Friday, May 09, 2008

The Tagless Meme

Since it's been a crazy week, I had no chance to scavenge the advice columns this week..."Advice Is Now a Habit" will return next Friday at its regularly scheduled time. The role of Aaron will be played by Donal Logue. In the meantime, I share with you the following meme. Nobody gets "tagged" in this one, so nobody has to answer these impertinent questions if they don't wish to...

Happy Friday!

The way to win your heart?
Draw the correct number.

When was the last time you really laughed?
I don't know--when's the last time Oprah wore something sleeveless and yellow?

Do you twirl or scoop your spaghetti?
No, but I've taken it out for a samba once or twice.

What are you like when you're drunk?
Are you implying that I imbibe? How dare you!

Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
I like fresh-squeezed best.

Who knows a big secret about you?
There are no big secrets about me anymore, thanks to you, blabbermouth.

How long is your hair?
Three and a half hours.

Do you like Batman?
Yes, but I'm not ready for a long-term commitment yet.

Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
Julie, the friendly Time-Life operator.

Do you like anyone now?
Stacy's Mom (she's really got it goin' on).

When was the last time you sang out loud?
When Donald Rumsfeld resigned.

What did you have for breakfast?
A banana. And a poodle.

Is your birthday on a holiday?
No, but it oughtta be!

Can you cook?
Yeah, especially books.

Did you have a nap today?
Are you asking about my drinking again?? God, get a life already!

What was the reason you got in trouble last?
I did a dance on Mommy's plants, climbed a tree and tore my pants, filled Dad's sugar bowl with ants, somebody snitched on me.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
I prefer culottes.

When is your birthday?
June 19, 1638.

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
This is a shirt? I thought it was a culotte.

Do you have any regrets?
Yes! I'm so sorry I ever brought the whole thing up!

Do you use an alarm clock?
As what?

Where was your profile picture taken?
Nobody took it, I still have it.

Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
How sharp her teeth are.

What color is your favorite shoe?
Elizabeth Shue. She's sort of person-colored.

Who would you like to see right now?
A psychiatrist. Or Ed McMahon, bringing me my check.

Are you a social or antisocial person?
I'm sort of social, but more economic.

Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yes...they're still chained up in my basement.

Do you have a tan?
A tan what?

Would you rather sleep in the bed with someone, or alone?
Are those my only two choices? Geez, how rigid...

What school do you go to?
Miss Portia Porter's Finishing School. We're learning elocution today...

Last person you laid in bed with?
Agnes Moorehead.

Ever had braces?
Yes, and sometimes I still miss my overbite...

Are you afraid of the dark?
Why, is he outside? Quick, hide the Vaseline!

Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
I ride the L. Every day is a mosh pit.

What's your favorite song?
Anything but "Chiquitita."

Who's your last text message from?
I haven't received it yet.

What's your favorite commercial at the moment?
We're supposed to pay attention to those damned things??

Do you always wear your seat belt?
Well, not when I'm walking, for Chrissakes!

Do you like bananas?
I had one for breakfast, didn't I? Don't you ever read?

What do you wear to bed?
Red pasties and cuban heeled slippers.

Who was the last person to disappoint you?
Beaver Cleaver, when he decided to hide Larry Mondello in his bedroom. Boy, you think you know someone...

Do you trust people?
Only if they're under 30.

What's your sign?
"Closed for repairs."

Is there someone you want to fight?
Only if it's a cockfight. (I could easily take a rooster down.)

Do you know what you want to do with your life?
I was thinking about doing it in Danish Modern. Whaddya think?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your answers are BRILLIANT (trilling in a high fey voice!)

Thanks for the giggles.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

You're welcome...thanks for giggling! And I love high fey trills, too. They remind me of Joanne Worley, who I just love! ;-)

11:24 AM  
Blogger American Girl said...

That Julie is one nice operator.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Isn't she? We could all learn about great phone skills from her!

2:24 PM  
Blogger David said...

You're insane!

2:27 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

The company I keep, David...the company I keep.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave it to Aaron to answer the way all would if we grew a pair.
You like your milk fresh squeezed? When I worked in a grocery store, I was made to ask, "Would you like your milk in a bag?" Several people trying to be original sid, "No I want it left in the bottle."
We had a rooster named Oscar. He was one mean sob. I was 7 or 8 yeares old and he loved to chase me. I went out to get the mail and he flogged me every time I moved. My back and legs were bleeding. One day my mom was out hanging up clothes on the line and he attacked her. We had chicken for Sunday dinner. ED

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agnes Moorhead...isn't that just the perfect Trannie name? Oh the picture of the two of you in bed together. She looks at you a smirk comes on her widening smile and a light gleems in her eyes. She says, "Okay, now show me your wand". Ed

12:11 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

She'd be more likely to cut if off, I think...I understand she was quite the stern-boots, especially in later years, according to Dick Sargent (the second Darrin).

4:41 PM  
Anonymous catrina said...

A little late to the party, I know, but I've been so busy at work that my blog-surfing time has been cut in half (what's up with that, by the way??). So today I'm reading your blog (while I'm supposed to be concentrating heavily on some law-related stuff), and all of a sudden I'm laughing out loud! Three people have stopped by my office asking if I'm OK.

11:40 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Always glad to contribute to someone else's delinquency, Catrina! Thanks for stopping by...

12:10 PM  

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