Telling her to butt out doesn't help.



Tell her your dogs love the sweaters, but they can’t pee through the pants—ask her to send miniskirts instead.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my children, ages 28 and 30 and college-educated, have what they call “bill paying anxiety.” It doesn’t matter if they have the money or not, they find it difficult to pay their bills. They have both lost their licenses for not paying traffic tickets, but that hasn’t taught either one of them a lesson. Any advice on how to help them?



If they’re 28 and 30, I think it’s time you stopped helping them, actually. Except perhaps to remind them that “bill-paying anxiety,” if left unchecked, will lead to “eviction notice anxiety.”

DEAR ELLIE: I'm a male, 33, my girlfriend of one year is 36. We want to live together. However, my parents are very religious and I fear being "terrorized" by them for wanting to live with her.

They're constantly prying on my private life and I feel I can't do anything about it.



“Terrorized?!” What the hell are they going to do, firebomb your house?? Grow a pair and tell them you’re an adult and you’ll do as you please. I’m assuming you’re financially independent, so there should be nothing they can hold over you – if they don’t like it, they can leave their fortune to a cat home.

DEAR MARGO: My 27-year-old daughter is dating a nice 27-year-old man. They seem to be getting along well, and this could become more permanent. My problem is that the young man calls my husband (my daughter’s stepfather) “Buddy” every time we see them. My husband hates the casual reference. My daughter and I have both asked this young man to call my husband by his first name. He doesn’t see any disrespect in calling him Buddy and doesn’t plan to change. The boyfriend says he refers to everyone as Buddy (young and old) and not one other person has told him they didn’t like it. He says he’s just a friendly guy.

What’s that all about, and are we being old-fashioned? My husband doesn’t want to be around the boyfriend because of this, and it’s making it hard to develop a relationship with someone who could eventually be my son-in-law.



Have you considered that your daughter’s boyfriend calls your husband “Buddy” because he can’t remember his name? This suggests that your husband is not very memorable, and needs to do something to really distinguish himself in the younger man’s eyes.

So I suggest the next time he comes to visit, your husband should answer the door in a diaper. I guarantee you he’ll never forget again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend is very fastidious about raising her two daughters to have impeccable manners. Their table manners are beautiful.

However, one aspect of their education has been overlooked. Her young girls (9 and 11) are constantly correcting anyone, including adults, about what they perceive to be lapses in good manners.

One example is when they very smugly reprimanded me that I shouldn’t have my elbows on the table after dinner. Their mother seems to be proud that her girls are “leading the charge.”

I adore these young ladies but would like them to be more respectful of me and my family. We take manners seriously in our home, too, and that includes being courteous to others. How can I gently ask them to refrain from this behavior?



Why, exactly, do you “adore” these young “ladies?” They sound like sanctimonius little bitches, and your “friend” is not doing them any favors by letting them forget their place.

Next time they tell you to take your elbows off the table, remind them that you’re a taxpaying adult who can put your elbows wherever you want, including upside their heads if they don’t shut the hell up.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Aaron! Great advice comes only once in a blue moon so don't worry about it. You have a life. I'll check back every once in a while. It was worth the wait. Ted

8:50 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I always come back to it when I'm feeling guilty for neglecting it!

12:06 PM  

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