Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Rambler's Ramblings...

A few thoughts that crossed my mind as I walked downtown during my half-hour break this afternoon:

Old Man in The Tommy Bahamas Shirt: Your t-shirt indicates that you fancy yourself far hipper than you really are. Here's a li'l tip for you and your geriatric buddy--when people are trying to pass, let them pass. Do not spread out and walk even further astride so you can monopolize the whole sidewalk--and start swaggering to boot! As God as my witness, in my current mood, I'll knock you right out into the street.

Tourist Family Waddling Along Michigan Avenue: I realize you have about 1,000 strollers to push, filled with kids who are perfectly ambulatory but just too lazy to walk. I realize this. But standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk is just a piss-poor idea. You've probably realized that by now. So at least have enough courtesy to acknowledge people around you, even if they don't belong to your inbred clan. And tell your zit-faced teenage son not to shoot me dirty looks as I pass--he should save his sullen expressions for the overpriced Cubs pennant he'll no doubt purchase at Wrigley Field later on, or for the stench of urine at the Addison L stop, courtesy of yet another of your charming number who couldn't hold their Old Style at the Friendly Confines.

Asshole Teenagers On Bicycles: Let's have a vocabulary lesson, fuckfaces. It's called a sidewalk, not a sideride. Do you know why that is? That's right! Because it's primarily for walking. That means as pedestrians, we have the right of way over you. Don't yell "excuse me" into my ear and think it's so fucking hilarious when I jump. You and your bikes will get a free makeover. (And I ain't talking about the Mary Kay kind.)

*Sigh* Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Happy Hump Day, everyone!


Anonymous Ed said...

So maybe I don't want to move to a big city. Here in the nearby college town I have to watch out for skateboarders. A young man almost ran me over the other day as I sauntered down the sidewalk. I said, "Hey!" as he passed by close enough to smell his bubble gum breath. He turned and said, "out of my way Faggot!" Such a nice boy his mama must be so proud.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

All it takes is one pebble under his wheel, and he'll be a nice little corpse for his mama to dress at the undertaker's. Try it next time.

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

What, you didn't run into the people who exit a building and then stop to talk directly in front of the door they just exited making it impossible for anyone else to leave get out the door?

Of course, my favorite was always the people who would force their way on to the el at the Mart stop before letting anyone get off the train. Every flipping morning the a group would try to shove their way onto the SRO car not realizing that there would be actual open space, seats even, if they would just step out of the way of the horde trying to exit.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

People NEVER figure that out! They do it on the Red Line, too, every day. Maddening!

5:51 PM  

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