Tuesday, October 16, 2007

"Fun Survey," or "What Crackhead Wrote These Questions?"

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
Somehow, I think having Jesus with you entitles you to a comp...otherwise, I'd probably pay. He already died for me, for piss sakes...

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name. What do you choose?
Darlene Ryan.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
I can't imagine getting rid of a whole state. We need all the land we can get. A few states have dumber citizens per capita than others, but I have friends in most states, so I think I'll keep 'em all…

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna do?
Go shoe shopping.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo all the way (I used to heart Luke more, but Harrison Ford stayed cute when he got older).

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
A vacuum cleaner (don't ask--I can't explain).

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do:
See Number 5--I can't think of two others. I don't find the genetically altered nouveu-Aryan stars of today attractive.

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
Bad hygiene/doesn't like music.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
"Charlie's Angels" (I was scared that someone actually paid money to make that pile of shit).

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I sometimes call people by the wrong name when I'm really tired...

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you eat?
A pound of plastic explosives (I'm not going down alone!)...

12. What's something that most people do that you don't?
Talk on their cell phones while driving.

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
A place where I can buy immortality.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
Write a book.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
My cat is already wild enough for me. I don't need anything that actually KILLS when it bites.

16. A drug you'll never try?
Lots I'll never try--I'd have to say crack is right up there.

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
A big grumpy bear.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
I'd never marry a 12-year-old--that's sick! (Oh, you mean, someone I knew WHEN I was 12? Oh, hell, I don't know--they were all bitches.)

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you?
Probably nothing at this point--I'm embarrassingly honest.

20. First celebrity crush?
Ann-Margret (also Barbara Mandrell--they were simultaneous). Along with Christopher Reeve (I couldn't make my mind up even then).

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Paintball gun.


23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?
Waffles are the bomb--but I love really crisp cheese bagels too.

24. Favorite parody movie?
"Airplane!"

25. Worst way to die?
In isolation.

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
A kid dislocated his foot during gym class (I actually had to sit on the ground because I almost passed out).

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
I tripped and put my arm through the glass part of a storm door when I was 10. I cut my arm in several places. No permanent damage, although I still have the scars.

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
Being off work and spending time with family.

29. Sport you hate the most?
I'm not wild about any of them, really. I hate golf more than most, however. I'm sick of Tiger Woods (yeah, yeah, yeah, you're rich, you're young, you're straight, you're unbeatable--you da man. Retire already.)

30. What state in the US do you want to visit?
Washington (State), Virginia

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
Investing!

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
"I'm just sayin'" or that so-and-so "dropped the ball." Get some original speech, for fuck's sakes.

34. What makes an awesome party?
Terrific folks, good booze and lots of spicy nibbly bite-sized things!

35. What's your material obsession?
I buy lots of shirts for some reason...

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
That I'm a bitch.

37. Favorite kind of dog(s)?
I like all dogs except for the small, yappy ones.

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
Funnel cakes.
39. Morning or night person?
Night.

40. Worst drunken habit?
Munchies/smoking too much.

41. Weirdest ebay purchase?
I've only bought one thing on eBay: a copy of "Female Trouble" on VHS. That was 8 years ago, so I'm not too active on eBay!

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
Really SPICY Mexican food.

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
Asleep (or getting back from a Joans gig).

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
I like going out with all of my friends (unless they're in a bad mood).

45. Worst job you've ever had?
Telemarketer.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
That I talk so much occasionally. (It's not my fault that I have interesting things to say and they don't!)

47. Favorite cereal?
Frosted Mini-Wheats, granola with raisins.

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
Anything by James Thurber (they're usually short story collections, so they're quick, too).


49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
I'm probably mean not to give money to all the panhandlers, but I've gotta pay my bills, too.


50. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Impossible to say...

2 Comments:

Blogger Stephen Rader said...

Great answers. Han Solo and funnel cake - - Bring it on!!!

2:45 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Especially if the two can be somehow combined...

(Oh now, I'm REALLY hungry!)

4:45 PM  

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