Since You Asked: Advice the Columnists Won't Give-Oct. 24, 2008
If I talk about it, I babble, so I go silent. He doesn't seem to care. It wasn't always this way.
--CONFUSED AND LONELY
It got this way because you let it get this way—you’ve given this guy the earth and now he expects you to till it, too. That’s one of the dangers of being an attentive spouse—you think they’ll appreciate all you do and then take care to show you how much they appreciate it, but it’s more likely that they get used to it and take it for granted.
Take off the martyr mantle and go on strike for a few days. He’ll appreciate you a lot more when he has to scrub his own underpants and eat nothing but Hot Pockets.
DEAR AMY: My mom called me up crying today to tell me that my 25-year-old sister is pregnant. She is not married. She has been pregnant for almost two months and has told some family members and friends, but she has not told me or my older sister.
We are very hurt by her deception, because we thought we had a very close relationship. She was the maid of honor at my wedding and was in the room when my older sister gave birth to her son.
We have been in constant contact with her recently. In fact, I just booked a vacation with her and my brother for next summer. She will have a 2-month-old baby at that time. I think it is really unfair to my husband and me, because we will be sharing a condo with her.
I want to tell her how I feel (when she finally does tell me), but my husband says to let it go, that she is probably embarrassed. Should I tell her how I feel about her deception, or should I just say congratulations and act as if everything is OK? Do we throw her a baby shower or take this as a hint that she does not want us involved?
Did I miss something here? At what point did this become about you?? Your sister is pregnant, unmarried, and about to go through a major life transformation, and you’re worried about your fucking vacation condo? Boo-fuckin’-hoo, toots. The wedding’s over, and that means so is the Bridezilla Show. Your feelings are no longer paramount. There’s a new princess waiting for the pony ride—shove over.
I’m going to be charitable now and assume that the real reason you’re upset is because your sister told a few family members and friends before she told you. But you should remember that this is more stressful for her than it is for you and frankly, you’re probably making it worse. Considering your response to this so-called “deception,” I’m not surprised that she didn’t want to tell you. She knew you’d react exactly as you are reacting—with disappointment instead of support. Nobody wants a stream of judgment from a self-righteous sibling, so turn off the tap. You and your mother need to stop whining and crying like spoiled poodles and get in her corner.
I wouldn’t worry about the vacation next summer—I have a feeling that she’s going to be too busy. Plus, I’m sure she doesn’t want to listen to you yabber constantly about your petty everyday shit while she’s up to her ass changing diapers after two hours of sleep a night. So your vacation is saved, Mrs. Lunt.
DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s, on Social Security and in my second marriage. My wife, "Irene," is in her early 50s and holds a good job. She also holds the purse strings, and allows me $5 a week for coffee with my friends. I drive a little scooter, and Irene has given me a gas credit card so I can get around.
Last week, I told her that I need some underwear and asked her for her store credit card. She said she has a drawer full of nylon panties and that I should wear them instead. She said when they are worn out she will buy me some new men's underwear. She also said she didn't want to waste any money on me since the panties are still wearable.
What if someone finds out? Irene says that since I'm over 70 it doesn't matter. Do you think this is right?
No, it’s most decidedly not right. Exactly what made you marry this woman? Let me guess: you were in your 50s, she was in her 30s, and she was the equivalent of your “mid-life Corvette.”
Do you still think she was a good impulse buy?
My guess is she’s pissed off that she’s still working and you’re not, so to get back at you, she controls the money and forces you to live on a pittance. The underwear thing might be taken for a sexy game under other circumstances, but the fact that she says you’re 70 and it doesn’t matter proves that she’s a.) cruel and b.) clueless, since she clearly hasn’t forseen the possibility that if you had to be taken to the hospital and they had to remove your trousers, *bang* goes your little secret. It’s not just clean underwear, but appropriate underwear, that you have to make sure you’re wearing.
Scrape a few bucks together, and head to Dollar General on your scooter for some cheap underwear in the meantime. Once you’ve changed out of her lacies, you’d better head to a lawyer’s office and see about fixing this financial arrangement while you’re still “of sound mind” so Nurse Ratched doesn’t control your Social Security piggy bank anymore.
Oh, and if you only get $5 a week for coffee, you’d better stay away from Starbucks.