Aaron's Rotten Advice: May 20, 2011 ("For You, It's Rapture, For Me, It's RUPTURE") Edition
DEAR AMY: I have always had a close relationship with my in-laws, dating back 22 years. Recently, my sister-in-law (who is a recovering drug addict) decided to live in one of my in-laws' homes along with her boyfriend.
For more than 15 years, my husband and I and our now-teenage children have visited these in-laws for our yearly family vacation. We found out that this boyfriend was recently arrested for beating my sister-in-law.
In the past, he has been arrested for assault, fraud and drug possession with the intent to sell (he was in prison for this). He recently relapsed and has been caught with cocaine in his vehicle.
My husband decided we should not bring the children in close contact with this man. We asked my in-laws to make sure that we would have no contact with him when we visited. They declined.
We then canceled our much-cherished family trip, and they have cut off contact with my husband and me. I am distraught. Any suggestions on how to repair this?
— SAD DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Forget it. Go to Disney World this year instead. As far as your in-laws, if they choose to let this scumbag live in their house and beat their daughter, more fool they. If they ever want to know what eventually happens to people who allow dangerous felons free reign around their home, tell them to Google “Madalyn Murray O’Hair.”
DEAR ABBY: “Maya” and I competed throughout high school. We shared common interests. Even friends, who would blow me off to hang out with her.
We were involved in speech and debate and were nominated for the girls’ state team. I was deemed “too qualified,” so Maya got the nomination. She ran against me for speech president and I won by a huge margin.
Later, to my chagrin, I discovered we’d be going to the same college. I was told I’d probably never see her because of the large campus. Well, last semester she joined two activities I’m involved in. We rushed for a prestigious pre- law organization. She was accepted; I wasn’t.
Maya is pretty, popular and charming. After all these coincidences, we’ll probably end up in the same law firm. What can I do to stop feeling so awful about myself as Maya continues to take away all the things I care about most?
-- TIRED OF SECOND PLACE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Don’t get your panties bunched, Romy. It’s a fact of life that pretty people have an easier time of it—yes, I know this to my everlasting, bitter chagrin—but look at it this way: you’re still in college. Some day, you’ll both be old. Let’s see how popular she is when she’s standing on her own boobs.
DEAR ELLIE: At 21, I was a virgin by intention, and had only been in a brief relationship with one person until I met my now ex-boyfriend. He was my age, had only had one brief relationship, and was also a virgin.
I felt so comfortable, unpressured, and completely happy with him. After two months of dating we decided to be each other's "firsts." Our relationship continued to develop, but finding time together between work and school became difficult.
We grew apart; he'd disappear for weeks. Eventually, he sent me an email saying he was no longer committed to our relationship and it's best if we move on. After a week of not reaching him, I replied, agreeing.
Several months later, I can't get over him. I cry constantly and can't sleep. I'm feeling that the only way to get over him is to talk to him face to face. But would that be smart?
-LOST
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
No. For “time together between work and school became difficult,” read “he lost interest after you gave it up to him because he’s a prick.” If you see him in person now, you’ll just end up slugging him.
You know what? On second thought, call him. And call me right afterwards so I can bring my video camera.
DEAR MARGO: Two years post-divorce, I have been trying to date again. A nice man I have much in common with told me in October that he'd like to get to know me better, but nothing has come of it. Instead, he spends hours texting without trying to set up any sort of a date, sends inappropriate texts for the level of relationship we have, refuses to reveal his schedule or anything else that might aid in our dating -- or in getting to know each other at all, for that matter.
After four months of waiting, I feel that I should just move on. It seems that texting is the only relationship he has to offer. This is so sad. Can anything here be saved?
-- SICK OF TEXTS
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Yeah--your sanity. You can do this by sending him one last message: “c ya, d-bag.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS – A relative of mine sent me a link to a web page containing what looks like an invitation to the wedding of another relative. I am nonplussed, because this web page says things like, “thank you for participating in our wedding,” and “all are invited to our rehearsal dinner at such-and-such on the evening before.”
The bride, a CLOSER relative than the one who sent me this link, has NOT told me or my wife that we are requested or invited, yet this is the second time a relative has told us about this wedding.
They DO know that we are financially challenged and it would be a considerable expense for us to travel to the wedding thousands of miles away, yet we STILL have received no word from the bride herself for whom I am a very close relative. How on earth should I/we respond to such an indirect invitation?
--WALLFLOWER
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
You don’t. Since you didn’t get the link from the bride herself, there’s no reason to assume you are invited. Look at it this way: now you’re not on the hook for a gift.
For more than 15 years, my husband and I and our now-teenage children have visited these in-laws for our yearly family vacation. We found out that this boyfriend was recently arrested for beating my sister-in-law.
In the past, he has been arrested for assault, fraud and drug possession with the intent to sell (he was in prison for this). He recently relapsed and has been caught with cocaine in his vehicle.
My husband decided we should not bring the children in close contact with this man. We asked my in-laws to make sure that we would have no contact with him when we visited. They declined.
We then canceled our much-cherished family trip, and they have cut off contact with my husband and me. I am distraught. Any suggestions on how to repair this?
— SAD DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Forget it. Go to Disney World this year instead. As far as your in-laws, if they choose to let this scumbag live in their house and beat their daughter, more fool they. If they ever want to know what eventually happens to people who allow dangerous felons free reign around their home, tell them to Google “Madalyn Murray O’Hair.”
DEAR ABBY: “Maya” and I competed throughout high school. We shared common interests. Even friends, who would blow me off to hang out with her.
We were involved in speech and debate and were nominated for the girls’ state team. I was deemed “too qualified,” so Maya got the nomination. She ran against me for speech president and I won by a huge margin.
Later, to my chagrin, I discovered we’d be going to the same college. I was told I’d probably never see her because of the large campus. Well, last semester she joined two activities I’m involved in. We rushed for a prestigious pre- law organization. She was accepted; I wasn’t.
Maya is pretty, popular and charming. After all these coincidences, we’ll probably end up in the same law firm. What can I do to stop feeling so awful about myself as Maya continues to take away all the things I care about most?
-- TIRED OF SECOND PLACE
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Don’t get your panties bunched, Romy. It’s a fact of life that pretty people have an easier time of it—yes, I know this to my everlasting, bitter chagrin—but look at it this way: you’re still in college. Some day, you’ll both be old. Let’s see how popular she is when she’s standing on her own boobs.
DEAR ELLIE: At 21, I was a virgin by intention, and had only been in a brief relationship with one person until I met my now ex-boyfriend. He was my age, had only had one brief relationship, and was also a virgin.
I felt so comfortable, unpressured, and completely happy with him. After two months of dating we decided to be each other's "firsts." Our relationship continued to develop, but finding time together between work and school became difficult.
We grew apart; he'd disappear for weeks. Eventually, he sent me an email saying he was no longer committed to our relationship and it's best if we move on. After a week of not reaching him, I replied, agreeing.
Several months later, I can't get over him. I cry constantly and can't sleep. I'm feeling that the only way to get over him is to talk to him face to face. But would that be smart?
-LOST
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
No. For “time together between work and school became difficult,” read “he lost interest after you gave it up to him because he’s a prick.” If you see him in person now, you’ll just end up slugging him.
You know what? On second thought, call him. And call me right afterwards so I can bring my video camera.
DEAR MARGO: Two years post-divorce, I have been trying to date again. A nice man I have much in common with told me in October that he'd like to get to know me better, but nothing has come of it. Instead, he spends hours texting without trying to set up any sort of a date, sends inappropriate texts for the level of relationship we have, refuses to reveal his schedule or anything else that might aid in our dating -- or in getting to know each other at all, for that matter.
After four months of waiting, I feel that I should just move on. It seems that texting is the only relationship he has to offer. This is so sad. Can anything here be saved?
-- SICK OF TEXTS
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
Yeah--your sanity. You can do this by sending him one last message: “c ya, d-bag.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS – A relative of mine sent me a link to a web page containing what looks like an invitation to the wedding of another relative. I am nonplussed, because this web page says things like, “thank you for participating in our wedding,” and “all are invited to our rehearsal dinner at such-and-such on the evening before.”
The bride, a CLOSER relative than the one who sent me this link, has NOT told me or my wife that we are requested or invited, yet this is the second time a relative has told us about this wedding.
They DO know that we are financially challenged and it would be a considerable expense for us to travel to the wedding thousands of miles away, yet we STILL have received no word from the bride herself for whom I am a very close relative. How on earth should I/we respond to such an indirect invitation?
--WALLFLOWER
AARON’S ROTTEN ADVICE:
You don’t. Since you didn’t get the link from the bride herself, there’s no reason to assume you are invited. Look at it this way: now you’re not on the hook for a gift.
posted by Aaron at 5:46 PM
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