Since You Asked - August 1, 2008 Edition
DEAR AMY: Last month I broke my ankle and had surgery. I live alone and am confined to a wheelchair six more weeks.
Recently a friend from another city called and said she wanted to come for a visit. Usually I try to make her visits similar to a "vacation at a resort." I virtually wait on her hand and foot, plan excursions and have plenty of food available.
I tried to dissuade a visit, indicating I could not be a hostess at this time.
She still insisted on coming, so I arranged for grocery/liquor deliveries, prepared the guest room, planned activities, etc.
The day she was due to arrive, I called, and she said that she had changed her plans and would not be driving through my city after all. She indicated that she should have called but "the time got away from her."
I was dumbfounded but didn't say so.
Now that I've had time to think about this, I feel hurt, angry and inconvenienced.
My first inclination is to end the friendship. This type of behavior on her part is more the norm than the exception. I'd like to handle this in a mature, adult way.
—ANNOYED
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
“The time got away from her?” That’s the lamest fucking thing I ever heard, especially when you had to call her—the very day she was supposed to arrive. If you hadn’t, what would have happened? Would she have even remembered where she was supposed to be while “time got away from her?” What a bitch. She should have called you as soon as her plans changed (which, frankly, they shouldn’t have, since she must have known how much trouble you went to and the least she could have done is come and visit if only to help you out a little).
My guess is that she was probably taking some sort of training class in your city for work or something (assuming she even has a job) and her company was too cheap to pay for a hotel room, so she decided to come freeload off you, and then the company decided to hold the class in a different city. I wonder if she has a patsy in every port.
You’re better off without this pile of asswipe, and I recommend you cross her off your Christmas card list.
DEAR ABBY: At 17, I learned I could never have children. I was devastated. I thought there would never be a "happily ever after" for me. I was wrong. I have been happily married to a wonderful man for four years. I was honest with him about my infertility, and it made no difference to him.
The problem is my father-in-law. Although my husband has two sisters, he is the only son of an only son, and his dad is always pushing the baby issue. He says things like, "If I could only have a grandson before I die," or, "When are you going to get busy and have me a baby?" When I remind him that he has a grandson, he says it doesn't matter. He wants one with HIS last name.
My husband thinks I should just tell his father the truth -- that I can't have children -- but I'm afraid his parents will hate me. It has been seven years since I learned I can't have children, and I still feel an emptiness inside. And just when I think I can't feel any worse, my father-in-law's comments make me feel broken and useless. I could use some advice.
-- CHILDLESS IN ARKANSAS
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
Is this guy senile or just a douchebag? Either way, he has no tact and doesn’t sound very bright. So there’s no need to tell him the truth (and frankly, he doesn’t deserve to know). Next time, just tell him you’ll make a deal with him: say you’ll have a grandson after he dies. That way he’ll never live to be disappointed.
Oh, and by the way, your husband thinks you should tell his father that you can’t have children? Instead of telling him as a couple, which shows a united front?
Clearly the douchebag gene is a dominant one in that family. It’s a good thing he won’t pass it down.
BONUS QUESTION (or is that “BONER?”)
DEAR ABBY: Why do people write messages such as "Happy Birthday" to dead people in obituary columns in newspapers? I comprehend the idea of memoriams, but to wish someone who has died a happy birthday or anniversary seems ludicrous to me. Will you point this out to your readers and comment?
-- MYSTIFIED IN EASTERN MAINE
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
I’d rather point out to you that you’re an asshole. And also that it’s none of your goddamned business how people choose to remember an important date in the life of a lost loved one.
I’m sure people don’t expect this loved one to be sitting on a cloud, fingering through the obituaries to see who their new roommates are going to be in Heaven. It’s more a way of helping the living deal with their grief and showing friends and family that they still observe the date as an important one in their shared life, and that it’s OK to celebrate that day even though the loved one has departed.
OK, dickhead? Now, Happy Birthday or Anniversary.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have, for some years, been hiking a relatively secluded, wooded trail that hugs the side of a canyon where I can enjoy the peace, tranquillity and gentle sounds of nature.
Recently, the setting has been altered by a man who has chosen to practice bagpipes near the head of the trail. The acoustics of the land are such that sound carries for great distances, and even well into my walk I can still hear him.
As a devoted amateur musician and lover of most music, including bagpipes, and with sensitive hearing, I find myself dismayed that the aesthetics of this natural setting have been altered. I might add that the player does not seem to play songs, but rather tends to improvise. While this may not rival the intrusiveness of booming car stereo music that rattles one's windows, I still find it incompatible with this hitherto tranquil place.
Am I incorrect in questioning the player's judgment in choosing this venue, and, if not, is there a polite way of communicating with him?
--TOFFEE NOSE
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
Jesus, who are you, Evelyn Waugh? Where did you learn to write like that? “Hitherto?” “Aesthetics?” What the hell?
I hate to break it to you, Maria von Trapp, but the hills don’t only belong to you. Unless you have a deed on this land, he has as much right to be there as you do. If you don’t like the music, try walking sometime when he’s not playing.
Alternatively, you could buy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. They’re a little pricey, but I’m sure you could nanny some children or clean some convents to pay for them.
Recently a friend from another city called and said she wanted to come for a visit. Usually I try to make her visits similar to a "vacation at a resort." I virtually wait on her hand and foot, plan excursions and have plenty of food available.
I tried to dissuade a visit, indicating I could not be a hostess at this time.
She still insisted on coming, so I arranged for grocery/liquor deliveries, prepared the guest room, planned activities, etc.
The day she was due to arrive, I called, and she said that she had changed her plans and would not be driving through my city after all. She indicated that she should have called but "the time got away from her."
I was dumbfounded but didn't say so.
Now that I've had time to think about this, I feel hurt, angry and inconvenienced.
My first inclination is to end the friendship. This type of behavior on her part is more the norm than the exception. I'd like to handle this in a mature, adult way.
—ANNOYED
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
“The time got away from her?” That’s the lamest fucking thing I ever heard, especially when you had to call her—the very day she was supposed to arrive. If you hadn’t, what would have happened? Would she have even remembered where she was supposed to be while “time got away from her?” What a bitch. She should have called you as soon as her plans changed (which, frankly, they shouldn’t have, since she must have known how much trouble you went to and the least she could have done is come and visit if only to help you out a little).
My guess is that she was probably taking some sort of training class in your city for work or something (assuming she even has a job) and her company was too cheap to pay for a hotel room, so she decided to come freeload off you, and then the company decided to hold the class in a different city. I wonder if she has a patsy in every port.
You’re better off without this pile of asswipe, and I recommend you cross her off your Christmas card list.
DEAR ABBY: At 17, I learned I could never have children. I was devastated. I thought there would never be a "happily ever after" for me. I was wrong. I have been happily married to a wonderful man for four years. I was honest with him about my infertility, and it made no difference to him.
The problem is my father-in-law. Although my husband has two sisters, he is the only son of an only son, and his dad is always pushing the baby issue. He says things like, "If I could only have a grandson before I die," or, "When are you going to get busy and have me a baby?" When I remind him that he has a grandson, he says it doesn't matter. He wants one with HIS last name.
My husband thinks I should just tell his father the truth -- that I can't have children -- but I'm afraid his parents will hate me. It has been seven years since I learned I can't have children, and I still feel an emptiness inside. And just when I think I can't feel any worse, my father-in-law's comments make me feel broken and useless. I could use some advice.
-- CHILDLESS IN ARKANSAS
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
Is this guy senile or just a douchebag? Either way, he has no tact and doesn’t sound very bright. So there’s no need to tell him the truth (and frankly, he doesn’t deserve to know). Next time, just tell him you’ll make a deal with him: say you’ll have a grandson after he dies. That way he’ll never live to be disappointed.
Oh, and by the way, your husband thinks you should tell his father that you can’t have children? Instead of telling him as a couple, which shows a united front?
Clearly the douchebag gene is a dominant one in that family. It’s a good thing he won’t pass it down.
BONUS QUESTION (or is that “BONER?”)
DEAR ABBY: Why do people write messages such as "Happy Birthday" to dead people in obituary columns in newspapers? I comprehend the idea of memoriams, but to wish someone who has died a happy birthday or anniversary seems ludicrous to me. Will you point this out to your readers and comment?
-- MYSTIFIED IN EASTERN MAINE
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
I’d rather point out to you that you’re an asshole. And also that it’s none of your goddamned business how people choose to remember an important date in the life of a lost loved one.
I’m sure people don’t expect this loved one to be sitting on a cloud, fingering through the obituaries to see who their new roommates are going to be in Heaven. It’s more a way of helping the living deal with their grief and showing friends and family that they still observe the date as an important one in their shared life, and that it’s OK to celebrate that day even though the loved one has departed.
OK, dickhead? Now, Happy Birthday or Anniversary.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have, for some years, been hiking a relatively secluded, wooded trail that hugs the side of a canyon where I can enjoy the peace, tranquillity and gentle sounds of nature.
Recently, the setting has been altered by a man who has chosen to practice bagpipes near the head of the trail. The acoustics of the land are such that sound carries for great distances, and even well into my walk I can still hear him.
As a devoted amateur musician and lover of most music, including bagpipes, and with sensitive hearing, I find myself dismayed that the aesthetics of this natural setting have been altered. I might add that the player does not seem to play songs, but rather tends to improvise. While this may not rival the intrusiveness of booming car stereo music that rattles one's windows, I still find it incompatible with this hitherto tranquil place.
Am I incorrect in questioning the player's judgment in choosing this venue, and, if not, is there a polite way of communicating with him?
--TOFFEE NOSE
WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED:
Jesus, who are you, Evelyn Waugh? Where did you learn to write like that? “Hitherto?” “Aesthetics?” What the hell?
I hate to break it to you, Maria von Trapp, but the hills don’t only belong to you. Unless you have a deed on this land, he has as much right to be there as you do. If you don’t like the music, try walking sometime when he’s not playing.
Alternatively, you could buy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. They’re a little pricey, but I’m sure you could nanny some children or clean some convents to pay for them.
posted by Aaron at 9:53 AM
6 Comments:
On the Dear Amy letter I think the woman got a better offer to freeload from somebody else. The fact that she insisted on visiting even when told it is not a good time and then forgetting about it makes one realize she is lacking in something. What is it Aretha? R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Perhaps the woman who couldn't have children should go away for a few months and adopt a baby then tell the Grandpa it's his blood and kin. (I've been watching Desperate Housewives way too much)
I may be in the minority (ahem) but I believe those in Heaven know what is happening here on Earth. I find a common phrase very disturbing when displayed at the graves of those who profess to believe in Heaven: something about building a stairway to heaven and reach right up and bring you home again. I know they miss their dearly departed but if they truly believe Heaven is a wonderful place why would they want their loved ones to come back here with all it's pain and anguish?
I suspect that the Bagpiper was told to go out to the woods and play because his neighbors find his practicing a bit annoying. You are so right to tell the tender eared snob to walk when the muscian isn't there. Oh, by the way Toffee Nose? I'd check again it may be something else brown since she/he seems to stick their nose into other peoples business. ed
On the Dear Amy letter I think the woman got a better offer to freeload from somebody else. The fact that she insisted on visiting even when told it is not a good time and then forgetting about it makes one realize she is lacking in something. What is it Aretha? R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Perhaps the woman who couldn't have children should go away for a few months and adopt a baby then tell the Grandpa it's his blood and kin. (I've been watching Desperate Housewives way too much)
I may be in the minority (ahem) but I believe those in Heaven know what is happening here on Earth. I find a common phrase very disturbing when displayed at the graves of those who profess to believe in Heaven: something about building a stairway to heaven and reach right up and bring you home again. I know they miss their dearly departed but if they truly believe Heaven is a wonderful place why would they want their loved ones to come back here with all it's pain and anguish?
I suspect that the Bagpiper was told to go out to the woods and play because his neighbors find his practicing a bit annoying. You are so right to tell the tender eared snob to walk when the muscian isn't there. Oh, by the way Toffee Nose? I'd check again it may be something else brown since she/he seems to stick their nose into other peoples business. ed
WTF? Imagine that another guy named ed who wrote the exact same thing. What are the odds? ed
You have a clone! Are you missing any toothbrushes or nail clippings? ;-)
I did have a dream a while back that someone was pulling out my Pubic hairs. I didn't mean to click on the Publish Your Comment button twice. ed
I've done it myself many a time (hit the "publish" button twice, I mean, not pulled out pubic hairs).
Post a Comment
<< Home