Aaron's Rotten Advice-Friday the 13th ("My Hockey Mask is at the Cleaner's") Edition
DEAR AMY: I am a single parent of three children: one teenage boy and two adolescent girls.
My girlfriend of one year is also a single parent. When I was at her house, her 11-year-old son used the toilet without closing the door. I asked him politely if he could do me a favor when my daughters were there and just close the door.
He answered, "No. I have never closed the door, and I will not start now."
He refuses to use his seat belt in the car and refuses to do chores around the house. Both he and his older brother are very disrespectful to their mother and other authority figures.
She submits to their demands, saying she doesn't want to listen to them complain. She asks me why they don't respect her, but disregards any of my solutions.
I feel very uncomfortable trying to correct what I think is unacceptable behavior of someone else's children, and I don't want my children exposed to this.
How should I handle this?
The simple answer is to break up with the woman — or I could limit my children's contact with her children, but she wants us to vacation together with all the children along, and we are very much in love.
— GOOD PARENTING SKILLS 101?
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
You’d better be REAL in love with this woman if you’re gonna let her kid stink up your house for the rest of his childhood. In fact, I don’t think that’ll be enough. So you’d better tell Nature Boy to go pitch a tent in the back yard, and he can crap outside to his heart’s content. He can also hunt for bugs and berries to eat, since you won't be buying his groceries anymore. Let's see what a "rebel" he is after a week in the sticker bushes.
And if you’re really “very much in love” with this ditz, the biggest favor you can do her is to make her kids follow your rules when they’re in your house. It may seem heavy-handed, but an ounce of discipline now is better than a pound of police record later.
DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old daughter, “Meg,” has severe eczema. She’s highly allergic to a long list of things, including dogs.
Recently, at a basketball court and at an outdoor restaurant, we encountered some dog owners who refused to pull their dogs back after I informed them about her allergy. Both said, “It’s a public place!” as if my daughter should not be in public. One man even argued that my child “couldn’t possibly” be allergic to his poodle.
Other than avoiding public areas that are dog friendly, and pulling my daughter away, what can I do?
-- MOM KNOWS BEST, IRVINE, CALIF.
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
I would have reminded those two needle-dicks that it is, indeed, a public place, and as such, the public (as in the human beings) have as much right to it as the animals. Maybe more, since they’re paying the taxes for its upkeep. I doubt Fido can write a check. I love dogs, and well-behaved ones are a joy to be around, but if one of those slobbering gremlins steals food from my plate at an outdoor restaurant, it will be the last thing he ever does.
Bring a vacuum cleaner with you the next time. I guarantee those dogs will give you a very wide berth.
DEAR ELLIE: My boyfriend of several years and I built a relationship of love, mutual respect and trust. I have a child with whom he's formed a strong bond, and we plan to all live together.
But I'm weary from how long everything's taking, and why. He's heavily reliant on his parents. He's been poor with money in the past (has debt), and still wastes money.
As an unsupported single parent, I must be extremely careful financially; I work very hard for very little. His work is sporadic; he can go for months unemployed...times when he's even less careful with money.
He's living with his parents. They continue to help him and then grumble to me! He's helpful in many ways, but I'm scared we'll always be struggling with money.
He says I'll always be a good influence on him, which suggests I'll be worrying about money while he's spending it. I want him to sort this out prior to moving together, so I can feel secure. Should I keep waiting?
--CONCERNED
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Hell, no. This guy’s never going to grow up and be responsible, because he doesn’t have to—he has everything just the way he wants it now. That “good influence” bullshit sounds nice until he’s lying in bed at noon and you’re trying to change the sheets around him.
You already have one kid—you don’t need another one moving in with you.
DEAR MARGO: I need your opinion (or help). At the beginning of last summer’s vacation, I made a small mistake in telling my wife she looked a little on the fat side, a mistake I repeated throughout that summer. To make a long story short, my wife went on a diet when we returned home, and over the course of almost a year, she has lost a tremendous amount of weight. Now the problem is that she won’t quit.
Every time I tell her she should stop and maybe put a few pounds back on, she gets angry and says, "Why? So you can call me fat again?" I admit I tease her about some of the things she eats, but it’s not meant to be mean or anything. My wife isn’t anorexic, but the way she’s going, I’m afraid she may be headed in that direction. Please tell me what to do before the weight loss escalates and becomes a problem.
--WORRIED HUSBAND OF A TOO-THIN WIFE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Gladly: drop dead.
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s already a “problem.” And you didn’t help matters any with your diplomacy, Kissinger. Oh, and don’t think you’re bullshitting anyone with that “mistake” crap. Telling her she looked a little fat the first time was a “mistake” (and not a "small" one, as you keep deluding yourself—that was a big one—have you NEVER seen “Family Court?”); repeating it throughout the summer was deliberate and sadistic, and you’re now reaping what you've sown.
I feel sorry for your wife, and I’d love to see what you look like, Gomer. I hope she's just skinny enough to puncture your spleen with one of her bony hips some night.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems I am in a constant scandalized state when I am out in public. Women of all ages and sizes seem to proudly display their bra straps or go braless. On top of all that, there seems to be no shame in displaying fat rolls and G-strings. Why aren’t they wearing body-appropriate clothing and keeping the undergarments under something? Am I in the wrong or are these “ladies” missing the boat?
--MY ROCK GIVES GREAT SHADE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
I agree that people have given up on body-appropriate attire and it’s not always pleasant to be confronted with someone’s fish-belly-white muffin top over the waistband of their jeans, but this has been going on for years now. If you’re still "scandalized" by it, you must have come freshly from the Victorian era, Ebenezer.
So I have another shock for you: they have motorized carriages now. No more horsies!
My girlfriend of one year is also a single parent. When I was at her house, her 11-year-old son used the toilet without closing the door. I asked him politely if he could do me a favor when my daughters were there and just close the door.
He answered, "No. I have never closed the door, and I will not start now."
He refuses to use his seat belt in the car and refuses to do chores around the house. Both he and his older brother are very disrespectful to their mother and other authority figures.
She submits to their demands, saying she doesn't want to listen to them complain. She asks me why they don't respect her, but disregards any of my solutions.
I feel very uncomfortable trying to correct what I think is unacceptable behavior of someone else's children, and I don't want my children exposed to this.
How should I handle this?
The simple answer is to break up with the woman — or I could limit my children's contact with her children, but she wants us to vacation together with all the children along, and we are very much in love.
— GOOD PARENTING SKILLS 101?
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
You’d better be REAL in love with this woman if you’re gonna let her kid stink up your house for the rest of his childhood. In fact, I don’t think that’ll be enough. So you’d better tell Nature Boy to go pitch a tent in the back yard, and he can crap outside to his heart’s content. He can also hunt for bugs and berries to eat, since you won't be buying his groceries anymore. Let's see what a "rebel" he is after a week in the sticker bushes.
And if you’re really “very much in love” with this ditz, the biggest favor you can do her is to make her kids follow your rules when they’re in your house. It may seem heavy-handed, but an ounce of discipline now is better than a pound of police record later.
DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old daughter, “Meg,” has severe eczema. She’s highly allergic to a long list of things, including dogs.
Recently, at a basketball court and at an outdoor restaurant, we encountered some dog owners who refused to pull their dogs back after I informed them about her allergy. Both said, “It’s a public place!” as if my daughter should not be in public. One man even argued that my child “couldn’t possibly” be allergic to his poodle.
Other than avoiding public areas that are dog friendly, and pulling my daughter away, what can I do?
-- MOM KNOWS BEST, IRVINE, CALIF.
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
I would have reminded those two needle-dicks that it is, indeed, a public place, and as such, the public (as in the human beings) have as much right to it as the animals. Maybe more, since they’re paying the taxes for its upkeep. I doubt Fido can write a check. I love dogs, and well-behaved ones are a joy to be around, but if one of those slobbering gremlins steals food from my plate at an outdoor restaurant, it will be the last thing he ever does.
Bring a vacuum cleaner with you the next time. I guarantee those dogs will give you a very wide berth.
DEAR ELLIE: My boyfriend of several years and I built a relationship of love, mutual respect and trust. I have a child with whom he's formed a strong bond, and we plan to all live together.
But I'm weary from how long everything's taking, and why. He's heavily reliant on his parents. He's been poor with money in the past (has debt), and still wastes money.
As an unsupported single parent, I must be extremely careful financially; I work very hard for very little. His work is sporadic; he can go for months unemployed...times when he's even less careful with money.
He's living with his parents. They continue to help him and then grumble to me! He's helpful in many ways, but I'm scared we'll always be struggling with money.
He says I'll always be a good influence on him, which suggests I'll be worrying about money while he's spending it. I want him to sort this out prior to moving together, so I can feel secure. Should I keep waiting?
--CONCERNED
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Hell, no. This guy’s never going to grow up and be responsible, because he doesn’t have to—he has everything just the way he wants it now. That “good influence” bullshit sounds nice until he’s lying in bed at noon and you’re trying to change the sheets around him.
You already have one kid—you don’t need another one moving in with you.
DEAR MARGO: I need your opinion (or help). At the beginning of last summer’s vacation, I made a small mistake in telling my wife she looked a little on the fat side, a mistake I repeated throughout that summer. To make a long story short, my wife went on a diet when we returned home, and over the course of almost a year, she has lost a tremendous amount of weight. Now the problem is that she won’t quit.
Every time I tell her she should stop and maybe put a few pounds back on, she gets angry and says, "Why? So you can call me fat again?" I admit I tease her about some of the things she eats, but it’s not meant to be mean or anything. My wife isn’t anorexic, but the way she’s going, I’m afraid she may be headed in that direction. Please tell me what to do before the weight loss escalates and becomes a problem.
--WORRIED HUSBAND OF A TOO-THIN WIFE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Gladly: drop dead.
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s already a “problem.” And you didn’t help matters any with your diplomacy, Kissinger. Oh, and don’t think you’re bullshitting anyone with that “mistake” crap. Telling her she looked a little fat the first time was a “mistake” (and not a "small" one, as you keep deluding yourself—that was a big one—have you NEVER seen “Family Court?”); repeating it throughout the summer was deliberate and sadistic, and you’re now reaping what you've sown.
I feel sorry for your wife, and I’d love to see what you look like, Gomer. I hope she's just skinny enough to puncture your spleen with one of her bony hips some night.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems I am in a constant scandalized state when I am out in public. Women of all ages and sizes seem to proudly display their bra straps or go braless. On top of all that, there seems to be no shame in displaying fat rolls and G-strings. Why aren’t they wearing body-appropriate clothing and keeping the undergarments under something? Am I in the wrong or are these “ladies” missing the boat?
--MY ROCK GIVES GREAT SHADE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
I agree that people have given up on body-appropriate attire and it’s not always pleasant to be confronted with someone’s fish-belly-white muffin top over the waistband of their jeans, but this has been going on for years now. If you’re still "scandalized" by it, you must have come freshly from the Victorian era, Ebenezer.
So I have another shock for you: they have motorized carriages now. No more horsies!
posted by Aaron at 4:32 PM
3 Comments:
It seems to occur to me that so many people, men and women, fall in love with someone who is so wrong for them. They seem to think they will change the other person or overlook the flaws. Case in point: The guy who is dating a woman with two unruly sons. He is asking Dear Amy how he can change the woman and her sons so he can stand to be around them. And the lady who wrote to Dear Ellie that complained her perfect boyfriend seemed to be happy with the way things are when she wants him to change and be the guy she is looking for. Then the Dear Margo guy who wanted his wife to be skinny but now wants her to gain a few pounds. Is it any wonder that more than half of all marriages end in divorce? Sometimes I am thankful that Gays can't marry in my state, until there is a better way of choosing a spouse there should be a law against marriage for everybody, IMHO. Ted
Well, not much good seems to come of it these days, that's for sure!
I love Tedward's comments. I joke that we (gays) have as much right to marry and be miserable as the rest of society. The truth is that my partner and I would marry in a second if we could and if it was recognized in Penisylvania and if it gave us rights as a marriage or civil union should.
I was married (to a woman), divorced, was left by my male partner after 10 years, got mixed up with a selfish, narcissistic, lazy, way too young for me slob then finally realized that I deserve better and should take my chances and keep looking until I found him. And by gum if that isn't what eventually happened!
I gave my son some of the best advice he'll never heed on Sunday when I told him "listen, I'm going to tell you something about marriage. It's easy to get into and very hard to get out of."
I hope he hears those words BEFORE it's too late. I think couples get caught up in the frenzy of marriage. They see everyone else getting married, they want the pomp and attention, they don't think it through because they don't really know themselves or each other or have the confidence to stand up alone etc. Marriage is like children, you don't have them because of what you think it'll do for you. If that's what you think, there is something else missing in your life and you need to face it first.
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