Saturday, March 12, 2011

Aaron's Rotten Advice: March 11, 2011 ("Some Days I'm Just Dry, and This Is One of 'Em") Edition

DEAR AMY: I am a happily married 45-year-old woman with three school-age children.

I took a job driving a cab in the worst part of town because I was bored sitting around the house.

I love my job, even though it is unhealthy and dangerous and the money isn't that great. I just really love the people and driving. My family and everyone else is appalled and want me to do something different.

I went out yesterday and obtained a job as a companion. I haven't started yet, but I already know how bored I am going to be.

Any suggestions on how to make the best of it?



I’m not sure what sort of “companion” you’ve signed on as, but if it’s what I think it is, you can have just as much excitement in the cab if you just move the seats back. And since you seem to "love the people" in that part of town so much, here's good news: they're the same people!

In any event, get the money up front and tell them nothing too kinky.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married man, but not happily. I have been taking the kids on play dates with a neighbor woman who has been kind enough to meet with the children and doesn't seem to care too much that I'm a guy. As you can imagine, most women will not bother to befriend a man they know is married.

She has two kids who are close in age to mine. She is 19 years younger than I am and lives with her boyfriend.

I have fallen in love with her. I know I can't tell her, and I doubt she feels the same toward me. When we part, we do hug each other. It makes me feel fantastic, something I haven't experienced for a long time.

Should I continue getting together with her or should I avoid her? I feel both happy and sad when I see her because I realize she is basically out of reach.



Yeah, see this is why most women don’t want to make friends with married men—you always want to be “friends with benefits.”

Why are you hugging this woman at all? These are kids’ play dates, not a birth coaching class—get a grip and go home to your wife. Buy a “toy” on the way home—that might be the first step towards marital happiness.

DEAR ELLIE: I just finished paying off $20,000 in student loans, in 18 months. I want to travel, as I've never been anywhere. I've been looking for inexpensive resorts but my husband won't spend his hard-earned money on a "trashy" vacation.

When I started looking for exclusive resorts, he said, "That's just too expensive!" Do I just go by myself? I feel he's turning something celebratory into this big drama. And like I have no one in my corner wanting to celebrate my accomplishments with me.



Congratulations on paying off your debt so quickly--$20,000 in 18 months is pretty damn impressive. I only owed $12,000 after the grants and what I payed myself, and it still took me 10 years. 10 years of toil, aging and decrepitude…

You know what? I’m envious of you now, and seething with resentment. In fact, I don’t feel like answering your question anymore. What was it again? Oh, yeah, the vacation. Go wherever you want, I don’t give a shit.

DEAR MARGO: I’m living with my mother, who has Alzheimer’s. I’m an only child, but my mother has three sisters. I have no one to relieve me once in a while so I can have time for myself. I’m also under a doctor’s care, and she told me I was to take at least two days a week and get out. I can’t do this. My mother is very headstrong and will not allow anyone in the house who is a stranger — and she will not go anywhere.

Now I have another problem. I reconnected with my first love, but he lives in another state. I so want to move out there to be with him, but I don’t know what to do about Mom. I would only be gone three or four months of the year. (The rest of the time I would be living here with Mom.) I’m hoping to be with him this month. He is very understanding and hopeful. He is 64 and retiring this year, and I’m 61 and want to make a life on my own with him. What can I do?



So just where are the three Gorgon sisters while you’re stuck in the house?? Tell one of them to waddle over once or twice a week with her stack of Enquirers and her box of Depends and sit with her sister. How exhausting could it be? You should be doing what the doctor says, or you’ll get run down and sick yourself, and you won’t be any good to your mom at all.

As far as your old flame, you can’t leave your mom for months at a time, obviously, but why can’t he come visit you periodically? Tell the lazy turd to hop on a plane and get his bony old ass where you are, pronto. (And here’s a tip: it would help if you met him at the airport in a corset and riding crop. No, don't ask questions.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson is estranged from his father, and I want to include him in the obit but not list him as his son. May I do this? However, I want to list my children from another marriage but not indicate they are stepchildren. Please advise. This is a ticklish subject.



Gee, I wonder how he became “estranged?” Let’s all put our thinking caps on and puzzle this one out, hmm?



Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the Dear Amy letter she took a job driving a cab in the worst (read dangerous)part of town because she was bored? Now she is a cab driving "companion" a bedroom on wheels so to speak. Any suggestions on how to make the best of what? She is making money by the minute or miles traveled and by the hour, does she have a meter for that too?
Why is the next guy bothering Dear Abby? I know and you do too that he is going to put the moves on this poor lady who is living in a dream world where men aren't thinking about sex 24/7.
I'm going to be paying on my student loans until 5 years after I'm dead. How the hell did she pay them off in 18 months? Oh, wait a darnn minute, didn't she just graduate from college with a degree? Why does she need his money, anyway? Tell her to book a trip on a singles cruise of the old man wants to stay home.
The Dear Margo letter has enoughholes in it to sink a battleship. Her mother has alzheimers so she doesn't know she even has a daughter. Headstrong, strangers not allowed in the house? She thinks everyone is a stranger if she truly has the disease. Maybe she is just starting to show signs, if so she can live alone for awhile as long as somebody checks on her every day. If she has "reconnected" with her first love maybe he thought it was a one time roll in the hay and would be very surprised to see her show up on his doorstep. He is hopeful alright, he is hoping to keep her on the side for an occasional romp and far away from his wife if my suspicions are correct.
Miss Manners letter: Gentle reader, An Obit is not a geneaology chart, one does not have to list how each person named is related by blood or marriage. Since the guy hated his son and the feeling was mutual I do forsee some grave spinning if it appears they were close enough to have the brat named in the Obit. She should wait to list her own kiddies when she is writing her own Obit. Ted

3:28 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I figured she was probably some old snatch who estranged the kid from his father, and installed her own kids in his place. If so, I hope her obituary is written soon...of course, I could just be reading more into it than what exists, but I doubt it...

5:32 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home