Sunday, July 29, 2007

Hail, Hail, The Gang's Been Served...

This is a novel approach to the gang problem. Some cities are now using lawsuits in an effort to curb gang violence.

I can only wonder at the logistics of it. I mean, who would be the registered agent for a gang? Do they incorporate in Delaware or something for tax purposes?

And who would want to be the sheriff's process server for these suckers?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Oh My, THIS Explains a Lot...

I saw this link on a friend's blog on MySpace. If it's true, it certainly says a lot about our Monkey-in-Chief, not to mention what's going on in our country and the world right now:

Fascist Coup Planned in the '30s?

Brilliant "Sex And The City" Spoof

I saw this on Lady Bunny's blog originally and had to share. If you like golden girls, this "Sex and the City" parody from is right up your alley. Apparently answering the question "what happens to the gals when they get old(er)?," this 5-minute clip stars Bea Arthur, Sally Struthers, Katherine Helmond (from "Soap" and "Who's The Boss?") and--hold your hats--Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett from the "Facts of Life"), partying at the clubs of NYC like their greener counterparts. Let's see how much fun they have!

The funny thing is, although Bea is unrecognizable in the SJP wig, the girls don't look all that bad, considering...

Oh, and wait until you see Mr. Big.

Click here to watch it.

Friday, July 27, 2007

When Beliefs and Professions Collide...'s time to find a different profession. Do your job or step aside. Period. As a pharmaceutical student, you must have known that contraception fell under the category of "pharmaceuticals." And yet, you chose to go to pharmaceutical school, so it must have been OK with you then. What's that you say? Contraceptives are straying further and further into the "morally-unacceptable zone?" Well, toots, the entire world is headed that direction.

And the stakes are higher than just keeping teenagers under our thumbs. We're not just talking about wayward Kids In The Back Seats of Cars anymore. We're talking about professional adults, people advanced in their careers, people all the way into their 40s, precipitating a major world crisis of overpopulation.

What's that you say? "Abstinence?" You're going to preach abstinence to married people?? Give me some of whatever you're sniffing. And what about rape victims? That sort of dashes the whole "abstinence" argument, doesn't it? Go tell the rapists to "abstain." And please, let me know what they say. Can't wait to hear it.

He Has No Clothes, But Our Emperor Has Lots of Hubris...

I heard White House Press Secretary Tony Snow on CNN last night, saying that Congress is "out of control" on the Alberto Gonzales issue. If by "out of control" he means "diligent, dogmatic and determined to find out the truth, regardless of administration stonewalling," then yes, Congress is "out of control." Out of the administration's control, that is. And boy, they don't like that. Not. At. All.

For the entire past week, Snow has been basically stamping his foot and throwing a princess tantrum on behalf of the White House. He seems to find it incredibly audacious that the legislative branch and the American people refuse to roll over and just accept Bush's feeble hot beef injection any longer. Why the surprise? Haven't you checked the poll numbers lately, Tony? The entire country hates you, except for about 20 percent--and those people are either delusional Margaret White-type xenophobic, homophobic religious nuts with their bouffant heads up their asses, or oil tycoons who are hell-bent on preventing alternate fuel sources from becoming a reality (too bad the laws of supply and demand are against them on that one).

Yet, Bush and Company seem to know something we don't, or they would never dare to be so blatantly arrogant about trampling our rights, or disregarding the judicial process in the form of the currently overused "executive privilege." Snow said last night on CNN that if Congress continued being pesky over Gonzales, the administration "will take these discussions behind closed doors and settle it that way."

Try it, Tony. We've got a battering ram we're just dying to use.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

McCain the Able?

I think this broad's off her rocker sometimes, but this column from Amity Shlaes in is a really thoughtful exploration of why John McCain isn't as lame as everyone in Washington would have us believe. In fact, for a Republican, he's pretty straightforward and fair, actually has a plan, and puts his money where his mouth is. In short, he's completely un-Bushlike.

No wonder the other Republicans hate him.

What Do YOU Suggest We Do, Then...?

Well, honestly. It seems as if we're damned if we do, and damned if we don't. Jesse Ausubel, the scientist from Rockefeller University who conducted this study, says that to build facilities for renewable energy sources would damage the environment because of all the land that we'd have to "rape." (And why do all environmentalists talk like Buffy Sainte-Marie? I like her, too, but there a special "dogma-speak" class that these people have to take in order to get their Ph.D.s?)

Other scientists aren't as dire in their estimations of land grab. Ausubel says that the most environmentally-friendly alternative is nuclear energy, because it leaves behind no waste. Like the mafia--kill but don't leave any evidence!

I realize that nuclear energy IS efficient compared to the fossil fuels that we've been burning, but it DOES leave behind waste. Ask the folks at Three Mile Island, Chernobyl and Love Canal...

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Oh, Now THIS Is The Goddamn Limit!!

Boy, I'm just on a roll of bitch today...must be the humidity. Or the lack of sex. Or both.

But I just saw this online and it totally frosted my nuts. You know, I sympathize with anyone who's lost a pet, but I'm just sick of the pedestal everyone puts Oprah on. Even her DOG gets worshipped, for fuck's sakes! Enough! Did she think that because she's the richest woman in the world that the damned dog would live forever?! What, did she have, like, Doctor Doggy Frankenstein in her house to give it immortality biscuits?

I should be a lot more compassionate, I guess, but frankly I'm more concerned about the kids getting killed in Iraq and the Korean tourists in Afghanistan. I haven't seen anything in the news on Iraq today. And Oprah's dead dog was listed above the Afghan hostages. How fucked up is that?

Rambler's Ramblings...

A few thoughts that crossed my mind as I walked downtown during my half-hour break this afternoon:

Old Man in The Tommy Bahamas Shirt: Your t-shirt indicates that you fancy yourself far hipper than you really are. Here's a li'l tip for you and your geriatric buddy--when people are trying to pass, let them pass. Do not spread out and walk even further astride so you can monopolize the whole sidewalk--and start swaggering to boot! As God as my witness, in my current mood, I'll knock you right out into the street.

Tourist Family Waddling Along Michigan Avenue: I realize you have about 1,000 strollers to push, filled with kids who are perfectly ambulatory but just too lazy to walk. I realize this. But standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk is just a piss-poor idea. You've probably realized that by now. So at least have enough courtesy to acknowledge people around you, even if they don't belong to your inbred clan. And tell your zit-faced teenage son not to shoot me dirty looks as I pass--he should save his sullen expressions for the overpriced Cubs pennant he'll no doubt purchase at Wrigley Field later on, or for the stench of urine at the Addison L stop, courtesy of yet another of your charming number who couldn't hold their Old Style at the Friendly Confines.

Asshole Teenagers On Bicycles: Let's have a vocabulary lesson, fuckfaces. It's called a sidewalk, not a sideride. Do you know why that is? That's right! Because it's primarily for walking. That means as pedestrians, we have the right of way over you. Don't yell "excuse me" into my ear and think it's so fucking hilarious when I jump. You and your bikes will get a free makeover. (And I ain't talking about the Mary Kay kind.)

*Sigh* Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Sleazy Gonzales

AP Photo by Douglas Pizac.

Attorney General (for now) Alberto Gonzales continues to stonewall and smirk his way through hearings with the Senate Judiciary Committee today. If he weren't part of President Bush's plutocracy, he wouldn't look and act so smug. Everyone (especially Arlen Specter and Charles Schumer) knows this guy's a slimy liar. Look at that smart-ass grin. Don't you want to smack it right off of him?

The good news is that the wolves are circling the Bush camp. He and his nitroglycerin-popping buddy Dick Cheney have managed to skate away scot-free on nearly every count, but dumb luck can't hold forever. Not even when you're as dumb as Bush.

Let's keep putting the pressure on our elected officials to start actually representing us (instead of sucking up and compromising, Nancy Pelosi) and hold them accountable. They will have an opportunity very soon to cite the White House for contempt, and they'd better do it.

Just A Thought...

I saw this funny headline this morning on Yahoo! Sports. It said "Barry Bonds: Chasing Immortality." I thought to myself, "if he'd taken a few more steroids, maybe he could run fast enough to catch it, too!"

Yep, I'm gonna burn. No doubt about it.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Keeping Up With The Joans - July 20, 2007

What a fun weekend we've had! The Joans' club date at Ronny's on Friday night went really well. Despite the Harry Pothead book feeding frenzy mob scene midnight sale (yay! Book's out! Now everybody, shut the fuck up about it already!), we had a spectacular turnout and everyone really enjoyed it. As an extra bonus, our friends Mr. Projector and his filming partner Dave were at the show and captured it from two different cameras, and they tell us the sound quality was exceptionally good when they played it back. They also filmed The Countdown, a terrific local band who invited us to play with them in the first place, thereby introducing us to this venue. It was an interesting set-up: a small local bar in Logan Square/Bucktown that has an ENORMOUS room in the back (with a sound-proof door!) for live music performances. We were playing up a storm in the back, and they were calmly chatting and listening to Freddy Fender in the jukebox in the front. Cans of PBR were only $2. (Yes, I did--don't ask.)

And yesterday, we did an interview with Dave and Mr. Projector, which they're going to edit together with performance footage. I felt a little awkward and nervous, because I didn't know what to talk about, but it seemed to go just fine. They're very excited about it and so are we.


Still a little concerned about Mom. She's not eating as much as she should AT ALL and has lost a lot of weight in the last three weeks (since the first treatment). On top of that, she had a gall bladder attack last week (probably from not eating), so the doctor is waiting to give her the second treatment. I talked to her yesterday and she said she's fine, but she was yawning throughout the conversation ("See? You're run down from not eating!") and I could tell she needed more energy. Since she can't taste much of anything, she won't salivate and that makes it difficult to eat. I told her to buy some frozen yogurt and cut-up fruit and stuff, which is moist and won't be hard on her digestion. I also left some there the last time I was down there. I'm thinking of possibly swinging down there next Saturday (just for the day) to see if she's doing OK. I can't do this really often since I can't afford the gas, but if I can convince her I'll pester her all the time unless she eats properly, I might scare her into it. :-)


That's all for now. The Joans are playing again August 3 at the Flesh Hungry Dog Rock and Roll Show at Jackhammer (6406 N. Clark St. at Devon). $8 cover. We're one of three bands, so come catch the tunes if you can!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Harry-ed and Married

Weddings and Harry Potter. It's two, two, TWO things I never want to hear about again, rolled into one!

Healthcare Clusterf*ck

One more example of how Chicago, as well as the rest of the country, is in terrible shape when it comes to providing healthcare. So what would make more sense than to fire the nurse who'd just been given the highest award the county bestows--because she wouldn't take a demotion?

It's also an example of how our county board president cares more about bureaucracy than providing care to people that need it. But then, like father, like son... He'll be quick to point out, however, that it's the union's fault.

(Ah, yes. It usually is, especially when the boss starts looking bad. Those pesky unions. Damn them for looking out for their workers! The very idea...)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Um, Got Any EXPERIENCE With That Attitude, Toots?

Photo from

I applaud him for his openness, good for him, and blah, blah, blah. But let's be honest: do we really need a 23-year-old Gap worker telling us how to dress? Especially one with Peter Tork's hair?

I'm going to guess "no." And exactly what makes him an expert in fashion anyway? The fact that he's worked at Gap for six years? Where I come from, that's called "lack of ambition." If he's doing it for the employee discounts, all I can say is, he's gonna look goddamn boring wearing nothing but Gap clothes all the time. And then, he'll have to get all bitchy and queeny on himself.

Oooooh, gurlfriiiieeeend.

Honestly, what's with this rash of mallrats who have suddenly decided that they are the sherpas of all things current and hip? Shouldn't they at least move out of their parents' houses first? I can't take anyone seriously until they become completely self-supporting and KNOW what sacrifice and hardship are.

So in the meantime, I'll wear what I want with pride. (Get it? "Pride?" Huh? Huh?) I don't WANT to look like them, anyway. What's so great about conformity? Isn't this just another form of the Bitchy Girls' table in the school cafeteria? I don't think a 23-year-old gets to tell an almost-40-year-old man (or ANYONE) how to dress. And if you call ME "bitch," I'll scratch your goddamn eyes out. And since you never close them, it's gonna hurt.


Monday, July 16, 2007

Hold The Spice

In this AFP File Photo, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham shows us how well Astroglide works as a lip gloss.

Apparently, not everyone in America gives a shit about the Beckhams. For those of you not "in the know" (meaning you must live in a sensory deprivation tank these days--I'm thinking of buying one for this purpose, actually), the Beckhams are deified British soccer star David Beckham, who's coming to play for Los Angeles Galaxy, and his clotheshorse brood mare wife, Victoria, formerly known as "Posh Spice" of the Spice Girls.

The impeccable credentials dazzle. Room spinning. Must find chair.

I don't give much credence to the New York Post, but I do love that their review of a planned reality mini-series on her daily life calls her behavior "vapid and condescending" and states that their mansion decor is "nightmarishly overdone." The behavior part is debatable (the New York Times says that she's "pleasant" enough, although I don't know what the benchmark of "pleasant" is these days). And I couldn't care less how they want to decorate their house. It's their house--if they want to paint it in wildebeast feces, that's up to them.

But the fact that these tacky super-celebs are constantly being crammed down our throats is beginning to gall me. Even more galling is that their behavior is depicted as normal--in showing these people go through the routines of their days, the producers of these shows make them our protagonists, and us their unwitting henchmen. I don't watch the shows, but who can fucking escape them? Even at work, in an open-air cubicle farm, we're forced to listen to this shit eight hours a day. And, in general, I really resent having to feel embarrassment on their behalf when they're rude to a shop assistant, a secretary, or someone else who doesn't deserve their shit and doesn't have a weapon handy (as I most assuredly would in dealing with these human scabies).

But since television is too cheap to hire writers (except those working on "24," "Desperate Housewives" and the "CSI" quintology), I suppose this is all we'll ever get. It is heartening, however, that this show, which was intended to be a mini-series, was cut to a one-hour special.

Perhaps a seed of brain is germinating in the collective skull of broadcast television. Let's water it well.

The Joans THIS FRIDAY!!!

Joans Bite

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

I was wrong about the chemo my mom's having--it DOES make your hair fall out.

I haven't talked with her for about a week and a half (although we've e-mailed a couple of times), but she e-mailed me a picture from her summer picnic at work last night, and I just opened it today. It was kind of a shock, because for some reason, I thought this stuff DIDN'T make your hair fall out! (I don't know why I thought that--any kind of chemo stops cell growth, and that includes hair.)

She feels fine otherwise and I talked to her a few minutes ago (she left me a voice mail while I was out that her land line and e-mail are on the fritz, so to call her cell if I needed to get hold of her--she'd emailed the picture from work). She just got her taste back and said "I have a week before the next treatment, so I guess I'll have to enjoy it while I can."

She has a wig, but doesn't wear it often--she just wears a ball cap when she's outside, then just leaves it bald at work. She did that the last time, too, 13 yrs. ago. (At Halloween, she dressed up as Uncle Fester from "The Addams Family." I wonder if she'll do that this year, too. She works at a different place now, so they won't have seen it.)

Her next chemo's on Friday--the same day as our Joans gig! I feel kind of weird about that somehow...although it's not like I could do anything extra anyway, and all her family are down there, which is a relief to me, knowing that she's always got someone there.

It's times like this that make me wonder if I did the right thing moving away (even though she was cancer free when I came here 10 years ago)...

Friday, July 13, 2007

You Must Be THIS Big To Ride This Ride, Apparently

With war raging, prices skyrocketing and the economy sputtering, what bigger problems could there be than a baby who talks too much on a plane?

I'm sorry, if a flight attendant told me to drug my kid to keep him quiet (more specifically, to "shut him up now"), they'd find their OWN ass with a syringe full of morphine in it.

And I'd take all the fucking peanuts I wanted.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Fireside Chutzpah

(Too bad this wasn't a radio address, or the title would have made more sense!)

I particularly love that the President tells everyone that "it's time to move on." I agree wholeheartedly. It's time to Move On.

He did pay a lovely tribute to the late former First Lady, Ladybird Johnson. "She brought grace to the White House and beauty to the country," he said.

Amazing how little time it took him to destroy both.

Betcha Won't See Oprah Doing This

This brings new meaning to "filthy lucre."

A very nice sentiment, though. Here in the U.S., we seem to willing flush our money down the toilet...and if we don't, we have leaders who will.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Fun With Words!

Last night, I was at a meeting of the auxiliary board of a non-profit organization I volunteer for. It's actually called the "Young Philanthropists' Board" or YPB for short. (It's my little joke that if they actually knew how old I was, they'd have to change the name to the "Young-ISH Philanthropists' Board." I really think I'm the oldest one on it, by far...)

So we were thinking of clever names for our wine-tasting fundraising event in September. Last year, we called it "Uncorked," which is fine and we could use it again if we want, but it would be cool to have a different name. I thought about something with "Full Bodied" in it. One of the girls, Adrianne, was going through a wine connoisseur's book for ideas, and came up with "Full Bodied With Great Legs." We all liked it, but don't want to be TOO suggestive, although Adrianne came up with some great artwork of a voluptously curved bottle with legs on it. We laughed a lot. And realized we can't use that.

So, "Uncorked" it is, for now at least. Any suggestions?

(On a side note, it was eerie to be sitting with so many people who are probably too young too remember that song "Turning Japanese.")

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I just got the following "e-mail news digest" from Crain's Chicago Business:

"The jury in the racketeering and fraud trial of fallen media tycoon Conrad Black (publisher of the Chicago Sun-Times) sent a note to the judge Tuesday during their ninth day of deliberations saying they are unable to reach a verdict and asking for advice."

Okay, I'll be the judge. Now here's some advice--pull your thumbs outta yer asses. How many witnesses were there, for Christsakes? You have more than enough evidence to make a decision one way or another. So get back in that room and don't come out until you've done your job. We're not paying for greasy take-out food for a whole new batch of jurors in three months.


President Bush said on CNN today that the U.S. needs to enact policy that will "marginalize extremists." I think this is a bad idea.

Because then, how will we tell them from the rest of the American people?


Monday, July 09, 2007

Oh God, I Wish I Was Dead

(From an online banner ad on MySpace)

Where's Your Candice Bergen NOW?

Don't feel like providing customer service? The hell with 'em!

Executive Privilege is Not A Right

...and it's time to take that privilege away.

I especially love the following quote from a letter written by White House Counsel Fred Fielding:

"You may be assured that the president's assertion here comports with prior practices in similar contexts, and that it has been appropriately documented."

The whole thing smacks and reeks of "cover-your-assitude," doesn't it? Only a slick, slimy lawyer could write so aloofly, distantly, and noncommitally. (I don't care if those are official words or not--they are now.)

And what is it with "Freds" and Republicans, anyway? First Fred Thompson's connection to Nixon and now this. Enuff, already!

I hear that Cindy Sheehan plans to challenge Nancy Pelosi in the next election if Pelosi doesn't move to impeach the Prez in the next month or so. I hope she does it--it's clear that Pelosi and the rest of the mealy-mouthed Dems are rolling over and trying to "play nice" with the Repubs, and this is not the time for it. We need to stop being intimidated by the arrogant bully tactics of this administration.

What's it going to take? (That's actually the first line of the last message I sent my reps.)

Saturday, July 07, 2007

A Saturday Political Poem

Fred Thompson, Fred Thompson

You wear such fancy clothes

Fred Thompson, Fred Thompson

Where have you had your nose?

ANSWER: Why, in Nixon's drawers, apparently!

Happy Campaign Trails, Freddie...

The Genius of Rick and Mike

This pic already appeared on David Cerda's blog a few days ago, but I wanted to show it off here, too. This is from our photo session at Rick Aguilar's a few weeks ago, and designer and company member Mike Miller (fondly known to Handbag audiences most recently as Sally in "Caged Dames") Photoshopped a beautiful background behind us.

We all look so serene, don't we? I especially love the expression on Jennifer Joans' face. Half Faye Dunaway in the board room, half Anthony Perkins ("I'm not even going to swat that fly...").

The Joans are playing July 20 at Ronny's in Wicker Park/Logan Square (2101 N. California) with The Countdown and Screen Vinyl Image. Show starts at 8PM. Should be lots of fun, so come if you can!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Fire in the Sky and a Movie Review...

I can still hear the rumbling and popping of a few leftover fireworks in the neighborhood (at least I hope that popping is fireworks!), and reflecting on a fun 4th. I went to Guitar Center today since I had a gift card there I hadn't used yet, and bought a new pair of drum sticks (you can't have too many!) and a set of practice pads.

I also plunged in and invested in a headset microphone system (I sort of gulped, bit the bullet and handed them my credit card), because I've been needing one. I was warned that it's not the most expensive (read: best) brand, and it's on VHF frequency, so there's a chance I'll pick up police radio over the monitor. (Wouldn't that be fun during a performance? With my luck, I'll hear the police responding to a burglary at my apartment building...)

Later on, I went to David Cerda's house, where he had a few Handbaggers, Joans and friends over for a little get-together. We watched the beginning of "The Big Cube," a movie starring Lana Turner as a newly-married and retired actress whose stepdaughter starts driving her insane by spiking her drinks with acid. All I can say about Lana is, it's even more obvious as she got older that she had to have been discovered in a drugstore...I can't imagine her auditioning like that and getting work! But it's definitely worth watching just for the costumes and wigs, and it's loads of fun in the "so-bad-it's-good" category.

And if you haven't already seen it, I highly recommend "Girls Will Be Girls," with Coco Peru, Varla Jean Merman and Jack Plotnick (all men playing female roles). That movie's just damned good. It's sort of a cross between "The Valley Of The Dolls" and "The Women." The dialogue was funny, all the "business" was effective, and the three actors won Jury Awards for their performances. Jack Plotnick's performance as Evie, the untalented has-been-who-never-was, was comically perfect. To describe her, I can only tell you to picture Eve Harrington middle-aged and bitter, and cross her with Elaine Stritch and Sylvia Miles. Coco and Varla were wonderful as well. Many jokes were made in the dialogue about Coco being unattractive, but she's actually quite a pretty drag queen...

Another highlight of my day was my bus ride this afternoon, listening to some gangsta on his cell phone talking about his drug bust and his upcoming "cawt appearance." Boiled down, the gist of the conversation sounded like this:

"Muthafucka Muthafucka Shit Shit Shit
Muthafucka Muthafucka Shit Shit Shit"

(If you say it in the right tempo, it sounds just like that song "Cotton-Eyed Joe.")

So, is everyone back to work tomorrow? Yeah...?

NOT ME! I took two days of vacation, so I'm sleeping in tomorrow and doing laundry (God, I hope Faith Hill's not being interviewed anywhere).

Hope everyone had a fantastic fourth!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Interdependence Day

Myspace Graphics

(Let's not think too hard about how little meaning this holiday has under our current leadership, hmm?)

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

No Ahmadinejad Movie

Iran President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has rejected director Oliver Stone's offer to make a biopic of him, saying that Stone is part of the "Great Satan" Hollywood establishment.

But actually, it's because Stephen Railsback isn't available for the title role. And who else could play it? The man did wonders with Charles Manson...

Monday, July 02, 2007

The Madness of George W., Redux

Well, we couldn't have been terribly surprised to see this today. Although when I did see it on the news, while I was at the gym, I did have another out-loud "what the fuck?!" moment.

President Bush has proven that he can once again play chess with the justice system by pardoning Scooter Libby. (Who knew old Monkey Ears was smart enough for chess? By the way, the link in the paragraph above will take you to the Fox News account of the story--might as well get it straight from the horse's ass.) Bush was gracious enough to allow as how the verdict was in, but the goshdurned sentence was just too durned harsh. So he commuted the portion that would have sent Libby to prison for 30 months. You know, the way he said that anyone connected with the Plame leak would be sent to prison? Yeah--appears he's changed his mind. What are we going to do about it, after all?

Oh, but he's allowing the $250,000 fine to stand, dagnabbit! Because he has to throw the little people some sort of crumb. And after all, the taxpayers won't be on the hook for that or anything. No, sir--no creative accounting will come to pass there, I'm sure. "It's still a pretty harsh punishment," Bush insists.

Well, sorry, Dopey, but it's not quite enough. So here's an idea, George: how's about you eat a nice big bowl of chili, then make Scooter stand behind you in a closed elevator for 5 hours? No panic button, no little phone thing. Just Scooter and tooter.

Or, how about this: we'll let Libby off without even a fine if you throw us the one who's really responsible for this fucking mess (besides you, of course):

That's right, George. Give up Dick.

(Boy, I'll bet you never thought you'd hear that one, did you?)

Sunday, July 01, 2007

TravelBlogue: Casa de Mama, Day 3: Pictorial

Today was a much better day at Casa de Mama. She felt really well, except for the headache, which was not as bad as yesterday, so the chemo seems to be wearing off. So now, she'll only have to put up with this every three weeks! Oy.

But we had a nice time today, watching Paula Deen's show on Food Network, then watching an old English mermaid movie called "Miranda" that she'd Tivo'd. I left around 4:30 and just got home a few minutes ago.

And realized that I'd left my cell phone on her coffee table.

I called her and told her I'd left it and she's going to send it to me (at home, since I'll be off work at the end of the week, and I'll get it faster here). I could tell she was really glad I was there, and so was I. (UPDATE: The phone was in my bag--I just didn't see it the first time I looked. So I called mom back and told her not to worry.) I did say there'd be some, didn't I? Now, as I mentioned, there are no pics of Mom, because she wasn't smiling so big this weekend (and she'd freaking murder me if she thought I took any), but I did get some "still life stills" of places I visited (not exciting, but it gives you some idea of the place that spat me out).

I mentioned going to the new YMCA in Peoria. It's located in Willow Knolls housing complex, which is the next best thing to a "gated" community Peoria has for people who don't want to mow lawns. I give you:

The Stepford YMCA. Well, actually, the Greater Peoria Family YMCA. Oh, I grant you the building doesn't look like much--it's more like the holding area that undesirables or people with real brains would be relegated to when discovered in Stepford. But even the people that go there are all good-looking. I stood out like a broken thumb. And look at the grounds:

I fully expected to be apprehended by Nanette Newman or Tina Louise as I unlocked my car and then taken to the Replacement Center.

I visited with my dad and stepmom later in the afternoon (I didn't have my camera with me, unfortunately, so no pics there). My mom's, though, is a treasure trove of quirky pics--I didn't have time to take many this visit, but I'll get some more when I go back. Mom has a fondness for turn-of-the-century advertising, on platters, wall plaques, cups, etc. She has this little gem in her bathroom:

(To answer the question, no, mother, you have a BIG fairy in your home!)

She also has a balcony outside where she keeps plants and a bird feeder:

She's gotten terse notes from the bitch who lives downstairs when a little bird seed has dropped from mom's balcony onto hers, so mom put out a baking sheet with the seed on it, and the birds can still get to it. So far, no more squawking from Miss Gulch downstairs, but I'm not too concerned--even with cancer, if push came to shove, I think mom could easily take her...

So this was the milestone...I think the other treatments will be easier, now that she knows what to expect. Thanks to everyone for all their positive thoughts and prayers...they were and are very much appreciated!

TravelBlogue: La Casa de Mama, Day 2

Today was a little rougher on La Mama...she had a tremendous headache all day, and wasn't able to eat much this morning at all, although she had a little tea and a morsel of toast. Since she was mostly sleeping, I went into Peoria for a few hours to get her some more of the Asiago cheese bagels from Panera that she likes and also to go to the YMCA. They've built a new Y now on the north end of town. There used to be this rather derelict, run-down facility on Hamilton Blvd. downtown, which had such old equipment that it looked like set pieces from "Lost in Space." And the workout room had no windows at all. The new place is quite fancy-schmancy and on this big expanse of ground in the Willow Knolls housing complex (it's like Florida without all the sun). I have pictures that I'll add tomorrow when I'm back on my own computer.

I was back in Chillicothe at about 12:30 and she was still sleeping in her chair. Still feeling lousy, too. When she did wake up, she could barely manage the headaches and was getting muscle cramps (both side affects of this stuff, which I think is called Avastin?). But she was fine and still resting, so I just kept her water replenished.

I visited with my dad and stepmom this afternoon and came back to start dinner around 6:00. About 7:00, my aunt called. My cousin had just left her house and was on his way to mom's with his fiance and her grandchildren. Now, his fiance is a lovely lady, and I like my cousin, but for Christ's sake!!! My mother felt like shit, her hair was all messy and she was wearing an old T-shirt and shorts. Clearly, she was not up for receiving visitors! Especially two kids she'd never seen before. But my cousin has a habit of just dropping by spontaneously, without fucking calling, which is a teensy fucking bit annoying. For fuck's sakes.

But it turned out to be a good thing, I think. The grandkids were cute, the youngest one was fascinated by anything shiny in mom's apartment and I think making conversation perked her up a little. And Jeannie, his fiance, is as nice as she can be, so it's always good to see her. They were only here for about a half hour, and by the time they left, she was feeling a little better, and ate a good amount of dinner.

She had Tivo'd "Reefer Madness," so I just got done watching that. (Much better than I expected, actually. Bad in a good way.) Hopefully, she'll feel even better tomorrow...(I have to go back to Chicago tomorrow night either way for work Monday morning...but a good breakfast will make all the difference, I think.)

One thing I've noticed on this particular trip down: people can't fucking drive in a sane fashion here. I've encountered more flat-faced trailer trash that can't seem to use their turn signals (or BRAKES) on this trip than any ever before. I think the banjo music is getting to them...

So, thus ends day 2 of "The Trip To Casa de Mama." Day 3's wrap-up tomorrow night!