Monday, January 28, 2008

With "Friends" Like These

OK, girls you can stop now. I mean it. Enough is enough.

I'm frequently bombarded with "friend requests" on MySpace from people I don't know. And that's OK with me, because it's a chance to forge a bond with someone I haven't met yet, but who perhaps knows a mutual friend, sees that I'm interested in music, or we have a common interest, etc.

But then, there are the ones I've come to refer to as "hoochie-mama calls."

Now, these are the majority of the ones I receive, and usually they're from some girl named "Kaitlin," "Evie," "Bertha" or "Queenie," always featuring some girl in a bikini with her boobs popping out or wearing a seductive (well, to some people I suppose) pout, with her finger in her mouth, or sucking on one strand of hair. But I got this one today from some creature named "Heloise," and it's just the limit:

Friend Request

I don't think there's anything on earth less likely to make me want to get to know this person better. How do such people find me?? No shit, I really want to know! They certainly can't be doing profile searches, because if they had, they'd see that my particular muffin is not buttered on their side. My profile pretty clearly states that I'm a 'mo. How many times must I say it?

So, "Heloise," here's a "helpful hint" for you, and please pass it along to all of your addle-brained girlfriends, too: don't waste your time. Their are millions of socially alienated college guys you could be scamming, and they might be desperate or horny enough to take the bait. And another thing--I don't want to "click here" to see your surgically-enhanced naughty pics. If I were interested in plastic, I could inflate my own playmate.

Thanks a heap anyway.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just go to the left hand column and click on Trash! Truer words were never spoken. I think these hoochie mamas are being sent to you by a large corporation. When you click to see the naughty photos (and you know you want to) two things happen, they try to get you to join for a small recurring fee and they know they have hit paydirt and you have an active e-mail address. (which they can sell to other companies) Ed

6:53 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I'm fortunate on MySpace in that now, in the body of the message with the picture, there are three buttons: Approve, Deny and Spam. Spam automatically reports the profile to MySpace and frequently those profiles disappear.

Only to return a few days later under another name, no doubt. But they couldn't find a less likely pigeon than me--I think they're gross.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Stephen Rader said...

I get these requests all the time and I despise them. I even despise them when they are from the male counter-parts of these hoochie-tramps. I'll never understand this whole MySpace, Facebook thing. If you're my friend, you're my friend. If I don't know you, I don't want to be your friend. It's just that simple!!! Oy...

5:12 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I've seen the "spimbos" ("spam bimbos"), too. Their profiles ALWAYS, ALWAYS say the following:

"I'm a low-key chill kind of guy."

What the hell? "Chill" kind of guy? Does that mean that they sleep in the fridge? In a mausoleum? Either way, my fetishes aren't so extreme. Yikesies.

11:01 PM  
Blogger Johnny C said...

The creepiest ones are the 16 year old boys who want to be my special friend. I usually quickly delete those knowing that that they are all bait for pedaphiles.

11:54 AM  

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