Aaron's Unwanted Advice-February 6, 2009 Edition
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend I see a few times a month insists on telling me that I look "tired" whenever she sees me.
It may be that I am tired on occasion, but even so, the comment irritates me. I'm in good health, and she has no reason to be concerned for my well-being. I realize this isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, but can you suggest a response for me the next time she tells me how tired I look?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
“Maybe I’m just tired of you.”
DEAR MARGO: I had a seven-year affair with a former co-worker. It ended a year ago. Some weeks ago his wife discovered our extramarital activities via an anonymous letter (not sent by me). Our children go to school together, and his wife approached my 9-year-old daughter and shared her newfound revelations with her. As a result, I have taken her to court and filed a restraining order against her.
Here’s my dilemma: I want to make her fully aware of the depth of my involvement with her husband. He apparently has portrayed me as a stalker and told her the affair was a figment of my imagination. I have plenty of e-mail correspondence to prove otherwise. Basically, he is trying to save his marriage because without her he would be homeless. However, I am not sure whether I should pursue this matter or just let it go.
—CAUGHT UP
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
OK, well, boo on you for having an affair, first of all. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. But his wife sounds demented. I can understand telling you off, because you were kind of a skank. But to approach your daughter, who was an innocent in this? WAY out of line.
It’s good that you filed a restraining order, because that should be your official “last word” on the subject. I would have no further contact with this whack-ass about her husband’s initiation of the affair, because she’s not likely to believe you, and it will only make things worse. And if she chooses to believe his portrayal of you as the “stalker,” then she’s wilfully ignorant, and she'll look even more foolish when he strays again, won’t she? (And you KNOW he’ll do it again, unless she cuts his pecker off.)
However, if she violates the order by approaching your daughter again, you should approach her daughter at school and tell her that her father is lousy in the sack.
Do not be surprised when she tells you she already knows this.
DEAR ELLIE: I'm a mid-40s female with a problem mother-in-law; she has a weird habit of coming up behind me in my tiny galley kitchen and pinching my sides, patting my rear end or groping me in some other way.
My husband tells me to tell her to stop if it bothers me, but I'm not sure she consciously realizes what she's doing and how strange and inappropriate this is. I guess she thinks she's being affectionate, but frankly, I mostly feel molested.
I was molested as a child, and she knows that. Whenever she does this, I get really upset and have a panic attack. She knows I don't like it!
I've been sorely tempted to reach around and stab her with a kitchen knife. I feel sick and angry. She only visits a few times a year, but one of these times, I'm going to flip out.
-CREEPED OUT
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Geez, what is this, crazy bitch day?! You don’t define what “groping you in some other way” is, but after the pinching and patting, I shudder to imagine where else she sticks her paws.
Your husband is making excuses, and feeble ones at that. There are many ways of “showing affection” besides patting your ass. (What happened to an arm around the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek?) If she knows you don’t like it and continues to do it anyway, then she’s certainly doing it consciously, and has accepted the consequences. So the next time it happens, pour a little boiling hot water on her crummy, roving mitts.
She’ll think twice before the next time she grabs your moneymaker.
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.
If keeping her hair long is such a burden for "Short and Trendy," I would suggest a better alternative might be to explain to her husband how much time it takes to care for long hair (and three kids), and see if he would be willing to take on more chores so she will have time to care for longer tresses.
-BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Normally, I disagree with Abby, too (“How many clichés can we cram in one column? Let’s find out!”), but this time she was right, telling the woman that it’s her hair and she can do what she wants with it. This isn’t feudal England, where women were considered chattel—they have individual rights here and self-determination. If hubby is so hung up on long hair, he can buy a wig and roll around naked on it. (You’re welcome for the visual.)
And what the hell is it with you people who have to ask your spouse before you do everything? Don’t you have minds of your own?! Must you check in with Mommy (or Daddy) all the time? If your wife wants short hair, it’s hers, and she can cut it if she wants. Likewise, if you wanna grow a beard, go for it. Who’s she to tell you “No way?” Does she hold the keys to your scrotum? Tell her that soon enough, she’ll have her own facial hair and you two will match. And won’t that be cute? Especially after she cuts her upper hair short.
DEAR AMY: Is it possible for a single woman and a married man to be "just friends?"
I work with a woman who has two young children and was recently widowed. Since then she has developed a friendship with another co-worker, a man who is older than she. He is married.
She says they are just friends, and I know they sometimes have lunch or coffee together, but they were also seen once outside of work together.
I am very uncomfortable with this information because I also know this man's wife, and I don't think she is aware of their relationship, which seems very close to cheating. This is really bothering me.
Should I express my disapproval to her or to him? Should I say something to his wife? Or should I stay out of it and hope that they really are just friends?
–STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Glad you asked. Yes, it is possible for a single woman and married man (or vice versa) to be just friends. I’m betting that don’t have very many, so I’ll excuse the first question. As for your other questions, no you should not tell his wife, nor should you “express your disapproval.” Nobody asked for your input, so you have no standing to express any opinion whatever. You’re not “stuck in the middle” at all. The only thing that might be “stuck” is your nose—but that’s what you get for shoving it where it doesn’t belong.
You didn’t say what they were seen doing “once outside of work together,” but unless they choose to share, it’s really none of your damned beeswax. The fact you’re bothered by this indicates that you have a nasty mind and you need a more wholesome hobby.
Put away the binoculars, granny, and try some needlepoint.
It may be that I am tired on occasion, but even so, the comment irritates me. I'm in good health, and she has no reason to be concerned for my well-being. I realize this isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, but can you suggest a response for me the next time she tells me how tired I look?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
“Maybe I’m just tired of you.”
DEAR MARGO: I had a seven-year affair with a former co-worker. It ended a year ago. Some weeks ago his wife discovered our extramarital activities via an anonymous letter (not sent by me). Our children go to school together, and his wife approached my 9-year-old daughter and shared her newfound revelations with her. As a result, I have taken her to court and filed a restraining order against her.
Here’s my dilemma: I want to make her fully aware of the depth of my involvement with her husband. He apparently has portrayed me as a stalker and told her the affair was a figment of my imagination. I have plenty of e-mail correspondence to prove otherwise. Basically, he is trying to save his marriage because without her he would be homeless. However, I am not sure whether I should pursue this matter or just let it go.
—CAUGHT UP
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
OK, well, boo on you for having an affair, first of all. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. But his wife sounds demented. I can understand telling you off, because you were kind of a skank. But to approach your daughter, who was an innocent in this? WAY out of line.
It’s good that you filed a restraining order, because that should be your official “last word” on the subject. I would have no further contact with this whack-ass about her husband’s initiation of the affair, because she’s not likely to believe you, and it will only make things worse. And if she chooses to believe his portrayal of you as the “stalker,” then she’s wilfully ignorant, and she'll look even more foolish when he strays again, won’t she? (And you KNOW he’ll do it again, unless she cuts his pecker off.)
However, if she violates the order by approaching your daughter again, you should approach her daughter at school and tell her that her father is lousy in the sack.
Do not be surprised when she tells you she already knows this.
DEAR ELLIE: I'm a mid-40s female with a problem mother-in-law; she has a weird habit of coming up behind me in my tiny galley kitchen and pinching my sides, patting my rear end or groping me in some other way.
My husband tells me to tell her to stop if it bothers me, but I'm not sure she consciously realizes what she's doing and how strange and inappropriate this is. I guess she thinks she's being affectionate, but frankly, I mostly feel molested.
I was molested as a child, and she knows that. Whenever she does this, I get really upset and have a panic attack. She knows I don't like it!
I've been sorely tempted to reach around and stab her with a kitchen knife. I feel sick and angry. She only visits a few times a year, but one of these times, I'm going to flip out.
-CREEPED OUT
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Geez, what is this, crazy bitch day?! You don’t define what “groping you in some other way” is, but after the pinching and patting, I shudder to imagine where else she sticks her paws.
Your husband is making excuses, and feeble ones at that. There are many ways of “showing affection” besides patting your ass. (What happened to an arm around the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek?) If she knows you don’t like it and continues to do it anyway, then she’s certainly doing it consciously, and has accepted the consequences. So the next time it happens, pour a little boiling hot water on her crummy, roving mitts.
She’ll think twice before the next time she grabs your moneymaker.
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.
If keeping her hair long is such a burden for "Short and Trendy," I would suggest a better alternative might be to explain to her husband how much time it takes to care for long hair (and three kids), and see if he would be willing to take on more chores so she will have time to care for longer tresses.
-BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Normally, I disagree with Abby, too (“How many clichés can we cram in one column? Let’s find out!”), but this time she was right, telling the woman that it’s her hair and she can do what she wants with it. This isn’t feudal England, where women were considered chattel—they have individual rights here and self-determination. If hubby is so hung up on long hair, he can buy a wig and roll around naked on it. (You’re welcome for the visual.)
And what the hell is it with you people who have to ask your spouse before you do everything? Don’t you have minds of your own?! Must you check in with Mommy (or Daddy) all the time? If your wife wants short hair, it’s hers, and she can cut it if she wants. Likewise, if you wanna grow a beard, go for it. Who’s she to tell you “No way?” Does she hold the keys to your scrotum? Tell her that soon enough, she’ll have her own facial hair and you two will match. And won’t that be cute? Especially after she cuts her upper hair short.
DEAR AMY: Is it possible for a single woman and a married man to be "just friends?"
I work with a woman who has two young children and was recently widowed. Since then she has developed a friendship with another co-worker, a man who is older than she. He is married.
She says they are just friends, and I know they sometimes have lunch or coffee together, but they were also seen once outside of work together.
I am very uncomfortable with this information because I also know this man's wife, and I don't think she is aware of their relationship, which seems very close to cheating. This is really bothering me.
Should I express my disapproval to her or to him? Should I say something to his wife? Or should I stay out of it and hope that they really are just friends?
–STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Glad you asked. Yes, it is possible for a single woman and married man (or vice versa) to be just friends. I’m betting that don’t have very many, so I’ll excuse the first question. As for your other questions, no you should not tell his wife, nor should you “express your disapproval.” Nobody asked for your input, so you have no standing to express any opinion whatever. You’re not “stuck in the middle” at all. The only thing that might be “stuck” is your nose—but that’s what you get for shoving it where it doesn’t belong.
You didn’t say what they were seen doing “once outside of work together,” but unless they choose to share, it’s really none of your damned beeswax. The fact you’re bothered by this indicates that you have a nasty mind and you need a more wholesome hobby.
Put away the binoculars, granny, and try some needlepoint.
posted by Aaron at 8:05 AM
3 Comments:
Dear Miss Manners you look tired. Really? well you look retarred. (think goodness for midwestern slang)
Dear Margo: A seven year affair? Maybe after the first two years you'd come to your senses and realize he ain't never leaving his stable cum dump.
Dear Ellie: Nobody continually gets groped unless they want too. Step on her toes with your high heels every time and she'll stay away.
Dear Abby: I'm afraid many women do hold a guys balls in their grubby money hungry hands. These men always get the last word, "yes Dear."
Dear Amy: I like to think as you do, that a man and woman can be friends and nothing more. In the real world though I'm afraid the guy wants to play hide the salami becaue he's well a guy! You're very right though it is nobody's business outside the immediate family. Office gossip can't be denied. Next week it will be someone else. ed
Aaron, you always know what to say.
Maybe someday I'll say it! :-)
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