Monday, February 26, 2007

And I Am Telling You...

(I'd love to give photo credit, but I couldn't find a name on this one. It's from AP.)

Well, come on--you KNEW somebody was going to post this title. It's not very imaginative, so who better than me?

I would just like to say HUZZAH! for our hometown girl, Jennifer Hudson, who walked away with a statue last night for Best Supporting Actress. I've heard a few cracks this morning from people who mentioned the precarious containment of her bosoms inside her dress and all I can say is, Aretha does this all the time--even more egregiously--and nobody says a fucking word. And Jennifer was dressed much more tastefully than that. And the red dress she had on when she and Beyonce were singing "Listen?" Gawjus!

Helen Mirren! The classiest dame in the entire world...I couldn't be happier that she took best actress. I would have been equally happy if it had been Meryl Streep, because I love her, too. It was a tough category.

In the end, the only thing that disappointed me, really, was that "Little Miss Sunshine" didn't win Best Picture. I'm really glad for Martin Scorsese, because he's awesome, but I hate those thuggy, gritty cop movies. And he'd just won for Best Director, which was the real achievement for him personally, anyway. I've not seen "Little Miss Sunshine" all the way through, but what I have seen just makes me like it more and more...Steve Carrell is always amazing, Greg Kinnear is just delicious (I could eat him with a sling--I mean, spoon!) and Toni Collette is a great actress. I've always loved Alan Arkin and that little girl (Abigail Breslin) is just adorable.

Some things I did not enjoy so much were the endless montages: "Let's take a look at America through the lens of the movies of the last 50 years." Let's not. Ennio Morricone's film scores--yeah, we get it: lots of movies. No need to spend 2 minutes on each one. We'd like to get to work tomorrow.

The dancers were quirky and the arrangements clever. The speeches were mostly pretty short (except for Morricone's, which Clint Eastwood had to translate) and sincere. I enjoyed Ellen DeGeneres. I don't care what anyone says, there's no reason she should have to outdo or live up to any previous host. She did what she does best, poke quirky fun at herself and the event and get the crowd on her side, and that's what they paid her to do.

I did NOT enjoy Celine Dion's endless musical number. Why is it, whenever there's a painfully long, drawn-out ballad to be sung, she's always the one to painfully draw it out? Why? Couldn't they just shove hungry mosquitoes in our ears? Even that's less annoying.

Jerry Seinfeld...just stay home. In general. You're not doing anything important anymore, anyway. Actually, you weren't with your show, either, but that at least made money. I don't know what your function is now.

Jack Nicholson--the mugging isn't cute. And lose those goddamn glasses. You look like the hearse driver in "Burnt Offerings."

As far as clothes:

I loved Cameron Diaz's dress! Too bad that hair goes with it...

Diane Keaton actually looked beautiful in her outfit. It was a relief not to see her trying for that "Sonny Bono circa 1965" look she had going last year.

Nicole Kidman's dress almost worked, but what was with that bow? It looked like she had a parrot perched up there that slipped out of its harness.

See? I can be almost as big a twat as Mr. Blackwell!

And I'm ashamed of myself, so I'll go and self-flagellate now like the good (ex)Catholic I am.


Blogger Ed said...

I agree with most of your ideas and opinions except I love Jerry Seinfeld. I'm still suffering from Seinfeld withdrawals.
Self-Flagellate Is that what I think it is? If so we all do it all the time (except for Dirk) LOL.

12:06 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Actually, the nuns mostly practiced self-flagellation...if it was what you thought it was, they'd have much hairier hands!

10:46 PM  
Blogger David said...

I think next year I'll watch a Tivo'd version of the Oscars.

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Ed said...

Oh My! The Dictionary says it is Whipping oneself for religous or sexual reasons. I can see the sexual reasons. Where the hell can they find religous whipping in the Bible? So I guess the Nuns are doing it for Sexual reasons? LOL.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

TiVoing is a grand idea! If I had digital cable, I'd probably do it myself.

And since only nuns could conceive of black patent leather shoes giving the boys sinful thoughts, it's reasonable to assume they have sex on the brain. They certainly had dirtier minds than we did (then)...

10:01 PM  
Anonymous Ed said...

The seven dwarves went up to a convent and asked the sister, "are there any Nuns here that are three feet tall?" The Nun said, "NO" then they asked her, "are there any Nuns in this state three feet tall?" She again sid , "NO" Then they asked her, "are there any Nuns in the entire country that are only three feet tall?" She said, "NO, there aren't any Nuns in the world only three feet tall!" Sneezy and Doc started jumping up and down and saying, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"

8:33 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I am frosty with disapproval...:-)

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Ed said...

I'm virtually holding out my hands for your whack with a Ruler. ;)

11:23 AM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

Aaron, your Oscar night recap slash bitchery has me hungry for more.

Did you by any chance catch a glimpse of the ever morphing Joan Rivers?

11:28 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

No, happily my friend Dell and I watched ABC's coverage which didn't include the waxen Ms. Rivers. Just some really annoying pre-show with a bunch of chirpy, dopey anchors.

But I saw the pictures, and Joan looks as frighteningly porcelain and her daughter Melissa as Steven Tyler-like as ever...

2:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home