Thursday, March 15, 2007

Georgie--On The Sauce Again?

I saw this this morning on Lady Bunny's blog, which I visit regularly. At first I thought it was a joke, like Andy Borowitz, or "The Onion," but it appears to be on the level (or at least the blogger has a source that says it's true). Could it be? The Bush marriage on the rocks? Along with whatever George is guzzling?


March 13, 2007 --Our White House Press Corps sources report further disturbing news about President George W. Bush. Our sources have witnessed a clearly inebriated Bush approaching members of the press corps and making rude comments, including one particularly crude remark about First Lady Laura Bush. In that case, Bush, nodding toward Laura, called her a "c**t." While Bush's drinking is no secret to the White House press contingent, that particular comment was reportedly the worst they have heard uttered by Bush. Our sources also report that Laura Bush's stays at the White House are less frequent and that her overnight trips to the Mayflower Hotel often coincide with the president's drunken binges."

Could it be? The Bush marriage on the rocks? Along with whatever George is guzzling?

Oh well, each administration leaves its mark. The Kennedys gave us Camelot. The Bushes gave us Spamalot (oh, and a crushing burden of debt that will keep our descendants weighted down for generations to come. Forgot that part).

But the most important legacy of the Bush's Spamalot era will probably be some DVD full of retrospectively cute, folksy sound bites that some clever marketer in Sherman Oaks, CA can compile from the recorded footage of Bush's hundreds of verbal gaffes and sell to simple-minded elderly conservatives in about eight years, in much the same way they did for Ronald Reagan and then hawked on late-night TV during the late 80s, after he was out of office, and the sweet bloom of nostalgia had settled in (along with the cloggage in their arteries).

I'll be putting my advance order in shortly. How about you?

In the meantime, I'll be wondering when Laura's next trip to the Mayflower Hotel will be. In fact, I wonder if she even uses her own name during these visits. People might get suspicious after a while. So let's invent a name for her to use from now on (at least until she gets smart, divorces the bastard, and buys a house with a security guard to keep his drunken, crooning ass out while he sings to her upstairs window, a la George Gaines in "Tootsie").

I'll go first: how about "Flozella Butts"? It doesn't have any significance, other than that I thought of that name the very first time I saw her, and thought it suited her down to the ground (and certainly better than the track suit she appeared to be wearing at the time).

It's all out to you now, folks. Ideas? Suggestions? The First Lady is counting on you--as well as that secret midnight visit from Karl Rove at the Daisy Chain Hotel (or Midgefly Hotel, or whatever the hell it is).


Anonymous Ed said...

I knew they had to take the Pretzels away from bushie so he wouldn't choke to death in his drunken stupors. A name for Laura? Let me see. Anastasia Beaverhausen or more to her character Ima Stepford. I don't think she will ever divorce him, like me she is a wimp. Hey, it takes one to know one. LOL.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Johnny C said...

That's an amazing story... I can only hope and pray that it's true.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I hope it's true, too, Johnny! I mean, everyone already KNOWS he's an idiot, so that's no surprise. But--they think he's a good Christian idiot who's nice to his wife and wouldn't use words like that. This COULD turn them against's already getting out that he drinks. If the "cunt" episode gets out, his only hope might be to appear on the "700 Club" with Pat Robertson and cry for forgiveness--amid the stench of hair oil and polyester couch. The shame!

Ed, I like your suggestions. Although, I must point out that what some folks may call wimpiness, others see as a sign of strength and patience. You probably have lots more than I do! In Laura's case, though, I think it's just lack of ambition. Or maybe she sees in him a "lost little puppy" type. Too bad she doesn't realize how bad he needs a swift, hard kick.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Ed said...

Say Aaron, Dirk is letting his readers pick his next story to write about. 1. His dinner with gregg. 2. his night with Bruce. 3. a mama Mancuso / Trudy B. story. I voted for the bruce debaucle. Remember bruce was to tie dirk NAKED spread eagle to a bed in a hotel room for 4 hours. I didn't even know that had happened yet. I know nothing happened with gregg and Mama's story can wait. I'm trying to drum up support for the Bruce story. That little nerdy power monger makes me so mad that he can control dirk by being the only one who can fix his laptop. still I think it will be the best story.

10:35 PM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

This story has been running in the tabloids for the last couple of months and my mother swears it is true. How awful will it be if I have to admit to my mother that her garish rag papers are now printing the truth? Actually, not all that awful if it means public humiliation for Dubya.

Now regarding Laura's undercover name..."Anastasia Beaverhausen" is too well known at this point, so I'd say "Mimsy Shrimpton." Or "Sissy Doolittle -- of the Dallas-Fort Worth Doolittles."

(And Ed...look at you all trying to control the voting process to achieve the outcome you want. What are you, the governor of Florida?)

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Ed said...

Thanks Aaron your the best. Right now the score is four to four. What is wrong with these people. Like you said we can hear about Mama later and it will be funny but if dirk has actually been stripped and tied up in four hours of bondage under Bruce's control that is THE story. You and I both know how scared and sqeamish Dirk is about strangers. I think if he did submit to bruce that he must have strong feelings for him. There has to be a real Bond(age) between them. I know dirk has him on his speed dial. I think Bruce has more than Dirk in Bondage I think he owns his heart. Thanks again, Aaron. Hugs.

11:07 AM  
Blogger David said...

Poor Laura.

1:41 PM  
Blogger BC said...

If I were him I'd be drinking, too. A lot.

10:35 PM  

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