Sunday, March 30, 2008

In Which Aaron Discover's He's "PG," Rather than "R," As He'd Thought...

(...although I suppose I should make that "PG-13," shouldn't I? But I still bridle at that "age requirement" thing.)

I found this dandy little Cuss-O-Meter over at Stephen Rader's blog. They can do everything on the Internet now! You can Super Poke people (which wasn't what I thought it was when I first saw the term--imagine my disappointment), you can find out which Sondheim musical you are (it wouldn't work for me, but I know flat out I'm "Company"--drunk, off-key and destined to be alone? Yep, that's me), and apparently you can find out who among your high school classmates has a crush on you (and THAT I would not care to find out. No siree).

But I took the Cuss-O-Meter and found out that I haven't been quite as graphic as I'd thought:

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

(And isn't it heartwarming to know that after they rate your language, they're ready to fix you up with an online date? Do they put potty-mouths together with other potty-mouths? Actually, a cusser and screamer might be fun in bed...)

Stephen got a little over 35%, over 250% higher than other blogs. HOW they do their math is beyond me, but since math was never my strong point, I'll stay out of that briar patch. I'll just take a moment to address Stephen and say:

Neener, neener, NEEner!
I'm cleaner, cleaner CLEAner!

And nobody is more surprised than I am. I thought my language would make Richard Pryor blush. Which is no mean feat.

I'll have to work on that.


In other news, last night I got to attend the TimeLine Theatre Company's benefit "Step Into Time," a themed evening with actors dressed as various historical characters. One of my bosses is on the board of TimeLine, and thanks to him, I've discovered some of the finest presentation of classical plays I've ever seen. Also thanks to him, our organization purchased a table at the event! And since he was the event chair, our table was front and center.

The event was a tribute to Sheldon Harnick, the Broadway legend who wrote "Fiddler On the Roof," and "Fiorello!" which TimeLine is remounting in a few weeks. My friend Michael was in the first run and he's also doing the remount. He was also at the event, in costume as Louis Sullivan (and let me repeat once again, Michael, the bowler is VERY fetching). I'm quite looking forward to seeing "Fiorello!" again. In fact the whole of late April/early May will be a great time for small theatre in Chicago--Hell in A Handbag Productions (my company) is also doing "Die! Mommie! Die" beginning April 17, and I'm house managing most Thursday nights. So, between that, "Fiorello!" and "Aladdin" (which I plan on catching at some point this time, because I WANT to see Stephen with a blue face), I'll be enjoying myself thoroughly.

The event last night was really nice--great food, great booze and fun folks! It was held at the Chicago Cultural Center, which is a beautiful building, especially the Preston Bradley Center where the event was held. Besides my boss, I had two other co-workers there (there were supposed to be more, but a few of them bailed out. *cough* Chickenshits *cough*).

And at the end of the night, I got to shake Sheldon Harnick's hand (he has quite a grip--atta boy!) and tell him how much I love all his work. It always makes me feel good to do that--not that my seal of approval is worth anything (I only got a 25% cuss rating here, guys!), but I just like knowing that I got a chance to let someone know what they or their work means to me. Three years ago, that meant grabbing Marianne Faithfull's hand at the end of her Park West concert and yelling over the din of the audience "I LOVE YOU" into her face. Although, actually, due to the stage height, I ended up yelling it into the shelf of her bosom. But I got to kiss her hand three times. I firmly believe that you should tell people how much you appreciate them--always. Who knows--maybe it's just what they need to hear at that moment. Who cares if you're not famous too?

Although if I work my way up to, say, a 40% cuss rating, I could be famous.

Hmmm...I think I have a new goal.

Let me correct that--a new FUCKING goal.


Blogger Stephen Rader said...

You're cleaner. Well, I am the LaWanda Page of gay Chicago, so I guess that's right.

Last night's event sounds fun. And you're not the only one anxious to see me in blue face. I'm terrified. Tonight, I have my first magic rehearsal. Stephen IS LaWanda Page as Doug Henning. Sweet Jesus...

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do they count commenters in the cuss-o-meter? If so I can help you out I mean I can fucking try the fuck and help you the fuck out. Ed

5:05 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Stephen: Cleanness is SO overrated...and I'm really not clean at all, as you can see from reading this most of the time! I really don't know where they get their formula. It could just be that when I post about going home or just link to a YouTube video, I don't use cuss words and maybe they're measuring the NUMBER of posts vs. cuss usage...

And just think: you know how people are always saying "I'll do such-and-such until I'm blue in the face?" Now you can legitimately say it! :-)

Ed: I'm not sure if they go as far as the comments sections or not, but this blog is a free-speech zone, so just feel free to say whatever comes the fuck out! :-)

8:35 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

And the "LaWanda Page of gay Chicago?" That is GROOVIN'! I can see you in your best Aunt Esther church-lady hat, calling out those right-wing fish-eyed fools. :-)

8:37 PM  
Blogger BC said...

25%. I'm jealous and proud.

12:01 PM  
Blogger BC said...

I just checked mine. I got a 18.9

12:04 PM  
Blogger American Girl said...

That is some motherfuckin' bullshit! There is no fucking way you don't have a goddamn potty mouth. Who is the asshole who invented that piece of shit machine. Frankly, I think that fucker is broken.

Just trying to fucking help. Sarah

2:35 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Darling, I was Louis Sullivan in my fetching bowler. ;)

Oh, and fuck.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

BC: Your blog is graceful and artistic, like an angel's wings. You don't need profanity to make it special! But you're welcome to come over here and cuss and spit whenever you want. :-)

Sarah: Thanks for the boost--I always have time for my fellow profane!

Michael: "Ferris," "Sullivan," who gives a fuck? :-) (Just kidding--I'll make correction...)

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

**polishing knuckles on lapel**


Of course, my mother's full blooded sailor so genetically I had an edge going in.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Bully for you, fuck-face. :-)

2:10 PM  

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