Who Asked for My Advice?? I Give Freely...
DEAR ABBY: My mother is a wonderful person but is one of the world's worst cooks. She'll see a recipe that looks tasty, but if she doesn't have all the ingredients, she will make substitutions. If the recipe calls for uncooked shrimp, she might replace it with canned tuna. If she doesn't have bleu cheese on hand, she will use imitation cheese spread instead.
I have tried to offer her a few important guidelines. First and foremost, be sure to have all the necessary ingredients on hand before beginning to prepare a new recipe. Understand the basic techniques -- dice, shred, simmer, stir-fry. Use the recommended cooking temperatures. If the recipe says "saute," do not fry it until it's like shoe leather. Follow the proper cooking time. Fish should not be baked for 90 minutes!
Mom may not appreciate the suggestion of cooking classes, and I know about your cookbooklets. I wonder if they are simple enough for Mom to follow. What do you think?
-- DYSPEPSIA IN DENVER
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
I think you should stop bitching and cook for yourself. (Hey, you asked.)
DEAR MARGO: I am a 40-year-old college-educated business owner, wife and mother of two young boys. My mother and father live a half-hour away. I used to call once a week. If I let more than a week go by, I would get a sour greeting from my mother, such as, "Oh, about time you called," and the conversation would go downhill from there. This would get me mad, as I did not call to be scolded.
As the years went by, my phone calls became less frequent. In 10 years (I’m not exaggerating), my mother has called me maybe five times. She just expects me to call her. Why would someone act that way?
— FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER IN ARIZONA
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Because she can. As that stupid beer commercial once said, “Why ask why?” Some people just expect Mohammed to come to the mountain, so to speak, no matter the circumstances. Also, your mother sounds like the kind of person who doesn’t want to put much work into a relationship, but just expects that it will always continue on someone else’s impetus.
Next time you call, and she blows you shit about waiting too long between calls, tell her you can wait a whole lot longer before the next one. Then hang up and show her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two questions which rarely arise these days, and my own efforts to find any guidance at all have proven fruitless. I adore gloves, and have several pairs of various types, colors, materials and lengths.
First, at what age are crocheted net gloves no longer appropriate? I have a lovely pair, but I suspect the time has come to pass them on to one of my nieces.
Second, when one wears full dress (such as a dinner dress or ball gown) with full-length sleeves (to or even beyond the wrist), what length gloves should be worn? Or is this one of the few occasions when no gloves are appropriate?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
There’s a reason these questions rarely arise. And you are the reason.
DEAR ELLIE: I’m 14; my mother embarrasses me every evening when telemarketers call. She yells something nasty or hangs up when they’re still talking.
- RUDE MOM
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
At first I wondered what planet you were on. Then I reminded myself that you’re 14—the age where everything’s about you. Otherwise, I couldn’t imagine why you’d be embarrassed by something that had nothing to do with you. It’s not like your mother says to them, “My 14-year-old is sitting here smiling and nodding while I curse at you. We live at 524 Meadowlark Lane.” How would they know you exist?
Having been a telemarketer myself years ago, I can tell you that your mother is not going to be the first or last person to abuse and hang up on them, and they’re not going to consider your household unique or special in its vulgarity. So don’t get your little panties bunched.
DEAR AMY: I am a woman in my 70s, although I'm told I don't look it.
I have a very negative reaction to being greeted as "young lady."
I feel it is patronizing and demeaning and makes me want to whack the person who says it.
I'm not the only one of my friends who feels this way.
I have asked a couple of people not to call me that, and they have replied that they thought it was flattering.
Not so!
What do you think?
-- JENNY
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Well, you must admit, “young lady” is certainly more polite than “pruny old battleaxe.”
However, I agree that people who greet other people as “young lady” and “young man” are beyond patronizing—they’re almost belittling. And there’s nothing more insulting than being huffed at that “they were only trying to flatter you”—as if, on top of being annoyed by the address, you’re now supposed to feel guilty about throwing their “gift” back in their faces.
Next time they say, “I thought it was flattering,” say, “When did sarcasm become flattering, pencil-dick?” Failing that, if you don’t like being compared to a young lady, you might want to change your name to Ethel—"Jenny" just isn’t an old lady name.
I have tried to offer her a few important guidelines. First and foremost, be sure to have all the necessary ingredients on hand before beginning to prepare a new recipe. Understand the basic techniques -- dice, shred, simmer, stir-fry. Use the recommended cooking temperatures. If the recipe says "saute," do not fry it until it's like shoe leather. Follow the proper cooking time. Fish should not be baked for 90 minutes!
Mom may not appreciate the suggestion of cooking classes, and I know about your cookbooklets. I wonder if they are simple enough for Mom to follow. What do you think?
-- DYSPEPSIA IN DENVER
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
I think you should stop bitching and cook for yourself. (Hey, you asked.)
DEAR MARGO: I am a 40-year-old college-educated business owner, wife and mother of two young boys. My mother and father live a half-hour away. I used to call once a week. If I let more than a week go by, I would get a sour greeting from my mother, such as, "Oh, about time you called," and the conversation would go downhill from there. This would get me mad, as I did not call to be scolded.
As the years went by, my phone calls became less frequent. In 10 years (I’m not exaggerating), my mother has called me maybe five times. She just expects me to call her. Why would someone act that way?
— FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER IN ARIZONA
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Because she can. As that stupid beer commercial once said, “Why ask why?” Some people just expect Mohammed to come to the mountain, so to speak, no matter the circumstances. Also, your mother sounds like the kind of person who doesn’t want to put much work into a relationship, but just expects that it will always continue on someone else’s impetus.
Next time you call, and she blows you shit about waiting too long between calls, tell her you can wait a whole lot longer before the next one. Then hang up and show her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two questions which rarely arise these days, and my own efforts to find any guidance at all have proven fruitless. I adore gloves, and have several pairs of various types, colors, materials and lengths.
First, at what age are crocheted net gloves no longer appropriate? I have a lovely pair, but I suspect the time has come to pass them on to one of my nieces.
Second, when one wears full dress (such as a dinner dress or ball gown) with full-length sleeves (to or even beyond the wrist), what length gloves should be worn? Or is this one of the few occasions when no gloves are appropriate?
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
There’s a reason these questions rarely arise. And you are the reason.
DEAR ELLIE: I’m 14; my mother embarrasses me every evening when telemarketers call. She yells something nasty or hangs up when they’re still talking.
- RUDE MOM
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
At first I wondered what planet you were on. Then I reminded myself that you’re 14—the age where everything’s about you. Otherwise, I couldn’t imagine why you’d be embarrassed by something that had nothing to do with you. It’s not like your mother says to them, “My 14-year-old is sitting here smiling and nodding while I curse at you. We live at 524 Meadowlark Lane.” How would they know you exist?
Having been a telemarketer myself years ago, I can tell you that your mother is not going to be the first or last person to abuse and hang up on them, and they’re not going to consider your household unique or special in its vulgarity. So don’t get your little panties bunched.
DEAR AMY: I am a woman in my 70s, although I'm told I don't look it.
I have a very negative reaction to being greeted as "young lady."
I feel it is patronizing and demeaning and makes me want to whack the person who says it.
I'm not the only one of my friends who feels this way.
I have asked a couple of people not to call me that, and they have replied that they thought it was flattering.
Not so!
What do you think?
-- JENNY
THE UNWANTED ADVISOR SAYS:
Well, you must admit, “young lady” is certainly more polite than “pruny old battleaxe.”
However, I agree that people who greet other people as “young lady” and “young man” are beyond patronizing—they’re almost belittling. And there’s nothing more insulting than being huffed at that “they were only trying to flatter you”—as if, on top of being annoyed by the address, you’re now supposed to feel guilty about throwing their “gift” back in their faces.
Next time they say, “I thought it was flattering,” say, “When did sarcasm become flattering, pencil-dick?” Failing that, if you don’t like being compared to a young lady, you might want to change your name to Ethel—"Jenny" just isn’t an old lady name.
posted by Aaron at 10:21 AM
2 Comments:
The Dear Abby letter: You were right on Aaron. If she don't like her Mom's cooking ain't nobody making her eat it.
Dear Margo: I wonder if the calls Momma makes are long distance and expensive for an old girl on a fixed income. Since she knows her daughter is rolling in dough that may be why she expects her to pay for them, Hmmm?
Dear Miss Manners: If the old broad wants to wear pantyhose over her head tell her to go ahead. Who gives a shit if it's "appropriate" wear what you like and those who are aghast can look the other way.
Dear Ellie: To the daughter of Rude Mom; So do I does that embarass you too?
Dear Amy: This one makes me laugh until Coke comes out of my nose. (the soda not a drug) Pruny old battleaxe, have you considered becoming a stand up comic? LOL
DAmn it, I should have planted Rice or water cress. My garden is soaking wet and I can't even walk in it. It just isn't worth trying to grow fresh vegetables anymore. Have a nice weekend Young Man oops I mean Aaron sir. ed
I'll take "young man."
Dear Margo: The thought did occur to me that Momma might be on a fixed income, but the letter said they live a half hour away. Most calling plans have free long distance (even short-long distance) and offer weekend hours. Plus, she still has hubby living with her. It shouldn't be a hardship to at least take turns with her daughter to make a weekly call, if she's dissatisfied with the frequency. ("BE the change you want to see." --Mahatma Gandhi)
You are welcome to call me young man whenever you like...
Don't be too discouraged with the gardening. Hotter weather will be coming in a few weeks, and things should experience a big growth spurt then. My aunt's garden always does.
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