Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Random "Hmm"ness

Here are just a few of the mental flies buzzing around my head this morning:


Apparently, Brooke Hogan (real name: Bollea), daughter of washed-up 80s wrestler Hulk Hogan, thinks it's no big deal that her 54-year-old father applied suntan lotion to her 20-year-old derriere in a recent controversial photo.

"It's like he's touching an old car," she explains, and after all, "he changed my diaper!"

But see, here's the thing, Brooke: he changed your diaper because you were an infant and you weren't able to do it yourself. You are now grown up and perfectly capable of rubbing lotion on your own ass.


President Bush addressed G8 leaders and said that "significant progress" has been made on climate change. It wasn't clear whether he meant combatting climate change or causing it.


Chicago Straw Olympic Boss Pat Ryan says that the weekend shooting tragedy at the Taste of Chicago festival will likely not affect the city's greedy grasp pipe dream bid for the 2016 Olympics.

Ryan says that most people who visit Chicago "marvel" at the safety and security of the city. Those who live here just marvel at the insane taxes. (An amusing note: Remember when Daley said he was going to raise the money for the Olympics without letting it fall on the taxpayers' shoulders? Are we surprised that he lied?)


Intelligentsia Coffee says that, beginning August 1, it will no longer offer the 20-ounce venti sized drink. Founder Doug Zell (yes--ANOTHER penny-pinching Zell) says that it's not an "economic" issue, it's about "respect for the brew," and that the full intensity of the flavor can't be appreciated in a "big-gulp-sized" drink.

Riiiight, Doug. And you also can't charge people for the price of two mediums if they decide they're satisfied with one large. Very sly. You should open a gas station.


Finally, the CTA plans to implement a new program to alleviate "bus-bunching," the problem that occurs when buses are so late that five or six show up at the same time (and usually after we've given up caring). CTA president, and some folks' wet dream ("but not mine," to quote Patti Smith), Ron Hubermann, says the new program will aim to get supervisors out of their booths and into fuel-efficient vehicles to head off groups of buses, taking passengers off of one and putting them on another to make it an express, etc.

All I can say is, the only thing more annoying than waiting forever for a bus is waiting forever for a bus, finally getting on one, then being told to get off halfway through the route and get onto another. Which is usually more crowded, with no seats available, and next to a bitchy old woman who wants to jawbone about how inconvenient it is for her (since it's not at ALL inconvenient for the rest of us).

No thanks, Ron--leave ill enough alone. If you want to alternate buses so every other one is an express, that might work. But don't yank people off when they're already on. That's just asking for it.

A motorized scooter is sounding better and better. If they only weren't so damned expensive.


So, this morning the BBC is actually at my place of work (because Chicago is SO close to England) filming a segment for that insipid "What Not To Wear" show. We're told that we can go down (it's on the first floor) and watch, but not let on that we're there for the filming, since it's not supposed to be obvious that that's what they're there for (I suppose the cameras and lights won't tip ANYONE off).

Fortunately, I have no interest in this, and I only hope I don't come across them when I'm walking out on my break. I think it's an annoying show, and although their comedy ROCKS, the British have some of the most annoying reality TV EVER (and that's saying something, because America's sucks pretty bad). And anyway, if ANYONE I didn't know were to approach me and criticize my wardrobe, I may have to whisper softly to them what they could shove and where they could shove it. And then I'd demonstrate.

I'm closing the door now so no more flies come in...


Blogger Java said...

Re: Brooke Hogan- not that I give a shit, but it looks like he's putting lotion on her thigh. The top of the thigh is not always an easy area to reach. I think it's no big deal in the first place, and don't know why the nation cares in the second place. Hello!There's a war on!

And about What Not to Wear... Horrid show. Watched it once. Never again. If I want help with my wardrobe, I'll arrange for it myself, when and with whom I choose. I need wardrobe help, that I admit, but I don't want it right now, thank you.

8:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watched What Not To Wear a few times but the only ones I liked were when they advised men. Most of the time they are advising women which I find boring for some reason. Please let me know if you'll be on the show. I'msure you don't need wardrobe advice. I've seen your pics and you clean up very well indeed.
Hulk Hogan spanks his daughters butt too since he did that when she was little. Ed

9:02 AM  
Blogger Aaron said...

No matter what's going on the world, the populace will always find time (and more space) for celebrity scandal, even mock ones. Why? Because apparently we'd rather think about petty, unimportant things than big, frightening ones that are beyond our control (since the government no longer listens to us).

And I can safely say that I will NOT be appearing on "What Not to Wear." I stayed away from that part of the building as if it contained smallpox.

9:37 AM  

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