OK, THIS Is Just A Little Bit Excessive...

Karen Tumeh of Lincoln, Nebraska is suing a local McDonald's for not allowing her to place an order at the drive-thru. Crazy, isn't it??

Oh--did I forget to mention that she's DEAF? Yeah. She can't hear. But she wants to use the drive-thru. You know, that box that you have to HEAR the speaker thru in order to be able to use it? Right. She wants to use it. The store has said she will need to order inside at the counter, but she insists on using the drive-thru. After all, there's no sign telling her that you have to hear to be able to use it, therefore she should be able to, and to PUT such a sign up would violate the Americans with Disabilities Act, so she has the restaurant by the short-n-curlies. (That last sentence wasn't in the article--it's just implied.)

And probably spoken aloud by Tumeh's attorney, Shirley Ann Mora James (no doubt of Shirley, Ewe, Geste, LLC), who says that Tumeh is physically capable of coming in and ordering at the counter, "but that's not the point."

No, Shirley Ann. The point is racking up a lot of billable hours for you, isn't it, honey bunch? Honestly, if your attorney was named "Shirley Ann," wouldn't you go find another one?? But since Shirley Ann's willing to take the case, Karen will stick with her, I'm sure. Especially since she's seeking attorney's fees and "unspecified damages" (that's lawyer-speak for "money she didn't earn and doesn't deserve, but the law will no doubt grant her a windfall because they'll look like big meanies if they don't"). Until she gets her payday, I'll bet Shirley Ann's her best bud.

I wonder if they do each other's hair and laugh over General Foods International Coffee?

Look, I realize that we have to be sensitive to people with disabilities, but people need to recognize their limitations, too. I'd love to be able to swim in the Olympics, but I'm just too old and fat. Even at my physical peak, I couldn't move that fast. Should I sue the Olympics for discriminating against me? Of course not! (Besides, I'm saving my lawsuit for when they presumably ruin my city in 2016.)

I hear you saying, "But Aaron, that's an extraordinary example. Drive-thrus are common features at every fast food restaurant and they're there for EVERYONE." That's right--and so are the counters inside, for those who can't use the drive-thru. It's not like they're denying her service ALTOGETHER, they're just saying she needs to use the method that works for her. How can you hear the drive-thrue speaker if--well, if you can't hear?

Shirley Ann says that Karen can't come inside because she has autistic children who might need her attention.

They might need decent nutrition, too, Shirley Ann, which means they probably shouldn't be eating McDonald's. And even if they are autistic, they can still walk into the store with her. They got into the fucking car, didn't they??

When my mother ran her boring-ass errands during my childhood, I got dragged all over tarnation--the drug store, the grocery store, the post office (before they had the drive-thru window), and a few times even the hairdresser. It's a good way to socialize with elders, I learned a lot from them, and I was better off because of it. Granted, you won't necessarily meet the pillars of society at McDonald's, but if kids have autism, they need all the social interaction they can get. And not just with a steel box at the drive-thru.

In this litigious age, I'm sure there will no doubt be TDDs at every drive-through window soon enough--or else people will be able to text their orders to the cyborgs behind the window. Until then, pull into the lot, walk inside and interact with humans!

Maybe that's the price you have to pay temporarily for eating junk.