Thursday, January 10, 2008

Rooms With No Fumes

January 1 marked the beginning of a state-wide smoking ban on all indoor spaces in Illinois, which is the latest state to pass such an ordinance. Not just in restaurants and hotels, but also in bars. You know, bars? Where ADULTS used to go and engage in ADULT behavior? Yeah, there I understand that people are concerned about second-hand smoke, but why the fuck would such people hang out in bars?

Oh, that's right, we forgot--because non-smokers demanded THEIR right to trawl for booty in dark rooms with spooge-covered walls, too, so they could find a complete stranger with whom to engage in risky sex, in a healthy environment free of second-hand smoke (and so that, when they got them home in the harsh light, they wouldn't have the added indignity of clothes that smell). Our bad!

So how's the new law going for me, you ask?

Bea Arthur

Thanks for asking. But seriously, folks...

Not that I mind going outside every hour or so (after breathing in so much of the cheap-ass Stud-For-Hire cologne some of these guys wear, a cigarette break actually seems like a healthier alternative every hour or so, ironically), but I do wonder how it will affect the balance of the clientele in various establishments? For example, now that the last vestige of "regular guy-ness" is gone from the "regular guy" bars, I suppose all the insufferable, yibbering drama queens will be streaming into the places where I used to seek refuge from them, with their inane chatter, calling each other "bitch" and "mary," and insisting on playing Madonna and Britney Spears on the jukebox.

How much is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones? (And don't tell me they're less than an oxygen tank, smartasses--I know from the nursing home those things can be had for under $150--I KNOW the headphones are more than that!)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get the no smoking in bars thing at all. Who goes there for their health? Are these people just about damaging one organ at a time?

2:42 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Yes, and sadly their brains were the first casualty.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was what I came here to say but Anonymous beat me to it. It's like drugstores selling booze it just crazy. Also, the prison near my house doesn't allow any tobacco on their property. The guards stop under a tree down the road and smoke I think they hide thier smokes in the tree because they have been fired for just having tobacco in their locked car in the parking lot, crazy. Ed

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hand to God, I saw this on the news this AM. Saint Charles, Missouri (party capital of Bumblefuck) has a bill that would ban swearing in bars, table dancing and other rowdy behavior. The next thing to go will probably be the booze.


I was the first anonymous.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Ed: the first place I worked for out of school had a ban on smoking inside our cars in the parking lot, but once the company changed hands, the new owners didn't really give a shit and that rule fizzled...having cigarettes in your CAR is grounds for firing in that prison? Who are the inmates and who are the employees? Do they even know??

Sarah: I'd read about that ban on swearing a few days ago--hilarious, isn't it? Good luck enforcing THAT. My dad's family is from Missouri and the "brown word" is a staple of their vocabulary--that's where I learned it. I agree, they'll ban booze in the bar next and then just turn the whole damned thing into a church.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Oops! I meant the whole DARN thing...

11:37 AM  
Blogger End of the Road said...

Smoking is unique - you cant contain smoke. If someone pisses on the floor you can step over it, around it - whatever. Cant avoid smoke.

2:05 AM  

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