Friday, November 02, 2007

Can't We All Just Get Along??

From conversations I've had with my aunt, it looks like Mom's starting to decline and won't get any better. She's not strong enough to have any more chemo, and she seems like she's gotten used to the idea of staying in the nursing home (although she's not said as much). We don't talk to her directly about that (and we've instructed everyone else not to bring it up, either), we just try to keep her as cheerful as possible. As my aunt said this morning, "she has good days and not-good days, and the not-good days are going to start coming closer together."

The worst part of all of it is the friction that it seems to have caused among some of her work friends. My aunt and uncle imposed a 2-visitor-at-a-time, 30-minute time limit on visits from her workplace friends, because she was so exhausted Sunday after they'd been there all day. One of her friends, Pat, sent a companywide e-mail to the place Mom works on Tuesday, letting them know about the visitation limit and that her condition is terminal. She BCC'd me on the e-mail also, so I could see it. Then today, she BCC'd me on another e-mail she'd sent to one of the other girls, Carolyn, who she felt had been less than honest after she'd (apparently) overstayed a visit time (I'm not sure exactly what it was--it was between the two of them, so they must know). Pat felt that Carolyn led my uncle to believe that Pat was subverting the nursing staff and deliberately disobeying the time constraint, which she hadn't. She told Carolyn that she had jeopardized Pat's relationship with my aunt and uncle and her visits with my mom and "for that, I cannot forgive you...from now on, please keep all questions work-related." She also said she's not going to visit Mom anymore, to avoid problems.

Wow--these gals have been friends since before I even worked there (and I started in 1993, leaving in 1997). And now the relationship is falling apart because of Mom's illness.

Mom would be appalled.

So of course I'm not going to tell her! I'm going down to see her tomorrow (there's also a Bradley University reunion thing) and spend some's strange, because I always wondered how I'd handle it when this time came. I figured I would fall apart (and who knows? I may yet), but with all the up and down/hope, then no hope we've had, I'm a little relieved just to have an answer. I can deal with the rest of it later.

I just wish we could all be friends, for God's sakes!


Anonymous Sarah said...

So sorry to read of your unhappy news. I can't imagine there is any right way to deal with it. It's one of those things where you take a big breath, let it out, open the door and do your best.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Stephen Rader said...

I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom's health is in decline. If you need anything at all, please call me at any time. Much love to you and your family.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Sarah: Thanks for the kind thoughts...and you're right, this is exactly how I'm dealing with it! There really isn't any other choice...which also brings a certain peace of mind, in a way...

Stephen: Thank you too. I appreciate it!

4:12 PM  
Blogger Steven said...

I echo your sentiments Aaron and I am sorry to hear of your mother's declining condition. It's at a time like this that friends should pull together and act in the best interests of your mother.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Catty Bitch said...


Know that I'm thinking about you. Whatever pull I have with The Gaya is yours.

2:45 PM  
Blogger David said...

I hate this stuff. Your mom's so cool.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Thanks, Catty and David. The support means a lot! (The world, actually--I don't think anyone can realize that until they feel it when they need it.)

3:59 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

And Steven, thank you too! (Sorry I didn't type your name in earlier--but I was thinking it!)

4:28 PM  

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