Frigid Partners and "Family" Photos--Unwanted Advice (4/24/09)
DEAR ELLIE: I recently started a relationship with a man 10 years older than me, which doesn't bother him or his parents, but for some reason his sister doesn't like me. She started a rumor at our favorite bar that I'm trying to get pregnant and trap her brother into marriage. Now no one will talk to me there.
I've tried to be nice to her, but she's been mean and nasty; she also keeps calling me a baby or too young. I'm 23 and she's 32. Do I have her brother talk to her or do I do it myself?
--NOT SURE
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Who gives a shit? Since you’ve got a man now, you don’t need to trawl around in the same bar as this sad sack, so let her have the place to herself while she badmouths you. Eventually, people will get tired of listening to her, and either tune out or play the jukebox. And if they don't, so what? Nobody believes a bunch of drunks anyway.
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Helene," refuses to speak to me for days or even weeks. When I try to find out why or talk to her, she ignores me. She has moved into another bedroom, which has become her own little domain. She refuses to have sex or even watch TV with me.
I have no reason to believe Helene is cheating, and I am certainly not cheating on her. We are raising my son from a previous marriage, and sometimes I wonder if this is what is bugging her.
My ex-wife lives in another state, and we communicate only once in a while. My boy is a pre-teen, and Helene and I have had him since he was a baby. He considers her his "Mama," and she considers him her son.
I am very much in love with my wife, and I can't figure this out. Can people just fall out of love?
--FREEZING IN SOUTH CAROLINA
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Yes, and I recommend that you do so immediately. I don’t know what bug has crawled up her ass, but I doubt it’s your son—he’s lived there for so many years that if that were the issue, it would have been raised before now.
If she refuses to discuss it with you, there’s no reason why you should put up with this shitty treatment. You can try visiting a counselor, but I’d stop by a lawyer’s office on the way home. It’s a shame about the son, but how much good is it doing him to watch her act like this?
DEAR AMY: I had a child before I met my husband. When we got married, my husband adopted my daughter, who was a year old at the time. We then had three more children. Now they're all grown and have children of their own.
My mother-in-law now wants to have a "generation picture" done. She plans to include only the children my husband and I have biologically together. My husband considers my daughter to be "our" daughter.
Is it rude of his mother to ask for pictures with our other children and exclude her?
If my mother-in-law won't include our daughter in the shot, I feel no pictures should be taken.
--CONFUSED AND HURT
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
I agree. If your husband adopted your daughter, she must have lived with you all those years. For your mother-in-law to want to exclude her now, she must be either senile or just an extraordinarily mean and petty old bag.
Either way, it’s time to get a nursing home on speed dial. She can take her “exclusively biological” family photo and set it on the back of the toilet she shares with an incontinent woman named Mrs. Fleezly.
DEAR MARGO: My partner and I have been together for 26 years. After a messy divorce, he said he didn’t need a piece of paper to tell him whom to love. A few months ago I finally got up the nerve to tell him how dissatisfying our sex life has been. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything, and he said he had not been aware that there was a problem. I tried to be as specific as I could, while at the same time not blaming him. He knew I was inexperienced, because I told him.
Now to the problem: Since our "talk," we have not had sex. In fact, he seems to fall asleep on the couch more and more. I wanted things to get better, not worse. We barely have a relationship anymore. I’ve tried several times to talk things out, but he says almost nothing. I dislike him more each day. He is not abusive and supports our son in every way. My family all love him. I just see our relationship disappearing! I still love him, but I sure don’t like him very much anymore.
--F.R.
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Let me get this straight: are you trying to tell me that, after 26 years, you’re trying to claim that you’re “inexperienced?” I sure hope I read that wrong.
As far as the sex problem: he was probably not all that hot in the sack to begin with, but obviously you’re not very good at constructive criticism, because whatever you said turned this guy completely off. And if you dislike him, imagine how he must feel about you—it’s no coincidence that he’s sleeping on the couch.
You’d both better get to a counselor. And this time, please leave the talking to someone who knows how to do it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a dental professional office and have a dilemma. This is a privately owned office with only one dentist and I am the only employee hired for the reception area. My problem revolves around solicitors that decide to come in to the office. We do have a "No Soliciting" sign that does nothing to deter them. After listening to their speech, which is never short, I spend the next several minutes explaining, to no avail, that we are not interested.
My question is how do I politely refuse them without having to explain several times that I, nor the doctor, are interested in the products or services they are offering?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Skip the explanations. Point to the sign and tell them that since there’s only one reason they should be there, the dentist will start drilling immediately.
I've tried to be nice to her, but she's been mean and nasty; she also keeps calling me a baby or too young. I'm 23 and she's 32. Do I have her brother talk to her or do I do it myself?
--NOT SURE
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Who gives a shit? Since you’ve got a man now, you don’t need to trawl around in the same bar as this sad sack, so let her have the place to herself while she badmouths you. Eventually, people will get tired of listening to her, and either tune out or play the jukebox. And if they don't, so what? Nobody believes a bunch of drunks anyway.
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Helene," refuses to speak to me for days or even weeks. When I try to find out why or talk to her, she ignores me. She has moved into another bedroom, which has become her own little domain. She refuses to have sex or even watch TV with me.
I have no reason to believe Helene is cheating, and I am certainly not cheating on her. We are raising my son from a previous marriage, and sometimes I wonder if this is what is bugging her.
My ex-wife lives in another state, and we communicate only once in a while. My boy is a pre-teen, and Helene and I have had him since he was a baby. He considers her his "Mama," and she considers him her son.
I am very much in love with my wife, and I can't figure this out. Can people just fall out of love?
--FREEZING IN SOUTH CAROLINA
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Yes, and I recommend that you do so immediately. I don’t know what bug has crawled up her ass, but I doubt it’s your son—he’s lived there for so many years that if that were the issue, it would have been raised before now.
If she refuses to discuss it with you, there’s no reason why you should put up with this shitty treatment. You can try visiting a counselor, but I’d stop by a lawyer’s office on the way home. It’s a shame about the son, but how much good is it doing him to watch her act like this?
DEAR AMY: I had a child before I met my husband. When we got married, my husband adopted my daughter, who was a year old at the time. We then had three more children. Now they're all grown and have children of their own.
My mother-in-law now wants to have a "generation picture" done. She plans to include only the children my husband and I have biologically together. My husband considers my daughter to be "our" daughter.
Is it rude of his mother to ask for pictures with our other children and exclude her?
If my mother-in-law won't include our daughter in the shot, I feel no pictures should be taken.
--CONFUSED AND HURT
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
I agree. If your husband adopted your daughter, she must have lived with you all those years. For your mother-in-law to want to exclude her now, she must be either senile or just an extraordinarily mean and petty old bag.
Either way, it’s time to get a nursing home on speed dial. She can take her “exclusively biological” family photo and set it on the back of the toilet she shares with an incontinent woman named Mrs. Fleezly.
DEAR MARGO: My partner and I have been together for 26 years. After a messy divorce, he said he didn’t need a piece of paper to tell him whom to love. A few months ago I finally got up the nerve to tell him how dissatisfying our sex life has been. I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything, and he said he had not been aware that there was a problem. I tried to be as specific as I could, while at the same time not blaming him. He knew I was inexperienced, because I told him.
Now to the problem: Since our "talk," we have not had sex. In fact, he seems to fall asleep on the couch more and more. I wanted things to get better, not worse. We barely have a relationship anymore. I’ve tried several times to talk things out, but he says almost nothing. I dislike him more each day. He is not abusive and supports our son in every way. My family all love him. I just see our relationship disappearing! I still love him, but I sure don’t like him very much anymore.
--F.R.
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Let me get this straight: are you trying to tell me that, after 26 years, you’re trying to claim that you’re “inexperienced?” I sure hope I read that wrong.
As far as the sex problem: he was probably not all that hot in the sack to begin with, but obviously you’re not very good at constructive criticism, because whatever you said turned this guy completely off. And if you dislike him, imagine how he must feel about you—it’s no coincidence that he’s sleeping on the couch.
You’d both better get to a counselor. And this time, please leave the talking to someone who knows how to do it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a dental professional office and have a dilemma. This is a privately owned office with only one dentist and I am the only employee hired for the reception area. My problem revolves around solicitors that decide to come in to the office. We do have a "No Soliciting" sign that does nothing to deter them. After listening to their speech, which is never short, I spend the next several minutes explaining, to no avail, that we are not interested.
My question is how do I politely refuse them without having to explain several times that I, nor the doctor, are interested in the products or services they are offering?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Skip the explanations. Point to the sign and tell them that since there’s only one reason they should be there, the dentist will start drilling immediately.
posted by Aaron at 10:10 AM
4 Comments:
All of your answers are spot on, Aaron. The one where the woman thinks her boyfriends sister is starting rumours (notice the English spelling) about her cracks me up. So what if she gets knocked up? Entrapment? I don't think so. If the guy doesn't want to marry her she could be the Octomom with 8 little darlings in the oven and he'd still head for the hills. Finally it looks like spring outside. I think I'll go out and enjoy it. Have a pleasant weekend. ed
You do the same! We might actually see 80 degrees here. (Of course, we may have to turn the oven on to get it.)
There is a new star in the firmament. Our dear Bea Arthur has passed away she was 86 years young. She truly was a Golden Girl. ed
I was very sad, but not terribly surprised. She was getting VERY frail the last few years and I could tell her health was delicate. She'll always be my favorite Golden Girl, though! And I loved her in "Maude," too!!!
I also love Betty White, and am happy to see that she's still spry as ever. Let's enjoy her while we have her!
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