Friday, April 27, 2007

To Grandmother's House We Don't Go

A court in the Bahamas has ruled against Virgie Arthur, mother of the late Anna Nicole Smith, in her legal bid for custody of Smith's daughter, Daniellynn. The court has instead awarded custody to Larry Birkhead, Smith's one-time boyfriend (because "one time" is all it takes, apparently).

I can't imagine why they won't allow Virgie the chance to be a parent again. She was obviously so good at it...!

Photo of the Day

(Photo courtesy of AP/Mark J. Terrill)

Jack Nicholson takes a break during the filming of his newest movie, "The Roy Orbison Story," co-starring Barbi Benton.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Milestones Around My Neck

Actually, all of my milestones are pretty glad occasions right now...but I just couldn't resist the terrible pun for my title!

We had our Hell In A Handbag fundraiser, "A Handbag Happening," last night at The Spot. It was a huge success, with an even bigger crowd than we expected and a very appreciative audience. Friends and fellow bloggers Stephen and Dave were there, as well as a host of other friends, old and new, and we really appreciate their coming and putting up with all the smoke and foul language. Of course, growing up with my father and uncles, I'm used to such things, but not everybody is as coarse as I.

Pictures were being taken last night, so if I get my mitts on any, I'll be sure to share...

The event also marked the debut of The Joans, our new Joan Crawford punk tribute band, performing three original songs. It was loads of campy fun and we've been asked to play the May 4 Flesh Hungry Dog Show, too, so more on that later...


It dawned on me this morning that today marks the 10-year anniversary of my living in Chicago. I still marvel sometimes that I'm here...I fully expected to try my luck for a year, then slink back to Peoria (my hometown) with my tail between my legs, but somehow it never happened. And one year turned into two, two turned into three, etc., etc., and now I can't remember ever living anywhere else. (Oddly enough, when I go home to visit, I'm perfectly happy to be there, too, so I guess that proves I can be happy living anywhere!)

Lots of things make me feel ambivalent about living far from my family, sometimes: the death of my grandmother at Christmas three years ago (almost literally the minute I got home to visit), the return of my mom's cancer three years ago, and the sense that, since I won't have kids, this family is really all I'll ever have so I should cultivate it and make sure that I make it something that gives me emotional strength in my rapidly approaching old age. But I do get down to visit at least once every two months, and I keep in pretty close contact with my whole family.

And if the time ever comes that I want to "retire" to my hometown, I'll know when that is. (God knows what it will look like then--it's already so built up it's turning into a behemoth, with strip malls everywhere--they even have a drive-thru Starbucks.)


Finally, my two favorite political cartoons of the day!

First, this one from Mike Ramirez, courtesy of Copley News Source:

I agree with Sheryl Crow about getting our asses in gear on the environment, and I think recycling is tremendously important, but I think telling people that you use only one square of toilet paper per "visit" qualifies as TMI. Sorry--didn't wanna know that. I shudder to think what happens when she starts doing commercials for other sanitary products:

"Hey Ma, you ever get that less-than-environmentally-friendly feeling?"

And secondly, this little entry from Chip Bok, courtesy of the Akron Beacon-Journal:

I know that Vladimir Putin has become a sex symbol of the soon-to-be-reformed Soviet Union, and such shifts in history are inevitable, and the U.S. will kiss their ass for as long as its mutually beneficial (that is, after all, how international politics is played), but you can't be a successful ruler of such a tough place without breaking a few eggs, if you catch my drift.

Isn't that right, Mr. Yushchenko?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

A Handbag Happening TONIGHT!!

Don't miss out on the fun! Join us tonight at The Spot (4437 N. Broadway, just north of Montrose) for Hell in a Handbag's fundraiser, "A Handbag Happening!" Never-before-heard songs from the shows that were, weren't, or haven't been yet! Silent auction, raffle drawings, open bar from 7:00-9:00PM and open buffet from 7:00-10:00PM.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Monday, April 23, 2007

One More Casualty

A professor at Emmanuel College has been fired for pointing a marker at a student and saying "Pow" during a discussion on the Virginia Tech tragedy and, in his words, our society's "celebration of victimhood" in general.

He received a letter from the college administration late last week telling him he was fired and to stay off campus. One of the students who attended the lecture said that nobody appeared to be offended at the time. (But all it takes is one, of course...) The college administration, in one of those all-purpose, one-size-fits-all press statements said that the college doesn't allow "discriminatory or obscene" language? (I'm sorry, I thought he said "pow," not "shit.")

Think maybe we're getting a little oversensitive here? He was making an illustration, not threatening someone. And it was a marker, for God's sakes...

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Oh, No They Di'in't!!

Last night Sheryl Crow (singer of girl-pop drinking hits like "All I Wanna Do" and "Every Day Is A Winding Road") and Laurie David, the producer of "An Inconvenient Truth" and wife of "Curb Your Enthusiam's" Larry David (yes, that's right--Laurie and Larry), button-holed Karl Rove at the White House Correspondent's Association dinner on the topic of global warming.

The impromptu discussion was not an amiable one, by accounts from both sides. Laurie David said of Rove that she'd "never had anybody be so rude" (apparently, she missed Cheney). Rove, for his part, said, "She came over to insult me and she succeeded" (well, gosh, Karl, you shouldn't make it so easy).

This probably wasn't the most opportune time to engage a member of the administration on the global warming issue. After all, this is the night of celebration for the White House Correspondents, the biggest group of Republican ass-kissers in Washington, and administration officials are busy unzipping their trousers for the customary fellatio from their media marionettes. They simply have no time to discuss their many shortcomings, and certainly no time for Sheryl Crow and Laurie David. (As much as I admire their chutzpah, I have to wonder why rock stars always end up being our spokespeople. Oh, that's right, I forgot: the media ignores us plebes and seeks out the faces that are "famous," albeit chemically peeled.)

Maybe next time, they should approach with a white flag to precede them, or in this case, a blow-up doll on a stick. (On further consideration, they should probably strap one on, too, for old Karl...)

Friday, April 20, 2007

The Eye In The Sky

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has dispatched a crime-watching zeppelin to watch over the streets of Caracas.

Citizens fear that he's turning into Big Brother. I myself think there's a comedy routine in there somewhere ("Cheese it! Here comes the blimp!")

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Collective Responsibility?

I wonder how many of us saw the first images of Cho Seung Hui after the Virginia Tech shootings and felt a twinge of racist anger. I remember wondering, when they first released descriptions of him, "Why did they even mention that he was Asian? Did that have something to do with what he did?" I couldn't imagine that it did, but the media reported it, for whatever reason. And that reason was, probably, that his race was the most visible fact available about him at that time.

It's easy, when something like this happens, to start choosing up sides, to close ranks and establishing a sense of "otherness:" "Well, it was the other people who did this, not us." But in the grand history of our country, we are all immigrants, all descended from a group who are not indigenous to America (unless we're Native American), and from that standpoint, each of our cultures has been equally represented in some act of violence sometime during this ongoing story. Also, this gunman did not discriminate: his victims ran the gamut and he clearly selected them according to location, not race. There were several other Asians among his victims--people whose parents and families will weep over the loss of their beloved, whose families, like Cho's, probably braved incredible odds and suffered many tribulations to make it to America. Their gun-crazy promised land. Ironic, isn't it?

My cousin Jim is a Methodist minister in St. Louis, at a church with a large Korean-American community. Last night, they held a memorial service for all of the victims. Their minister said that the Korean-American community feels a deep sense of shame over the killings, that it was one of theirs who did the killing. My cousin asked if he and his co-pastor could attend, and she said they were most welcome. She asked my cousin to say a few words of prayer at the beginning of the service. Here are his observations, from an e-mail I received this morning:

"I don't claim to be an expert on Korean culture, but it seems to me that Koreans feel a much closer interconnection with one another than does the general American population as a whole. Those Koreans present tonight, and many I have observed in the media these past couple of days, do seem to feel a deep sense of guilt and shame as well as loss that this shooter was one of "theirs." I shared with the group that while it is good for us to gather together and pray, and very appropriate to remember each of those who lost their lives, even the shooter, who was a child of God and beloved of God as are we all, I also stressed that no one else was any more responsible than any of the rest of us for the actions of this one person. We all bear a certain amount of responsibility for living in a violent society and permitting a culture of violence to exist in our country, but just as we did not hold all Scotsmen liable for the actions of Timothy McVeigh, the bomber of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, we also cannot hold the Korean community responsible for the action of this one, obviously deeply disturbed young man."

I thought it was beautifully said.

And to their credit, none of the people I've heard talk about this have mentioned Cho's ethnicity as a factor. That could be because it doesn't really matter, or, more soberingly, that this has happened so often now that the perpetrators have been represented by almost every race, and no one culture is more guilty than any other in producing them.

And who knows what's deep inside a person, really deep down? Can a person so deeply disturbed be healed? I honestly think it's something that starts on the surface. The choice to take back our society is ours. Every day, we have a choice in how we treat people. The face that we show people is what they take away, what they learn about us. When people are shown more compassion, maybe they realize that they're not "in it alone," and maybe this will start to absorb. Whatever they're suffering may not seem so black and insurmountable if they sense that others are on their side.

And if it's help they need, maybe they'll get it.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

"Full Confidence"

President Bush has full confidence in Paul Wolfowitz, the former Deputy Secretary of Defense and besieged chair of World Bank.

That does not bode well for Wolfowitz. It makes him the next "Brownie." However, since he no longer works for President Bush's cabinet, the hex may be broken.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Surprise, Surprise...

(Aaron begins channeling his grandfather):

(Said in SE Missouri accent):

Well, surprahs, surprahs! Them furriners are using the Virginia Tech thing to criticize America. Is that all they ever do, critisahz?

And you know good and gutdamn well as soon as they're in trouble, they'll come a-blubberin' to us for help. Then turn around and hate us for it in 10 years. Thunderation!

(Aaron stops channeling his grandfather--but realizes that sometimes, his grandfather brought up some pretty good points. In his own down-home way, he taught Aaron that all countries need each other--"just lahk in World War II"--even though we disdain each other. And one country's tragedy is EVERYONE'S tragedy. Although grandpa probably didn't put it that way--he just said something about "frogs" and "not takin' no baths." But Aaron's sure the sentiment was the same.)

(Aaron has to stop talking about himself in third person--he'll sound crazy, unhinged and out-of-touch, like Miss Manners.)

It's CraaaAAAApTAStic!

Day 2 of no e-mail at work. Over the weekend, some idiot (and I use the term charitably) in corporate IT accidentally erased my account, so I can't receive e-mail now. I also had to have my network printers re-installed. I'm working on a big project right now, and need it, but what the hell? If they don't care, why should I?

UPDATE: Our IT guy here (who's not the problem and has been really great about it) says my case has been "escalated" and made priority (I think that just means that coporate IT just moves a folder to a different pile! :-) But at least it means they're paying attention).

What Could I Say?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Saving the Earth and our Tax Dollars?!

One of the most balanced Tribune columnists (in my opinion), Steve Chapman, had an interesting take on goverment regulation of fossil fuel consumption. They haven't historically worked well, since many measures that have been tried in the past created waste in one area while trying to spare waste in another (such as the example he points out about the incentive to increase ethanol use, and how it encourages farmers to burn more fossil fuels to harvest more grain)--essentially robbing Peter to pay Paul.

He has a good argument about letting market forces control the process. "Necessity being the mother of invention," and all. In other words, if we make it too expensive to use environmentally-unfriendly fuels, the demand for more ecologically sound energy sources will increase, and create more funding for research to produce those things. In order to "create the pain," he suggests adding a carbon-emissions tax on a scale that taxes the most carbon-producing fuel the highest (coal, oil, natural gas, etc.). This would be a good way for the government to avoid the "micromanagement" that's hobbled every good idea they've had in the past. In other words, create this tax, then step back and let the market do the rest. No more meddlin'. That just makes it messier.

And the tax wouldn't come without relief, either:

"Some economists propose that carbon tax revenues be used to finance equal cuts in income and payroll taxes. That way, we'd get environmental improvements and a lighter load on companies and workers. Meanwhile, the total tax burden on the economy would be unchanged."

While we're at it, how about more programs that plant more trees? Remember Arbor Day? It was sort of a big deal in the 70s, while its proponents were trying to get it off the ground. There was even a Peanuts special about it ("It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown"--sort of the forerunner of "It's the Economy, Stupid"). But then, after the initial wax, it sort of waned and became obscure, like the Susan B. Anthony dollar coin.

But trees and plants thrive on carbon dioxide, and while it doesn't solve our problems, it would be a good first step. (Trees also provide shade, for which we'll be grateful when the ever-hotter summers arrive.)

Besides, look at all the trees that we've razed to make room for ugly, characterless housing developments, like the hideous institutional-looking townhomes that litter the sides of I-55 and I-80 in the Southwest suburbs (and other places, too, no doubt--they just seem to proliferate more along interstates--like anybody'd want to live with all that traffic noise?!). Talk about throwing away silk purses for sows' ears.

It would be nice to give something back. It would be a start, anyway.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The All-Purpose Apology Form

I found this while browsing at Alexandra Billings's blog. This could come in very handy for the next celebrity/politician/comedian who comes down with foot-in-mouth disease.

The All-Purpose Apology Form

(Courtesy of Jami at Not That Different.)

The Job That Nobody Wanted

It looks like President Bush is having trouble filling the post of "war czar"--the advisor on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Maybe he should drop the word "czar"--it conjures up images of murdered Russian nobles or drug dealers. It might also help if the applicants didn't know beforehand whom they'd be working for...

Just a thought.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Awwww...He Tho Thowwy!

(Photo courtesy of Borden Dairy Products--er, I mean CBS Radio. I think.)

Don Imus is sorry for his remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team. (Those would be the remarks he made late last week, in which he referred to them as "nappy headed ho's.")

What a shitstorm he hath wrought upon himself! Al Sharpton says he should be fired. A whole bunch of other people say he ought to be fired.

The end result: he will not be fired. Of course he won't. History shows us that notoriety just brings in audience and profits. There is no moral threshold in the media anymore, no line that will not be crossed under the auspices of "provoking controversy and, thus, discussion" (yeah, that's it). Isaiah Washington is still stinking up "Grey's Anatomy" after pulling a similar stunt (twice).

CBS Radio called Imus's remarks "inappropriate," NBC called them "deplorable," and he said this morning in an on-air apology that what people need to realize is that "I'm a good person...who happened to say a bad thing."

Oh, I see--you just happened to say it? That means you weren't in charge of your own words! You were a victim of sinister mind control! You poor frizzy-headed-looking-more-like-Phil-Spector-every-day pile of unwashed clothes! Who did this to you? Zardoz? Rupert Murdoch? Don't you worry! We'll get 'em for throwing you into this! We'll get 'em good!

Don't try to kid us, I-man. You're an opportunist who says these things all the time in order to create controversy. Fair enough. That's your job, and you do it well. But don't pretend that you were a poor little lamb lost in the woods who just happened to set one wooly foot astray onto the path of political incorrectness. You're a little long in the tooth to play that ingenue.

And really, spare us the false sincerity of your apologies. A person who just "happens" to say a bad thing will regret it immediately and not repeat it over and over for shock value, as you no doubt will. You will not "learn" from this because it was not an accident. It was very carefully calculated and deliberate.

And certainly more sincere than the apology.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Something Completely Un-Religious, but Not Quite Blasphemous for Easter...

This Easter for me followed one holy hell of a Holy Saturday, so instead of church, I've opted for something spiritually uplifting.

And since I couldn't find that, I'm posting this fun video of Debbie Harry singing "Call Me" on the Muppet Show in 1980.


Friday, April 06, 2007

Thank God It's (Good) Friday

And despite the un-Easterlike weather, it feels like a peaceful weekend is in the making, starting with a shorter day at work, and a few bosses who are out of the office (which means I can get some work done without people asking questions or being all OCD every 10 minutes as usual).

Tonight is also the 2-year anniversary of the Flesh Hungry Dog show. Two years ago, when FHD was still a band, we began playing a monthly showcase at Jackhammer in Rogers Park. Eventually, all us FHD-ers went our separate ways (different bands, working in theatre, etc.), but the monthly show is going strong. Besides being a special night tonight (it being the second anniversary and all), there are some kick-ass bands playing, like the Kimi Hayes Band and the Jen Porter Band. Also, a few of us FHD old-timers are putting down our glasses of Geritol and prune juice and getting together to play a few of our old songs to mark the occasion. Show starts at 9:30, so if you get a chance, stop by and catch some tunes. At Jackhammer, of course.


Confidential to Mr. 49th Ward Alderman:

Yes, I know the run-off election is coming up. I know what date it is, too. So you can stop stop calling me, stop sending me letters in the mail and stop accosting me at the Morse Ave L stop. I GET IT. REALLY. STOP NOW!! I MEAN IT!!! SHUT UP, AWREADY! If you think your harrassment is going to endear you to me when it's time to cast my vote between two equally unpalatable candidates, well, the clue train is on its way down your track right now. *WOO WOO! HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO!*

And not just you, but your army of drudges, too. Yes, this means YOU, Cindy B.; I saw your name flash on my caller ID last night, which is why I did not pick up. I'd already received your letter, in which you express your excitement about our incumbent and how you'd do everything but lick whipped cream off of him. So I figure there was nothing else left for you to tell me, since I don't know you personally. Plus, you called at 9:00 PM, which might be the hip, acceptable urban thing, but I dislike talking to relative strangers on the phone at that hour unless I have to call the Poison Control Center or something. So don't call me again unless you want a gift of used kitty litter at your front door (and I know your address since you so thoughtfully put it on the letter you sent). This is not an idle threat--don't f*ck with me, lady.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Intelligence and Security

No, this isn't the title of a new musical about the two things we're most lacking in this country now. (But what an idea! I should get to work on that script right away.)

This is the gist of a lecture I just attended by the Mission Manager for Counterintelligence, Office of the Director of Intelligence (I'd hate to have to fit all THAT onto a business card), who gave a very timely talk about the role of counterintelligence in U.S. security operations.

He explained the difference between national intelligence and national security with the following analogy: suppose you find a hole in your fence. Security's job is to fix the hole, whereas the job of intelligence is to find out who made the hole, how they made it, and what they took away with them afterwards. (Frankly, a much harder job, I'd say.)

He spoke about a lot of things that are very worrisome for those in the intelligence structure with regard to containing leaks and preventing sensitive data from being sent to other entities (countries, governments, spy networks, etc.), and while he couldn't go into elaborate detail about his job (for obvious reasons), he did talk about how important this function is and why we should all be concerned with it.

Then came the question and answer session. I won't bore anyone with the questions that were asked, but I will just say that lots of these old, rich, white men have WAY too much time (and paranoia) on their hands to come up with cockamamie ideas and conspiracy theories, and should probably do a little volunteer work. At their age, it should tire them out nicely.

My favorite quote from the entire presentation came from when Brenner described the culture in Washington, DC. He said that often when things don't function properly, it's impossible to determine responsibility and fix things because "the bureaucracy surrounds us like a bacillus." I've heard that said by different people many times, but never in quite that way. I liked it!

I think the analogy of a disease-causing organism usefully explains a lot of our problems right now.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

British Soldiers to Be Freed!

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is releasing the 15 British sailors that were taken into custody March 23 when they "trespassed" into Iranian waters.

Ahmadinejad (frighteningly, I'm learning to both spell AND pronounce that name) says he's releasing the Britons as an "Easter gift" to Britain. I remember the first Easter gift I ever got. It was a stuffed ducky. It was yellow. Then I got to go outside and look for eggs. I finally found some at Kroger.

So, this blasts my theory about U.S. paying renegade Iranians to kidnap the sailors and thence draw Britain into the upcoming skirmish. What was I thinking? Oh well, at least I never bet on it. Oh, I did? Well I'm not paying! So there.

So to recap: the President of Iran is releasing some prisoners after less than two weeks after claiming a legitimate reason for detaining them. And we still have prisoners at Guantanamo who have been there for five years with no trial and no reason given for their detention. Their detention by the U.S., that is. That's right, the U.S. The land where every prisoner is entitled to due process.

Doesn't it creep you out when the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the magnanimous one?

Anti-Lesbian Lesbian Resigns from Coaching Position

Hard on the (round) heels of Tim Hardaway's declaration that he hates gay people (and thus breaking millions of gay hearts in the process--millions, I tell you), Penn State women's basketball coach Rene Portland has resigned after 27 years. Portland was famous (in PA, I suppose) for having a "no-lesbian" policy on Penn State's team. Her particular coil of shit hit the fan two years ago when a player sued her for kicking her off the team when she perceived her to be a lesbian. She also told her to try to change her appearance to be more "feminine."

Um, hello, Mrs. Kettle? This is Mrs. Pot! After seeing this woman, I can only guess that she adopted the "no lesbians" policy to avoid temptation. I mean, look at her. Brigitte Nielsen is more feminine, for Christ's sakes. She looks kind of like Mary Williams from "Young and the Restless" on a heavy dose of testosterone. I only wonder what kind of shaving cream she uses.

And I'm sorry, but a no-lesbian policy on a girls' basketball team?? What was she thinking? If it was such a problem for her, this might have been the one and only case where a "don't ask, don't tell" policy might have worked.

The good news is that she's now free to join Andrew Schlafly as co-editor of Conservapedia. Let's hope the bitch can spell. (On second thought, considering the target audience, that probably won't matter.)

Monday, April 02, 2007

Say You Want A Revolution?

I wouldn't mind one right about now.

This column by Steve Chapman in today's Trib puts into words what I've been trying to express for years (6, to be exact): the Presidency and other high offices are positions of public trust, and as such, subject to OUR approval--not the other way around. Unfortunately, the Prezzie and his cronies have all but forgotten this--or else they pay patronizing lip service to it by forcing Tony Snow to give press briefings on Why Whatever We Did to Piss You Off Today Is Good For You And You're Unpatriotic If You Disagree.

To be fair, I'm not really wild about Snow (although I'm sorry to hear his cancer has returned--I know how that news sounds to a family), but I would rather watch him than that snot-nosed Ari Fleischer, who looked for all the world on 9/11 like the "Mr. Mouth" game from the 1970s--a plastic head with a mouth on a hinge that would open and shut while it slowly spun around and you attempted to catapult colored plastic chips into it. Ari had the most annoying proprietary smirk there was and everytime he opened his gob, I hoped a bee would fly in--or that somebody would throw some dried dung (they had to wade through enough of it to get there).

We should have seen Bush's intentions signposted a mile away when, back in 2001 (even before 9/11), his spokespeople began talking about firming up the office of the Presidency and "reclaiming the executive power that has eroded for over 40 years." Which was a nice way of saying, "Meet your new king. Stupid-looking, isn't he?"

If the misbehaviors of previous Presidents (which led to the "erosion" of executive powers) weren't enough to teach us, we certainly must have learned after watching this Caligula of a President embarrass us in front of the entire world.

Sunday In The Park

(Forest Park, that is.)

Yesterday, I went to Circle Theatre to see friend and fellow Hell in a Handbag ensemble member Brigitte Ditmars in Circle's production of "Mack and Mabel," the (highly re-written) story of Mack Sennett and Mabel Normand. The production numbers were really well done, the costumes were great, and I can't say enough good things about Brigitte's dancing.

As an "aside" note, the theatre has posted some clippings from various local publications praising the show, including one from Hedy Weiss of the Sun-Times saying, "who would have thought a store-front theatre could pull it off?" Which I thought was very condescending and short-sighted, but that's mainstream media for you: the backhand that giveth also taketh away.

We continue to get ready for Hell In A Handbag's fundraiser, A Handbag Happening, on April 24 at The Spot (4437 N. Broadway, just north of Montrose).

We'll have an open bar from 7:00-9:00PM and open buffett from 7:00-10:00 PM. There will be a silent auction and prizes, too. Plus, we'll be unveiling The Joans, a punk band tribute to everyone's favorite silver siren (and the other "J.C."), Joan Crawford. This has been in the works for some time, so you won't want to miss it. Get your tickets now!


In other news, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police is now going to retire early amid the scandals rocking the department. For those of you not local or familiar with the matter, in February an off-duty 6'2", 220 lb.tactical officer lost control of himself and beat up a 5'4" inch 120 lb. female bartender after she refused to serve him anymore. I won't post the video of the event here, because it's posted everywhere, and frankly, I can't stand to look at it.

Mayor Daley declined to say whether or not he asked Phil Cline to retire early, saying only what he usually says at press conferences:

"Heh? Himzamob? Whazzat? What scandal? I don't know 'bout no scandal? Hey look(*chuckles and points*), look, this guy's bald! Heh heh!"

Suffice it to say that this comes at a bad time for his Olympic bid. But I'm sure it'll all be forgotten in no time at all. Just like all the other shit he's been pulling. Because after all, like the campaign slogans say (let's all recite them together now), "Chicago Works." "Daley Gets Things Done." "Daley Will Break Your Fucking Knees If You Disagree With Him." (Oops, that was the Christmas card, not the slogan.)

Let's see if people are still content to spout campaign button phrases when CTA starts collapsing this week and it takes 2 1/2 hours to make a 30-minute journey. For the next three years.