Friday, March 18, 2011

Aaron's Rotten Advice: March 18, 2011 ("Hung Over and Hung Out to Dry") Edition

DEAR AMY: I have lived with a man for 10 years.

He had a great job but lost it after many years because of an indiscretion on his part. He has refused to find any meaningful employment since then. He has never gone outside of the "box" and doesn't seem to have much imagination or sense of adventure.

Good fortune has come recently because of a lottery win, and now the two of us are self-sufficient. Prior to this win, I was always very content with my life and very happy with my seasonal position. I wish to continue this scenario for the next couple of years. (I am only 57 years old.) This job has kept me in contact with the outside world and always gives me a sense of accomplishment.

My "spouse," on the other hand, indicates that he wants me to give this all up in order to accompany him in his daily life because he has no "life" of his own.
He still remains inside the "box."

I continue to encourage him to do his own thing on occasion but have had difficulty in doing so. Any suggestions?



Where does he expect you to “accompany” him? The bathroom? Take some of your share of the money and go on a trip somewhere nice. Tell him he can go live in that “box” in the back yard.

DEAR ABBY: While standing in a checkout line yesterday, I witnessed a cashier speak to the older woman in front of me in a condescending manner. She kept calling her “Sweetie” and talking to her as if she were a 3-year-old. The woman was obviously offended, but said nothing.

I experienced this kind of behavior often when my mother was alive. Receptionists, waitresses, store clerks and others would direct their questions to me and talk to me while my mother stood there, perfectly capable of answering the questions herself. I’m sure these people did not intend to be rude or disrespectful. However, it was extremely annoying to both Mother and me.

Because a person is elderly does not mean he or she is senile. Regardless of their mental capacity, older people have earned the right to be treated with dignity and respect



If your mother was “perfectly capable,” then why the hell didn’t she speak up?

I agree that it’s disrespectful to underestimate elderly folks and treat them like children, and the “sweetie/ honey” thing can backfire because it can be a little over-familiar for some people. But let’s keep things in perspective. Some people address others that way because they don’t want to appear too formal and intimidating, and they’re trying to put the other person at ease.

Besides, quite frankly, there are worse things to be called. Don’t ask me how I know this.

DEAR ELLIE: I've been married for six years, we have two kids. I love my husband but he has two children from his first marriage, and his ex hasn't moved on. He's hidden things and lied to me.... e.g.: going out with her with the kids. When confronted, he said he didn't want a fight.

Recently, he "had to pick her up from the hospital after surgery," she'd asked him not to tell me. But it was only plastic surgery. It seems the doctor had said not to take a cab... that's crap, as she was driving the next day.

I'm upset that he agreed to hide that he drove her home. His response: She didn't want to hurt you. Is she that stupid not to know that saying things like this will ruin any couple's relationship? Are my husband's actions not proving to her that he accepts deceiving me?

He says he's not cheating. I've told him not to ruin his present for the past.

He says I'm jealous of her. Would he allow me to do these things with an ex? I suggested counseling. He refuses. I'm feeling I have to leave this mess.



Come on, think about this: she had to have some kind of plastic surgery. She’s probably a double-bagger. What are you so insecure about?

DEAR MARGO: I am 47, the mother of three great kids, with a wonderful husband. Now that my kids are older, I've decided to pursue the career I always wanted: nursing. I was accepted into a nursing program, and it turned out that I was able to get financial aid to help pay for it. I couldn't be happier that I have been given this amazing opportunity.

The problem? I had every intention of keeping my job as a teacher's aide at a high school in another town, but after attending a few of the nursing classes and speaking with the career counselor, I realized the workload would be too much and I needed to choose one or the other. I chose nursing. I knew it was last minute, so I offered to work until a replacement was found, but they accepted my resignation "effective immediately."

Now my former colleagues, who I thought were my friends, will not call me back. I have called and sent e-mails and Facebook messages asking how they are doing, but I have yet to receive an answer. Needless to say, I am heartbroken. My husband says there is nothing more I can do and I should just let it go, but I am struggling with this, feeling both guilty and sad.



Your husband’s right. It’s possible that the friendship was deeper on your side than theirs, so just let it go.

And remember, you’ll be a nurse soon. One day, there’s a chance one of these “friends” may come to you to get blood drawn. Make it hurt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS – I am wondering if it is rude to ask a bride to repay me for all of the purchases I made for her wedding since it did not last a year.
I know that she is supposed to return gifts she received from the wedding, so I am wondering if the same rule applies to the wedding party. I never wanted to be in the wedding but since it was family I had to say yes.



Actually, neither rule applies. Gifts don’t have to be returned except in the case of a cancelled wedding.

As far as the stuff you bought her, get over yourself. How much of a refund do you think you’re really going to get on a few boxes of Pamprin and some hair rollers?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even hung over you still have it going on. The witty retorts could only be improved by having them published where the actual letter writers could read them. I do wish to comment on the first letter. I think the boxed in man was the one who had the time to play the lottery and wouldn't you know it the lazy ass won. Now he is in control and has the money to hold or withhold as the case may be. Damn, she sure wishes she had married him so half would be hers.
I hear that having a stiff drink will make the hang over better but then that may lead to having to attend those damn meetings. Have a great weekend, Ted

7:59 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

He got lucky, but she's the intelligent one who gets out of the house...she could easily bamboozle half the money from him somehow. Or, failing that, she could GET married to him, then off him to inherit the whole pile. Yes, I'm cranky when I have a headache and dry mouth...

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you are a big teddy bear. I'm attending communtiy college, yes at my age! I only take a couple of classes a week so it is taking a long time to get through it. Not to mention they keep dropping my major and making me start almost all over. Anyway, in my survey of American History class today my instructor was talking about Adolph Hitler and said, "I don't trust anybody with a mustache but no beard." then looked at me. I have a mustache with no beard. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, my instructor is a women about my age. Ted

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