Since You Asked: Advice the Columnists Won't Give--Nov. 3, 2008 (Late) Edition
Yes, it's late...enjoy this installment of Since You Asked, but don't pig out--there'll be another one on Friday!
*********************
DEAR MARGO: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Things were fine until 10 years ago, when he started to have erectile dysfunction problems. Then he had a heart attack in 2000. Since then our life has been more like roommates despite all of my talks, pleas and anger about trying to get him to do something. Now he tells me to either get a lover or learn to live without. His parts are working, after getting Viagra from his doctor, but now he won't try. I am very upset. I love my husband and want to grow old with him. We are both in our 50s and still have a lot of life ahead of us. I have no idea where else to turn or what to do next.
--- CUT OFF AT THE PASS
SYA SAYS:
Well, if you really want to grow old with him, try backing off of constantly pressuring him for sex, or he might not LIVE to be old. Geez, I thought men were the ones who were oversexed. What caused that heart attack in 2000? Bet I can guess.
Viagra’s real groovy and everything, but it has been linked to circulatory problems if it’s overused, so I hope you’re not encouraging him to pop those things like M&Ms.
DEAR ELLIE: This year, I lost a good friend, my grandmother and my mother. And the love of my life left me. After 10 years married (I'm 32), I want a child, she doesn't. I filed for the big "D" as she requested. I've been in marriage counseling by myself, as she thought it was a waste of time and money.
You learn a lot about yourself and what kind of person you want to be. I'm a new man now, yet feel like an old shoe. Your advice?
--OLD SHOE
SYA SAYS:
Crack open a bottle of wine and celebrate. Any partner who ditches you during all this is no loss at all, and you’re well rid of her. Kudos to you for attending marriage counseling, which will give you better insight into the things you want in your next partner.
The reason you feel like an “old shoe” is because you feel discarded. Don’t worry—what goes around comes around. I have a feeling that ex-wifey will be entering a certain “leather purse” phase herself in a few years. Mmm-mmm-mmm, won’t she be a catch then?
DEAR ABBY: I work for a small, family-owned business. The owner has strong political views and insists on listening to a political talk show during the afternoon, with the volume turned up quite loud.
My boss assumes that his views are everyone else's and talks to customers as if his opinion is gospel. I have watched them roll their eyes and try to get away. I have worked here for three years, and I can't take it anymore. My co-workers say I can't say anything because he owns the business, and he can do whatever he wants. I have looked for another job, but this is a small town and jobs are scarce.
I think it's inappropriate to force one's political views on anyone, especially employees and customers. What's your take on this?
--FED UP IN NEW YORK
SYA SAYS:
Yep, it’s pretty obnoxious, but I’ve noticed that people of the particular political stripe that I’m guessing he belongs to spend lots of time pontificating to others about their views. Mainly because they sense (rightly so) that those others don’t share the same views, which leads them to a sense of angry desperation that everyone should be “converted.” Thus is born the O’Reillys, the Limbaughs and the Hannitys—a bunch of angry, ugly white guys who’re all vying for the mantle of Howard Beale. You remember him? He was the old white newscaster in that movie "Network" who went around yelling "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Yeah. All these hacks now think they identify with him now, because they're old and white, and they're always pissed off, even when government's been going their way for eight years (and they still can't get what they want?? Feeble).
However, since he owns the business, there’s nothing anyone can really do to make him stop. My guess is that it will probably slack off a bit after the election, since the official “pontification season” will be over then, for good or bad (depending on whom you support). If it doesn’t, and you can’t take it anymore, then you really need to look for another job, even if it’s outside your small town.
Which is probably a good idea anyway, since it’s unlikely this guy’s going to hang onto too many customers if they’re already rolling their eyes at him. Small-town business loyalty ain’t what it used to be—we have strip malls and cars now, and it’s impossible to resist the siren song of Wal-Mart and Target. He might be preaching to his four empty walls soon.
DEAR AMY: I am 20 years old and gay. I met a guy more than two years ago. We became friends and started hanging out. Within six months, we were living together—but not as a couple. I told him early on that I had feelings for him, and he shot me down. He made it clear that he was straight. After that, my feelings for him only grew. Now I really do believe that I am in love with him.
I've had crushes and obsessions before, but none of them compare to this.
He once sent me an e-mail saying that if he were gay, I would be his soul mate.
Recently, I told him that I was in love with him, and he told me that he isn't into guys, but then he started talking about us buying a house together, going on vacation to Hawaii together, getting a car together, etc.
In the time we've lived together, he hasn't had romantic relationships with females. My feelings for him are screwing up my life. I moved from a different state for him. I gave up my job, my school, the Marine Corps, my close friends and family for him.
I have never been this infatuated with any guy, nor have I received so many mixed signals in which to fuel my infatuation.
Should I cut off all ties to him and go back home or what?
—ANXIOUS
SYA SAYS:
It sounds like the Clue Train is pulling into the station, and you should definitely throw your bags on board and go home. This fuckwad sounds like he wants to string you along on hopes of some kind of future together, but doesn’t have enough decency to even define what that is—leaving you in a special kind of limbo, since he’s ruled out romantic partnership. Where exactly does that leave you? Tied up in a chaste, platonic relationship with all the responsibility of a partnership, but none of the reward? What the hell are you, a TeleTubby??
And yes, you should cut off all ties with him, if only because that’s all you can cut off without being prosecuted.
(Since you’re gay, however, I wouldn’t suggest going back to the Marines.)
*********************
DEAR MARGO: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Things were fine until 10 years ago, when he started to have erectile dysfunction problems. Then he had a heart attack in 2000. Since then our life has been more like roommates despite all of my talks, pleas and anger about trying to get him to do something. Now he tells me to either get a lover or learn to live without. His parts are working, after getting Viagra from his doctor, but now he won't try. I am very upset. I love my husband and want to grow old with him. We are both in our 50s and still have a lot of life ahead of us. I have no idea where else to turn or what to do next.
--- CUT OFF AT THE PASS
SYA SAYS:
Well, if you really want to grow old with him, try backing off of constantly pressuring him for sex, or he might not LIVE to be old. Geez, I thought men were the ones who were oversexed. What caused that heart attack in 2000? Bet I can guess.
Viagra’s real groovy and everything, but it has been linked to circulatory problems if it’s overused, so I hope you’re not encouraging him to pop those things like M&Ms.
DEAR ELLIE: This year, I lost a good friend, my grandmother and my mother. And the love of my life left me. After 10 years married (I'm 32), I want a child, she doesn't. I filed for the big "D" as she requested. I've been in marriage counseling by myself, as she thought it was a waste of time and money.
You learn a lot about yourself and what kind of person you want to be. I'm a new man now, yet feel like an old shoe. Your advice?
--OLD SHOE
SYA SAYS:
Crack open a bottle of wine and celebrate. Any partner who ditches you during all this is no loss at all, and you’re well rid of her. Kudos to you for attending marriage counseling, which will give you better insight into the things you want in your next partner.
The reason you feel like an “old shoe” is because you feel discarded. Don’t worry—what goes around comes around. I have a feeling that ex-wifey will be entering a certain “leather purse” phase herself in a few years. Mmm-mmm-mmm, won’t she be a catch then?
DEAR ABBY: I work for a small, family-owned business. The owner has strong political views and insists on listening to a political talk show during the afternoon, with the volume turned up quite loud.
My boss assumes that his views are everyone else's and talks to customers as if his opinion is gospel. I have watched them roll their eyes and try to get away. I have worked here for three years, and I can't take it anymore. My co-workers say I can't say anything because he owns the business, and he can do whatever he wants. I have looked for another job, but this is a small town and jobs are scarce.
I think it's inappropriate to force one's political views on anyone, especially employees and customers. What's your take on this?
--FED UP IN NEW YORK
SYA SAYS:
Yep, it’s pretty obnoxious, but I’ve noticed that people of the particular political stripe that I’m guessing he belongs to spend lots of time pontificating to others about their views. Mainly because they sense (rightly so) that those others don’t share the same views, which leads them to a sense of angry desperation that everyone should be “converted.” Thus is born the O’Reillys, the Limbaughs and the Hannitys—a bunch of angry, ugly white guys who’re all vying for the mantle of Howard Beale. You remember him? He was the old white newscaster in that movie "Network" who went around yelling "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Yeah. All these hacks now think they identify with him now, because they're old and white, and they're always pissed off, even when government's been going their way for eight years (and they still can't get what they want?? Feeble).
However, since he owns the business, there’s nothing anyone can really do to make him stop. My guess is that it will probably slack off a bit after the election, since the official “pontification season” will be over then, for good or bad (depending on whom you support). If it doesn’t, and you can’t take it anymore, then you really need to look for another job, even if it’s outside your small town.
Which is probably a good idea anyway, since it’s unlikely this guy’s going to hang onto too many customers if they’re already rolling their eyes at him. Small-town business loyalty ain’t what it used to be—we have strip malls and cars now, and it’s impossible to resist the siren song of Wal-Mart and Target. He might be preaching to his four empty walls soon.
DEAR AMY: I am 20 years old and gay. I met a guy more than two years ago. We became friends and started hanging out. Within six months, we were living together—but not as a couple. I told him early on that I had feelings for him, and he shot me down. He made it clear that he was straight. After that, my feelings for him only grew. Now I really do believe that I am in love with him.
I've had crushes and obsessions before, but none of them compare to this.
He once sent me an e-mail saying that if he were gay, I would be his soul mate.
Recently, I told him that I was in love with him, and he told me that he isn't into guys, but then he started talking about us buying a house together, going on vacation to Hawaii together, getting a car together, etc.
In the time we've lived together, he hasn't had romantic relationships with females. My feelings for him are screwing up my life. I moved from a different state for him. I gave up my job, my school, the Marine Corps, my close friends and family for him.
I have never been this infatuated with any guy, nor have I received so many mixed signals in which to fuel my infatuation.
Should I cut off all ties to him and go back home or what?
—ANXIOUS
SYA SAYS:
It sounds like the Clue Train is pulling into the station, and you should definitely throw your bags on board and go home. This fuckwad sounds like he wants to string you along on hopes of some kind of future together, but doesn’t have enough decency to even define what that is—leaving you in a special kind of limbo, since he’s ruled out romantic partnership. Where exactly does that leave you? Tied up in a chaste, platonic relationship with all the responsibility of a partnership, but none of the reward? What the hell are you, a TeleTubby??
And yes, you should cut off all ties with him, if only because that’s all you can cut off without being prosecuted.
(Since you’re gay, however, I wouldn’t suggest going back to the Marines.)
posted by Aaron at 7:45 AM
1 Comments:
I feel for that last guy. I've fallin in love with a straight guy or two over the years. They are so very cute and even fun to spend time with but we have to keep telling ourselves they are straight. Don't look back with regrets it's time to move on.
I too have worked for a loudmouthed Republican who can't stand the idea that we don't all agree with him. The obnly thing to do is find a new job. This blowhard will never change.
I can't wait for more SYA this Friday, Aaron. With the Pumpkin I meant to say Joan Collins but Alexis Carrington would not be amused. ed
Post a Comment
<< Home