Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Early Thanksgiving

Since I've been remiss in the thankfulness department, I'm going to redress this error in today's post. So here's a short list of the people and things I'm thankful for today, August 8, 2006:

* To the CTA driver on the #147 bus last night: thanks SO much for continually slamming on the brakes unnecessarily during the entire drive down Michigan Avenue, then Lake Shore Drive. I'll be sure and name my new knee after you once it arrives.

* To my next-door neighbor in Unit N-1: thanks a mil for the really loud music--I never get tired of hearing Nirvana played at top volume as your testosterone swells and you assert your alpha male status. Be sure to thank your girlfriend for leaving her cheap pink shoes in the middle of the hallway for everyone to trip over. I promise to name my new hip after her once it arrives. Is it "Erma" with an "E" or "Irma" with an "I?" Oh, and thanks also for having loud sex in the middle of Sunday afternoon, so the entire corridor can lose their appetite (can't you play some Nirvana, for Christ's sakes?).

* To the folks at work: thanks for singing and humming to yourselves while I'm trying to get some work done. It's comforting to know that this whole "employment" thing doesn't cramp the never-ending college party that you've obviously determined to cling to eternally. We'd hate to be TOO professional, now wouldn't we? Oh, and please quote lines from "Office Space" MORE often. I just CAN'T get enough! There's nothing that screams "au courant" like dialogue from an eight-year-old movie which was marginally amusing when new, and now--well, isn't new. Thanks, too, for the artificially loud laughter while I'm trying to talk on the phone. Remind me to eat chili for lunch and come stand next to your desk as a special "backatcha."

* And finally, to the folks in the Bush Adminstration: thanks, as always, for your sterling stewardship of this great nation and its resources. Thanks for showing that pesky rest-of-the-world who's boss and not backing down and "compromising your principles." Speaking of principles, thanks for being so steadfast in your "Christianity," born-again though it may be. It's important to get right with the Lord, now that you're moving all of us so much closer to him. And thanks for allowing me to learn how to get by as best I can with less money as you stuff your hands in my pockets. What? You're not going to fondle my pecker, too? Gee, what a gyp. Seems the least you could do. But I suppose you have to dash off on your race to "get yours." And I hope you do--real soon.

That's all for now. I'll be sure to post more as the need arises, or as my gratitude becomes uncomfortably engorged and tingly.


Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

And just when I thought no one could be as bitter as me...

12:53 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I'm going through one of those "spells" right now...I should be much better when Fall gets here.

1:04 PM  

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