Friday, February 22, 2008

I Hate To Say "I Told You So," But...

Begorah! What a brouhaha is after a-stirrin' over Irish singer Carly Smithson, who managed to stay on "American Idol" after "America" (i.e., the slack-jawed, bottom-feeding public) voted to keep her on while giving the heave-ho to several others.

Apparently, there's a wee bit o' controversy over the bonny Miss Smithson, since she once recorded an (apparently shitty) album several years back.

Excuse me, but aren't the contestants supposed to be AMATEURS? *HYELL-oooo!*

But, in true "the company's always right/we insist that you be distracted from our doings" spirit, Paula Abdul proves that she's both crazy AND drunk with the following quote:

"If they hadn't already tried to make a name for themselves, then they don't deserve to be in (the) competition."

Paula, Paula, PAULa--let me lay it out on the line for you, just in case you're seeing more than one in your intoxicated state: You're crazy as a goddamned bedbug, you've appeared on television glassy-eyed and incoherent, and you've recently appeared in publicity stills with your hand inside Simon Cowbell's shirt (*gag*). To sum it all up, you're not exactly a bastion of credibility these days.

This is one of the many reasons I'm so glad I never have to watch this shitty show. I just wish I didn't have to hear about it either. I know, I know, everybody slobbers mindlessly over it like Pavlov's dog, but I have a right not to (it's true! Look it up) and frankly, I never understood its appeal to people who actually HAVE talent, like the friends of mine who stay glued to this pile of shit. What's the attraction? Do they somehow imagine themselves being judged and castigated by Simon? Consoled by Paula afterwards? Is there some perverse sexual thrill to it?

Please, I'm serious...someone explain this shit to me.

Is it the "democratic" angle? "America Votes??" That'll be a first. Shouldn't they be saving some of that for the polls? (Oops, I forgot--they were too busy following "American Idol" contestants to become informed about the people vying to run our country. Oh well--an understandable lapse, really...)

To those who would argue that I'm just "bitter," I will counter that if I am, it has less to do with "American Idol" than other of life's circumstances. I think I'm more baffled than anything else, and am just grateful I decided not to let myself get crowdsurfed out on this mosh-pit of cultural zeitgeist just because it was "the thing to do." (I have other things I'd rather do.)

And I truly, truly wish that people would put as much time, energy and passion into their own communities as they seem to throw at some show which couldn't care less whether they live or die. ("Oh, but I don't like politics. They're yucky." And, "oh, I don't like reading. It's boring.")

God help us. Every. Single. One.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMERICAN IDOL's appeal is also a mystery to me, but I did enjoy the hell out of Paula Abdul's show on Bravo. Gawd, what a train wreck.

I personally think if Jordin Sparks is the best AI has to offer, they need to pack that shit up and call it a day.

4:00 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I think they need to pack it up regardless...and they should slam the suitcase lid EXTRA hard on Simon's so-called "balls."

I heard about Paula's show, though I never saw Anna Nicole, I could just never bring myself to enjoy watching another human being's dissolution. (Except Bill O'Reilly--now that would be some hella-funny shit there...)

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm fascinated by the audition shows and then hardly remember it's on after they all go "to Hollywood!!!!"

Paula is so not dissolving in that show. She is shown raking in the bucks from anywhere she can. She's rather odd but no Anna Nicole train wreck.

Wouldn't you love to see Bill's meltdown? I'd want it to be videotape of him with donkeys and he'd have to be sober so he couldn't get the rehab redemption.


5:15 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I'm sure Bill has skeletons in his closet, even if they died of boredom...

Of all the AI judges, I despise Paula the least...since I hardly ever watch, I never see her, except when they interview her for something. I'm just grateful they make her the mouthpiece rather than Simon.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Gary Airedale said...

Here's how I enjoy AI: First, you're taking the term "reality show" way too literally. Think of it more like watching an episode of "All In The Family". I mean...did you hate AITF cuz Archie was an a-hole? Think of Simon as Archie, Paula as Edith (or Gloria-take your pick) and Randy as Meathead. The singers are Maude, the Jeffersons, Lionel, etc...It's a drama. It's a soap opera. It's a variety show. Is it fake? yes. Is it entertaining? yes. Is it the greatest thing since sliced bread? No. But it's a plane on which we all meet. Such is usually the case with artifacts that have mass-cultural appeal. They're banal...but we like it. It's sort of like eating junk food once a week. A bag of Cheetos can be yummy, I just don't want to eat it every day.

2:03 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Cheetos are all nice and good until the force-feeding begins: even though the show only airs once a week, we have these clips shoved down our throats at least 10 times a day--enough already!

I see your point with the "All In The Family" comparison, but the difference between that and AI is that Carroll O'Connor was playing a part--a fictional part--as Archie Bunker. That was the understanding--the unblurred line--it was a "social contract," if you will.

I guess I just feel that this show celebrates the judges for "being themselves," and outside the show, I don't think they've done anything to merit celebrity (even Paula was an annoying fucking singer with a helium-esque voice). So it feels like a cop-out.

A mean-spirited cop-out.

5:31 PM  

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