Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Volunteer Bitch (or, I Don't Have Anything Else to Write About Today)

I've seen this little survey (I refuse to call it a "meme"--"meme," to me, is one of those new made-up words that some kid from the popular clique made up and forced everyone to use--I hope he's like all the other popular kids in high school and goes bald and sells insurance, cheats on his wife and she takes him to the cleaners. Where was I? Oh yeah, the meme) on several different blogs lately and although nobody's "tagged" me as their "bitch" (you couldn't sell ME for a pack of cigarettes--they're too expensive), I'll go ahead and answer them anyway...

1. When you were born, how much did you weigh?

About 7 1/2 pounds. Which is really weird, because I was about seven weeks overdue.

2. What's your sugar poison?

It's a seasonal thing--it changes with the time of year. For instance, right now, those Archway holiday sugar cookies, shaped like bells, trees and stars? Those are REAL good to me right about now. Also, any kind of cookie that has almond frosting. That's Christmas to me. Dee-liteful!

3. If you had to choose between meat and cheese for the rest of your life, which would you choose? Then be specific.

I can only have one? Not the other? I'll have to go with the meat. I can substitute the cheese with something else, but I can't live without at least some chicken once in a while.

4. What, is your opinion, is the worst song ever?

It's quite a toss-up. But I'm going to have to go with "Run Joey Run" by David Geddes. It was from the 70s--'nuff said. Close runner-up is "Billy Don't Be A Hero" by Bo Donaldson. Christ, I grew to hate that song when I was six. (The other one I grew to hate when I was seven. Because that's when it came out.)

5. Who was your favorite teacher growing up and why?

I had several that I really liked, in different phases of my life. In first grade, it was Mrs. Barrett--she was really tall and pretty and looked sort of like Lynda Carter (even though I didn't know who that was at the time, and that version of Wonder Woman wouldn't even be out for two more years). Then, in sixth grade it was Mrs. Lasco--she was short-tempered and a screamer, but she reminded me of Carole King and she played the guitar. And I just loved those "earth mother" types back then. In high school, it was Miss Barr--she was my English teacher and I always liked English best. Also Mr. Shaffer, because he was the band director, and I loved music.

6. What personal activity, when performed in public, bothers you the most?

Cell phone shouting--without a doubt. Everyone has answered this, but it's my pet-fucking-peeve. People always have those goddamned things glued to their ears, as if they CAN'T pass a single second without talking to their girlfriend, partner, BFF, whatever. How sick and co-dependent is that? Try living in the world around you--AROUND YOU (*Aaron makes circling motion in the air to demonstrate*). Oh, and by the way, if you stand still while you're talking and I'm walking behind you on the street, I WILL knock your ass down. Sorry. Got places to go, things to do. Even if you don't.

7. Ok, there's a $50 bill lying on the ground. You pick it up. Dumbfounded by your incredible luck, what do you selfishly purchase?

I run to Marshall's and buy two ties, a new button down long sleeve dress-shirt and some new underwear and socks (I'm a practical shopper, not a whimsical one, sadly. Yeah, my life is exciting).

8. Do you have a recurring nightmare? If so, explain.

I've had the whole "I'm falling" thing, but that's usually just before I drop off to sleep. My dreams tend to be strange ones where a certain problem I'm having disappears. I have a few hours of peace before I wake up and realize the problem's still there AND I'm nuts.

9. Name one place on Earth you've never been, but vow to visit at least once.


10. You notice that question #9 wasn't really a question. You feel smart for catching such a small detail. What else can you do really well that reminds you how smart you are?

Actually, I didn't catch that detail. In much the same way as the self-appointed "cool kids" get to make up words like "meme," they can also phrase questions without using the interrogative voice. They get to make up new rules. Reality TV told them so.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting blog, Aaron and great answers. If I may be so bold aka my finals are over and I have too much time on my hands.
1. I weighed 6 and a half pounds (my mother smoked at the time and now we know that causes low birth weight)
2. I don't care for sweets but drink a lot of Coke.
3.Cheese gives me gas I will pick meat, I eat a lot of meat: Beef, Chicken, Venison and Buffalo my sister raises Buffalo (it is better than beef not as much fat)
4.The worst song ever? That is tough there are so many to pick from. I'll have to say "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" by the Archies.
5.My favorite teacher was Mrs. Winnie Clevenger in the 6th grade. She read poetry to us and now I love poetry.
6.Yes, I too must go with the cell phone. I'll be in Wal-Mart and hear a voice behind me say loud and clear, "Hey, how are you?" I turn around with a smile to see just who my friend is only to meet a person on the phone glaring at me for being so stupid as to think they'd be talking to the likes of me.
7.I'd go to Dollar General and buy flannel shirts and insulated underwear. It is cold around here.
8. Oh yes, for many years I have had a recurring dream of me being on a passenger plane that is crashing and everyone is screaming and praying. That is why I will never fly on a plane.
9.Disney World
10.I can say the alphabet backwards but that may be because of my Dyslexia. Ed

12:35 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Great answers yourself! Actually, The Ohio Express sang "Yummy Yummy Yummy," but it SOUNDED just like the Archies and it, too, was a studio project instead of a real "band." And even "Sugar Sugar" wasn't as disgusting as "Yummy Yummy Yummy" (we had to play that in pep band when I was in high school--ech!).

I used to drink lots of Coke, but once I did the diet thing in high school, I could never drink it as much because it seemed TOO sweet to me. I still like it once in a while, though...

2:09 PM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

Oh, I know you did-ENT just go dissing Mr. Bo Donaldson's "Billy Don't Be A Hero." Between that song and "Seasons in the Sun," I would sit by the record player for hours.

I was always a morbid kid.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Thanks for reminding me! I forgot to mention Mr. Terry-spouse-beater-Jacks' lovely Brel interpretation. When I was 11, one of the older neighborhood kids taught us some alternate lyrics:

"We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
And we chewed on your dick
And we bit you on the butt"

For some reason, when I heard the real song, I could only remember those lyrics. Somehow, I think the nuns would not have been impressed on Show Your Talent Day. (I DID think the tremolo guitar was sort of neat...but a little dated, even by the time it came out.)

4:49 PM  
Blogger Zachary said...

Seven weeks overdue? For serious?

12:20 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Seven weeks. For rizzles. Mom's obstetrician was MOLTO shitty. She even ASKED him to induce labor and he wouldn't. Finally, my grandmother went with her on her next visit. She had a "private word" with the doctor, and mom went to the hospital that night. I arrived the next evening.

5:54 PM  

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