Is It Safe To Go Home...?

I'm just wondering what they consider "the area" to be. This is two blocks away from my building, so I hope they catch this guy before it's time to go home tonight.

(Of course, I have Joans rehearsal, so I'll be getting home later anyway. Oh never mind, this guy'll be drinking his own urine by then.)

Toot-Toot--HEEEEEYYY, Beep-Beep!

Chicago Police are SO desperate for arrests now that they're collaring family men for solicitation--WITH their families present.

Wow, this must mean that they're really bored. And that must mean that all those pesky gang murders, drug deals and domestic violence have all been taken care of. Boy, they must've really cleaned up the city.

Well done, Chicago Police!

Aren't You Supposed to Put The Condom Directly ON?

AP Photo by Ron Edmonds.

Those wacky White House Republicans know how to have fun, too!

But apparently, they ran out of toilet paper (Laura's been doing arts and crafts lately), so they covered Karl Rove's car in plastic wrap instead.

Ironically, the smell of onions and flatulence was still noticeable. Must not have been Saran Wrap! When WILL they learn to stay away from those generic brands?

But Will She Spend It All In One Place?

Like all insufferable, fussy, rich old bitches, Leona Helmsley doted on her dog. (Who else could stand her, after all?) But this particular lucky dog, a Maltese named Trouble, gets $12 million! The lucky pooch.

*sigh* Watch her spend it all on spa treatments and plastic surgery. Just like mommy.

She leaves her brother Alvin millions to care for the dog and millions for two of her grandchildren (as long as they visit their father's grave at least once a year, which is probably more often than she did). Her other two grandkids receive absolutely nothing "for reasons that are well known to them."

How'dya like that? Even in death, the Queen of Mean is stealing lines...from someone who said them much better 30 years earlier.

Now that the last intrigue of this wretch's life has been played out, maybe we can stop hearing about her and looking at those fugly pictures. I don't want to see those Halloween wax lips in the news anymore (not to mention those out-of-control, Vulcan-looking, Judge Judy eyebrows).

Another Ceremonial Step-Down

Well, the country finally got its way, albeit after Christmas, so to speak.

In Gonzales' resignation speech, the son of migrants said that even his worst days as Attorney General were "better than his fathers' best days."

Easier, yes, without a doubt. But better?

No, Alberto. Because as a migrant worker, your father spent those days doing honest hard work. You, on the other hand have spent most of your days lately undermining the Constitution, that "quaint" document as you called it, that guarantees the rights of our citizens to live without being intimidated by their own government. You know, the only thing that separates our society from the rest of the world? The thing that makes us a "free country" and therefore, "the best place in the world to live", according to so many? And the reason that your father brought you and your family here for a better life in the first place?

Why don't you ask HIM how he thinks your days went?

As for Bush, he was "reluctant" to accept Gonzales' resignation. Understandably, he wasn't eager to do so--it's getting harder and harder to find good stooges to take pratfalls for him and Cheney these days.

A Republican Tragedy

You see, they're turning on each other already.

As much as I deplore the tragedy, I have to marvel at the choice of the word "roommate" to describe Abrami. I mean, come on, Gonzalez was 39 and his "roommate" was 36--this ain't exactly "Bosom Buddies" here. And after being the executive director of an entire state's Republican Party (in a region where Republicans are as popular as peaches), can you really imagine him taking a job that WOULDN'T allow him to afford his own house?

"Roommate," indeed...

Oh Well, At Least I Have Old Age To Look Forward To (If I Make It)

Old people are officially happier than we are.

Check out the "Money Isn't Everything" paragraph. There it is! In black and white: money doesn't buy happiness! Now there's a scientific study that says it. (And forget "buying your own kind of misery"--who the fuck wants to spend money on THAT?)

And now that there's Viagra, we don't even have to worry about our joysticks not working anymore!

Ahhh, to be old...at last...

We Can Find Other Friends...

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki doesn't need us. After a U.S. report critical of the Iraqi government, Maliki says he can find other friends--like Iran and Syria.

Since he's going to do that anyway, I say fuck it. Let him "make new friends," and let's bring our kids home. I'm sure their families will be glad to see them, since they've spent so many years making the sacrifices that Bush and Co. haven't had to.

And then, since they're here, they can do a better job defending us from the "terrorism-on-our-soil" that the conservative hawks will no doubt convince everyone is inevitably going to result from the pullout.

White House: Your Quaint Little Laws Don't Apply to Us

The latest in the King Kong George secrecy saga...

Uh-Oh! The Old Boy Network Failed You This Time! Boo-Hoo...

Photo from Aug. 21, 2007 Chicago Tribune.

Poor George Ryan. The federal appellate court no longer operates under the "slap-on-the-back/wink-and-a-nod" system, and Georgie's verdict stands.

Don't drop the soap.

Bells and Smells (of Hypocrisy)

(OK, the title metaphor applies to the Catholic church, but they're just as bad, so it still works.)

I never want to hear the Southern Baptists condemn gays again. EVER. They clearly have no business doing so.

I particularly love that parishioner Kirkpatrick left the church after the new pastor, who'd been divorced, got remarried and said "a pastor should be the husband of one wife." I bet he'd allow remarriage for himself. Hypocritical asswipe.

That was also the one who said "Baptists believe in forgiveness." For child predators, apparently, but not anybody else.

The upside is that, since they boycott Disney, I won't have to worry about looking at their ugly mugs in It's A Small World.

The Joans Are Staging A Mutiny!

Well, actually, we're PLAYING AT The Mutiny on Friday, August 27:



We have two new songs! Never heard before (outside our rehearsal studio, that is).

The Mutiny is at 2428 N. Western Avenue, just north of Fullerton, near the Kennedy Expressway. Beers are cheap! Show starts at 10:00.

No cover!

If They Can Do THIS, Maybe They Can Resurrect The Captain And Tennille...

The marvels of modern science.

"Why Can't I Get, Just One...?"

I hate it when members of a band I like sue one another. It really works out better if they just have a murder/suicide pact--that way, they can avoid costly litigation altogether.

The fan whose "heart sank" when he heard "Blister In The Sun" used in the Wendy's commercial needs to up his dosage. Granted, the song doesn't exactly make one hungry for hamburgers, but get over yourself, freak! (But it reminds me of the scene in "The Doors" when they're watching TV and the Ford commercial comes on and the actors are singing "Light My Fire." Morrison just looks at his bandmates and they say, "We couldn't get hold of you.")

Art Imitates Life?

Cool cartoon from Dana Summers of the Orlando Sentinel this morning:


Hands up anybody who DOESN'T wish they had a really sharp needle right now...

Don't Let The Doorknob Hit Ya...

...on the way out, you fat son of a bitch.




(AP file photo)

"Oh, I Wish I Was--Not Getting A Ticket Right Now!"

(Photo by Kevin Pang of the Chicago Tribune.)

Just a funny little story: yesterday morning, a colleague and I were headed down to Columbia College for an event, and we saw an odd sight.

At the time, we didn't realize it was being ticketed. We thought perhaps it was making a visit to our building. But, alas, no...

Too bad. THAT would have been more exciting than the time Bono came!

Obnoxious AND unaccountable

Nancy Grace is a snatch.

There. I said it.

Vedder To Be Quiet?

Pearl Jam's webcast went great until Eddie Vedder criticized the Chimp-in-Chief. Then, suddenly it cut out! *GASP*

No! It couldn't be!

AT&T says it was an honest mistake, but c'mon, who're we kidding? Losing half the show would have been an honest mistake--a calamitous one, but at least one that didn't appear to have been deliberate. But how stupid do we have to be to keep falling for the "whoops-my-hand-slipped" argument when it comes to targeted censorship by the big corporations that have Bush's pecker in their pocket (and vice versa)?

"Fit for Duty"

I can't say it any better than this article, so I won't try to.

I have to say, however, it seems interesting that the President suffered, however briefly, from a disease caused by bloodsucking ticks.

Does anbody else see the irony?

Duly 'Noted'

Last night, The Joans played a set in a 4-band lineup at The Note in Bucktown. The offer came up rather suddenly, and we weren't 100 percent sure we were going to do it until yesterday. At first, I was less than excited, because we were fourth in the lineup and were scheduled to start at 11:30PM. Yes. 11:30PM on a school night! And often with multiple-band lineups, not every band starts right at their scheduled time--there's set-up and tear-down time to figure in, too. I was looking at getting home around 2:30AM, and I had a feeling I'd be dragging this morning, so I told my bosses that I might be in after 9:00 (I didn't say HOW long after--my usual start time is 8:30).

I drove to work and then afterwards went to Taylor's house to pick up my drums, and totally scaring the shit out of Kenny, his visiting friend who was doing laundry in the basement. I got the drums loaded in pretty good time, though, and got down to Bucktown within 25 minutes (not bad for rush hour). I found a parking spot right on Milwaukee Ave. about a half block away from The Note. I noticed other bands starting to load in, so when the others got there a few minutes later, we started taking our stuff in. I'd never been inside before--it's a pretty nice place!

By the time we got all set up and I was taking everything in, started getting more excited. The Note has a terrific stage, and a great sound system. The sound check went smoothly and the sound guy was really meticulous and painstaking. The only problem I ever noticed was that it was hard at times to hear some of the vocals during the performances, but that was due to the high volume of the music, I think. And those other kids rock harder than we old Joans do!

The bands were The Start, a nifty electro-rock band with an intense sound, and Misfortune 500, a rock band out of Athens, GA whose lead singer/guitarist had a very Bono-esque quality to his voice. It was all very enjoyable to listen to (when I wasn't outside smoking and biting my nails--I really should pick one bad habit and stick to that, shouldn't I?)

One of the bands didn't show up, so Misfortune 500 and The Start played slightly longer sets and we went on right at 11:30 (I was truly expecting it to be more like midnight). I had looked around the room at the audience earlier, saw their 20-something and early 30-something heterosexual faces and thought, "Why, these guys aren't going to get all the Joan references!" But when we got onstage, they were quite appreciative. David and Jennifer sold the songs so well that the attitude pretty much transcended whatever gaps there might have been in the audience's awareness of Joan. They were just funny and fierce on their own! Ed did a terrific job as Carol Ann, and his keyboard playing just gets better all the time...I watched him during sound check, and could tell it's becoming natural to him. It really fills out the sound, too! Taylor was terrific as always.

We finished about 12:10 or so, and started taking stuff down and David chatted to several enthusiastic youngsters who really enjoyed the set. We finally left about 12:50AM. There was hardly any traffic on Damen Ave., and I got to Taylor's within 20 minutes and he and I got the drums back in the basement. I went home turned on the air, showered (because I was drenched with sweat--dear Lord), checked my e-mail and went to bed at 2:30.

And you know the funny part? I was up at my regular time and at work by 8:30...

This Friday, I'm going to see one of my favorite local bands, The Handcuffs, play at Abbey Pub. Another place I've never been! (As much as I drink, it's amazing how many bars I've actually not been to in Chicago...)

My Kind Of Punishment!

I've never really understood what homophobes are so afraid of...what do they think we're going to do to them, for heaven's sakes?

Well, now I think I know.

No WONDER they're so freaked out...

Uh-Oh, Teacher's Keeping Them After Class...

Apparently, Bush has the power, under the Constitution, to call Congress back into session once it's recessed, if he deems it necessary.

However, Dana Perrino, White House spokes-puppy, says that's unlikely since he's ignored the Constitution so far he passes all his laws in their absence anyway he's busy giving Dick Cheney a French gypsy oh hell, who are we kidding, he probably will!

Some Good News, At Least

It looks like there aren't as many dead or missing as they originally thought. But quite frankly, I don't think I'd want the Bushes anywhere near me at a time like this.

Well...EVER, really.

My heart goes out to the family of the man in the rig.

A Gathering Of Litterbugs

President Bush plans to convene a group of the world's largest polluters next month and hash out ways to reduce greenhouse gases.

I wonder if, as one of the world's richest oil tycoons, he'll realize he's his own guest of honor...

Another Useful Day At The White House

Amazing. Just when you think the White House can't sink any further, they lower the bar even more. I'll bet if Cheney wasn't made of wood, he could do quite a limbo dance by now.

Not only is Iraq not their fault, but apparently, they're now in the business of issuing insouciant, flippant, pre-emptive statements disavowing their responsibility and saying "I told you so" to communities in crisis. Maybe this is a by-product of Katrina (their reaction to that was famously despicable), but it seems to me as if this is kicking a community when it's down. Of course, that's pretty much how they do things in D.C. Ah...our tax dollars hard at work. Against us.

Maybe it's time they got hit with a natural disaster or two to see how they handle things. Forget that 12th vacation of the year to Crawford, Duh-bya: you have to grab a bucket and bail out the basement. Call your friend "Brownie" to help--I'm sure he'd be delighted.

UPDATE: Bush offers to help. I'm not sure if it may not make things worse, but oh, bless him for offering...

The Joans! Live Again Friday, August 3

We're appearing again this Friday at the Flesh Hungry Dog show at Jackhammer! Show starts at 9:00 PM. Also appearing:

Sick of Sarah
Retardos De La Mour




Jackhammer
6406 N. Clark Street
$8 cover

"Locking the Door Against the Boogeyman, When Sasquatch is Already In The House," and "Every Time Two Egos Collide"

Although this time, it appears to be geared more towards foreign surveillance than domestic, at least. And they appear to be talking only about folks who are already suspected terrorists. Honestly, though, haven't we realized that we're only giving our government room to abuse their authority--AGAIN? What frustrates me is that the Democrats are becoming more conciliatory with the administration when we should be kicking its ass--kind of like the Republicans like to fancy they did after the 1994 elections. But then, that administration was never as arrogant and mocking as this one.

And all this talk about "preventing another terror attack." After seven years of W.'s lunacy, why are people still so worried about threats from the outside?

*****************************

I thought this was interesting. Barack Obama says that he would send troops into Pakistan to hunt down terrorists if Pervez Musharraf wasn't effective enough at rooting them out on his own. (Here's a tip, Barack: Musharraf is a figure-head. The tribal lords all rule Pakistan, as they do much of the Mideast. You cannot count on him to stabilize or bring order to that place.)

And, what a surprise, Hillary Clinton dismisses his foreign policy talk as "naive." I haven't seen any better suggestions coming out of her camp lately, either, though, have you? Frankly, I find her to be incredibly supercilious and lacking in compassion. And before people huff and say, "What a double standard! A strong woman always gets accused of being a bitch! Wah, wah wah! Would you say that about a man? Wah, wah wah!," let me answer you right now:

Yes. I would. Because I don't care much for either of them right now. He's busy being a Rock Star and she's busy being The Woman Who Wouldn't Be Giuliani. Frankly, they're both too wrapped up in themselves and each other to pay attention to the rest of us. I'd rather support Edwards. At least he gives a shit about healthcare.